The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just attended my first "Al-Anon meeting last night. All of you were right, the ability to listen to others who have traveled the same path was comforting. There were no lightening bolts, but I am planning to "keep coming back". I surprised myself with my honesty in sharing but have so much to say I'm worried about 'running on" in meetings. I'm sure I'll become more comfortable as time goes on.
I did meet other men who had similar circumstances and hope to speak to them more in a one on one as we get to know one another. I have been very lucky in comparison to most as we had a period of 7-8 years when she was drinking heavily that was unbearable, but once she began working the program we experienced what I would call a calm come over our relationship. However, I guess it was merely a cover as the damage was done and I didn't recognize it.
Well I should say I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night after the meeting. Strange as I usually do not have any problem sleeping......
Awesome stuff.... I will always remember the wonderful feeling, when I finally realized that I was not all alone in this, and there were people who understood the craziness that was going on in my home!
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Hi Bezer. Congratulations on attending your first meeting. I'm curious as to the damage you refer to that is "done". My marriage also seemed to calm down a lot when my A stopped drinking, especially lately, but I'm also feeling that it's too little, too late. Is that what you mean?
-- Edited by Lotus on Friday 31st of July 2009 11:12:47 AM
Good for you. I remember the feeling I had after my first f2f meeting, almost like being taken out of a box and placed in a large circle, surrounded by and comforted by caring people who felt like me, understood me, and were there for me. I couldn't sleep either, not because of worry as it had been in the past, but because of realizing after all those years I was not alone.
I have walked in your shoes with my AW. What worked for me was jumping into this program head first, and making it an important part of my life. Please go to as many face to face meeting as you possibly can. By the way, the best money I ever spent was buying a cup coffee after a meeting one night for another man who eventually became my sponser. I was new and he had been in the program for years. As I like to say he had a "Black Belt" in the program. He shared with me and told me what I needed to hear, made suggestions from his experience in the program. I found out the more I listened to him and kept attending my f2f meetings the more my life changed for the better. I will always be grateful to him and this wonderful program that improved my life in so many ways and saved my marriage.
That was three years ago. It works if you work it. So keep working it.
Your Brother In Al-Anon, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 31st of July 2009 12:47:31 PM
-- Edited by RLC on Friday 31st of July 2009 12:51:42 PM
Aaaahhhh good for you!! Awesome!! I wish for you all that miraculous stuff it has done for me. I cannot but smile at what will also come for you as you keep coming back, following more suggestions, listening and learning. It has been an amazing journey for me and now it includes Bezer. I've met some very powerful men in Al-Anon who have slung that stick with a carrot over their shoulder just in front of me and then walked just a head of me. I swear I'd have walked off a cliff to get what they had and only needed to follow. They taught me that the definition of humility was "being teachable". Lucky for me I still had half and open mind left after having this disease leave me for brain dead on many occasions.
Although I was "raised" by the women in Al-Anon in early recovery (there were very few men in the program when I got in). It was when the guys started coming in, started learning, practicing and sharing outcomes that we truely found our balance and pace. I clap and smile when a female member rises above the chaos of this disease and walks into the sunlight of the spirit with her higher power hand in hand. When it is a male member? I jump up and cheer louder not because I feel men are more deserving but because, for me my ego was so large I thought I could beat and outlast the insanity and win. Thank God for that first room, my own chair, that group of people and the promise, "If you keep and open mind...you will find help." Way to go Bezer. Now go again soon!
GOOD TO SEE YOU GOING TO YOUR FIRST MEETING--I HAVE BEEN ATTENDING MEETINGS FOR OVER 23 YEARS & I STILL RUN ON & ON! SOMETIMES YOU NEED TO. KEEP COMIN' BACK--IT WILL WORK IF YOU WORK IT TOO! TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU! KATHLEEN
I was referring to the way I related to my AW as she worked to maintain her sobriety. I was always telling her how proud I was of her and always worked to ensure her stress load was minimal. All in all, I was a workaholic that believed as long as I provided I was doing my part to keep our marriage on track.
I began to compromise myself in the name of peace and quiet. Afterall, I was this big, strong man who didn't need much and could handle just about anything unlike she who was fragile and needed me to take the weight of everyday existence and its challenges. Know what I mean?
The sad thing is I became more and more withdrawn as I kept out of the line of fire. Not good, I see it now and since we talk more these days, we are able to identify how we shut down at times. Don't get me wrong, there were plenty of good times. We're able to talk honestly now but I'm told it's too late as she says she wants to move on.
