The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
What is the best way to find an alanon meeting where I feel like I fit in? I have been to a few meetings, and have mostly felt uncomfortable and out of place. I am VERY new to alanon, but I would like to learn more about the program. I like this message board a lot, but being around others would be helpful, too. I am in my late twenties, and it appears that there are many meetings for teenagers, and all of the meetings I have been to have been with people a lot older than me. Please know that I do appreciate the wisdom that people have to offer, but I really feel out of place.
I can relate to that as well. I am 25 and all the meetings I have went to are much older women. No men at all. I guess I am just looking at it as they have been here much longer and know much more!!
I think you just have to keep going. Don't go to one just once or twice and decide you don't like it.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
There are women who drive 10 miles from their little town to my little town for the single daytime meeting, because the one in their town is all young women and "they talk about sex a lot." I read or dreamed somewhere to try a meeting six times before you make up your mind. Some of the older women who have been doing this for decades have a lot of wisdom to share. You are lucky to have options. Keep going, is what I would think. You will get more comfortable with one meeting or another over time, perhaps. I used to let myself get run off by the gung-ho folks who had worked the AA program and wanted to whip the Alanons into shape. It is my opinion, and mine alone, that Alanons are more tender than the average alcoholic, and go pretty easy with each other. I thought the AAs might have had to be pretty direct with each other to get their attention. I am older now and not so raw, but I remember how it felt. Maybe some of them are as scared as you are. Does it help to think of it that way? I hope you will stick around and see if you start gleaning some help. Just sharing your story, what you want to of it, may help somebody else more than you know. One thing I always like hearing is how much the seasoned ones use the Slogans and how helpful they are to them. And it is great to be able to find out about all the available literature. Hope you stocked up on pamphlets.
(((((((Mermaid))))))) Temple
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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
Hi Mermaid , i can relate only too well . I first went to Al-Anon when i was in my late twenties like you . I'm now 36 yrs old . I tried a meeting that was close to where i lived , only 5 mins away . I felt completely out of place and didn't want to go back . I tried it once more but still didn't feel comfortable . Someone had suggested to me that i try another meeting that was about 15 mins from where i lived . I got up the courage to try again and the welcome i received there was unbelieveable to me . They went out of their way to make me feel comfortable , they weren't pushy , they showed me love , they listened and if i didn't feel like talking during a meeting they were okay with that . The members of this group were a lot older then me but it didn't take me long to fit in . They had so much strength and wisdom to share with me . This is the group that i still belong to today , they are my life line so to speak right now as i'm going through some really tough times . Don't give up ! When you find the right one you will know . " Keep coming back " ! Best of luck !
I'd just hit all the local meetings I could in the area to see what I can find. I feel lucky... I live in a small town, yet we have a diverse bunch of people in most of our meetings here... different ages, sexes, races, etc.
Another way I started to feel like I "fit in" with the groups was to start doing service work... helping with setting out and putting away literature, chairs, chairing meetings, leading and so on. It really made me feel more and more like a part of the groups I was attending.
Just because the folks there are older doesn't mean they've been doing this for a long time and have all the answers, either... I'm 48 and I've only been involved with AlAnon for three years... keep coming back.
