The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Has anyone visited a loved one in prison? Would appreciate your thoughts and esh.
For one, I do not do well out of control. Being inside is hard for me. I will not go in a skyscraper.
Being locked in, bothers me.
I read they search you. So all I am bringing in is me, and my keys. I guess I have to take my piercing studs out. lol NOT Really, I am pretty conservative looking.
He said I can visit, but I have not heard a peep. I guess I want to see him f2f then decide if I am going to continue contact. Have not written to him in days. Not going to if he does not respond.
Anyway the thought of going almost makes me sick. Not sure what makes me feel that way.
Well for one thing it is near where my mother lived, so I avoid that city. she died there.
What is going on with me?
I am thinking about driving up there tomorrow. yikes.
Debilyn...It's where you gotta go to see him. It's place of residence for now and where you have to visit if you want to go face to face with him. I use to do service in prisons and mostly I was grateful and told them so. They were doing my time!! The program is where I do my time now and just a coincidence I was thinking of a family member who just made the "papers". Hmmm the only thought of all of the thoughts I had that works for me is, "It's none of my business". I will not project or attempt to fortune tell. So I'm grateful for the reminder...Mahalo!!
Remember no weapons or contraband. No hollowed out Bibles or stuff like that.
The sick feeling might be fear. You should no be the only one doing the part.
If you don't like going into the city perhaps someone can make the drive with you. Hubby and I visited his friend from rehab a couple of times while he was in jail. They give you a locker to put your keys and wallet in. Just make sure you have some change. Call the jail ahead of time to make sure you are on his list and ask some questions (about the lockers, parking etc.). Tell them you are nervous about coming to see him because you can get claustrophopic & just about coming to jail. The officers are really understanding.
Yes they search you. We were wanded. Hubby had just had his foot surgery and was in a wheelchair. He had so much metal on him plus in him the officer just had to laugh. I admit it was a bit of an eery feeling having the door close behind you. But once his friend came in and we visited, we forgot all about it. Take a deep breath. All will be well. Have a safe trip. Love and blessings to you and your family. Kiss the piggies for me (not the frogs).
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
My EXAH went back to prison for a year on a parole violation and I visited him frequently. It was not pleasant. He intially was in maximum security, which meant having to see each other in a big room (with other inmates/spouses) with cameras, and we couldn't touch, not even to hug.
We were divorced back in 1990, and I still get the heebie-jeebies when I drive past that prison as it's in a city where I shop frequently.
I won't even visit my AD anymore when she ends up in jail.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I have no ESH with visiting any loved ones in jail, but my daughter has and based on what she has told me, what Karilyn suggests is very practical and useful.
For me, that sick feeling is fear. I've been feeling enough of that lately and found that when I pushed through it and let go of the outcome, it dissipated and I felt better.
Keeping you in my thoughts and sending warm hugs to you,
I used to do AA meetings at a minimum security prison. Even though it was minimum (a work camp) you still were locked in, had to get wanded, leave your car keys and all that. I did this weekly for about two years. It was a good experience, kept me sober at the time. I've never gone to visit anyone specific in prison or jail, just the meetings. I'd recommend taking minimum "stuff" with you. All kinds of things you think of as ordinary - a pocket knife, nail file, and many things made of metal or glass, or even a cell phone, are going to be contraband on the inside. And pretty much figure if you can't carry it on an airplane, you can't carry it into the jail.
The guard at the place I used to visit told me one time they had a whole college class come for a tour. They were from some criminology class. Everybody had to go through the metal detectors, search, empty their pockets, etc. One guy had a bag of pot in his jacket pocket... LOL. Some people just ain't too smart no matter how you look at it!
Debilyn, My only suggestion is to use the Al-Anon bookending technique. Before you go call and talk to another Al-Anon member When you return call that member back and tell them as much about the visit as you wish to share.
I added a step of my own in the middle of this exercise for those that call me and that is if at any time you get scared, uneasy, rattled, anxious etc. simply hold your arm beside you and make a fist, a very tight fist. That is the person you called holding your hand.
The wonderful thing about this program is that we never have to do anything alone again.
Oh...and take your HP with you. That always helps me.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
You will be walking FREE and you will be going by choice knowing that your time there is NOT a threat of imprisonment, it is what it is, you showing mercy, kindness, love and concern toward someone you deeply love.
You know that your HP will be with you 'cos HE will not be deserting you when you are DOING HIS WORK.
I know you will know of the things I am referring to that rejoices that "...you were there when I needed a friend, you visited me in prison..." et al.
Therefore, if He is there in that prison then He has gone before you to prepare the way for YOU and HE will be right there with you, holding you and helping you get through this. Your HP WILL NOT BE LETTING YOU DO THIS ALONE.
And when you come out...breathe, breathe deep and slow and remember YOU ARE FREE and can make your way home away from that city and back to your MOUNTAIN...and you will be blessed by the experience and I am sure you will be walking with Serenity for I just know you will have been saying that prayer.
And you know, as well as I do, when we ask, we are given...we just sometimes don't consciously realise/recognise it.
Ask for that SERENITY before, during and after and I know you will be okay. And I will be asking for SERENITY for you too as you make your way, as you endure the process of going in and as you, with great compassion, visit your beloved and then prepare to leave him in that place and return to your beautiful mountain.
With Love,
Suzannah
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Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
