The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Now I'm reworking my fourth step which is long overdue, I'm able to address some of the issue of myself being controlling and finding myself around other people who are controlling. I don't think its a coincidence anymore that I found myself so dependent on people who were incredibly controlling. I also didn't actually see how controlling I was in a solicitious, helping manner. These days I realize before I can save the world I have to save myself. I'm not that adept at helping others till I can help myself and be self aware. So now when I am around controlling people (which of course I'm surrounded by) I feel incredibly uncomfortable wheras before it was a very easy fit. I don't know much want to do or say as I'm no longer in the operation of saving everyone around me. So I have to sit with being uncomfortable and not act on it.
Tough stuff for a heroine who was always out to save everyone else before herself.
Sending you love and strength -- and just *hearing you*
I also have control issues (surprise, surprise, lol)
It is very difficult indeed to learn how to recognize the difference between lending a helping hand in a healthy way and trying to save the world... for someone who has done it for so long.
Made me think of how many controlling people I met teaching. I am one to allow people to make their own decisions as that is how they learn. This included my students.
I had a responsibility to take the kids out after lunch sometimes. They had to be perfectly quiet and smile, promise to have fun outside! hehe They were being turkeys so I told them to stay a bit. Another very very bull in a china shop teacher came over and tells them to go out! I told her we are learning things and it is MY responsibility.
Told her she was NOT my boss. OH I stood up for me big time. I loved my kids. Outside they had to wait a few minutes until the littler kids went in then go play. Those nuts would try to sneak away from the wall, lol. So fun.
Anyway I find out later no one messes with that one teacher. I had gotten myself in a mess. NO way I did not. I stood my ground and she got pulled into the principals office. lol giggle.
I don't care if it is a principal, I will stand up for myself.
So you really touched a place I realise I have healed from Mary. For me if someone is controlling, I am calm and do my own thing. I don't bump heads. Will not be pulled in.
I think the more aware I am of myself the less I am prey to other people's issues. Nevertheless I have huge issues myself with wanting to control and "fix" other people.
