The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I recognize more and more that I focus on the A because I don't know what to do with my own life. I welcome any chance to be with him, help him etc. not only because I do love him but also because I can't figure out my own life.
I feel numb and at a complete loss when I think about what I want to do with my life. I feel so embarrassed to write such a statement.
I feel completely shutdown about my work, financial and personal lives. I have to force myself to call people and make plans with people other than the A.
Has anyone else experienced something similar?
I have been praying more and have written a first step. I go to about 3 meetings a week. I have a Sponsor (but she is out of town until the mid of August). I also go to a therapist and take medication for depression.
I just realized the same in myself....so I wouldn't have to focus on myself. What an eye-opener this is but also glad to realize what I was doing to myself. I can't fix anyone but myself...it all has to start with me. I just went to my first meeting today and it was really great...I could relate on so many things. Good Luck on your journey...
I am sure that most of us can relate to your post , when we focus on others in this case the alcoholic , we loose our own lives . It may take awhile to figure out who u really are , what u like to do , hobbies etc but if u keep going to meetings u will find the person u were meant to be . Just start by trying diff things , crafts , exercise group , make new friends in program . Obsession takes time to let go of , but it is possible . Louise
I totally relate to your post Bella. I too am trying to figure out my life. I have islolated for so long. Not wanting to do anything with others because i would be embarrased by his behavior. But slowly I ma finding myself... Just like Abbyal said... startin with hobbies that i used to do. gotta start somewhere right?? One day at at time..
i have to smile, this is exactly my tactic as well. i'm returning to knitting, cycling, running, writing. i don't know what i want to do career-wise, and i think it's time for a change. BUT. my good friend warned me not to take on too much at once, meaning: don't try to get him out of the house, repair your heart, AND change careers all at once.
i don't want to give advice but will share how i'm approaching the career/job thing. right now, i work decent hours, get a good salary, good benefits and work with a fun, smart and exciting group of people. even if i'm bored out of my skull and think i'm ruining my future by not branching out into different disciplines within the industry i have stability. and stability in one sector of my life is GOLD.
look at why you want to change your work situation. if you can possibly put it off until you're healthier then do so.
financially, i am not going to wait to get myself in better shape. i need a lot of help on that. here's something that has been helping me (it's from Bank of America, but it's sound budgeting and financial advice that any customer at any bank can use: http://learn.bankofamerica.com/articles/money-management/the-psychology-of-money-and-habits.html)
Another side effect of living around this disease, Bella - it often makes us forget entirely that WE exist, and have a right to a real existence as well.... Recognizing it is an awesome start - I definitely struggle in the same area.... As goofy as it can sound, some of us are almost mesmerized by the lunacy and chaos that happens around addiction, and struggle with peace, even when it is before us.... I believe it's a process - and one that we work on throughout our lives.... Start by scheduling some "daily Bella time" - do something nice for you, each and every day... whether it is something exotic like a massage, or something simple like a bubble bath or reading a book - it's all about self-care, and bringing Bella back into her rightful place of importance in your life...
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
