The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Saw the wife, or now I say widow, of an old friend of mine from program. We first met in another program for a problem we shared as a result of our drinking. I was able to give him something about his anger that he was very grateful to have and helped him in his family, program and community relations. He came to understand that the emotion that always drives anger and rage is fear...fear first and then the explosion. That was a hard one for him to get but he did get it when I helped him to understand that if he were to take just 3 seconds pause before he acted out and asked himself what is scaring me...what am I afraid of? the chances are he wouldn't get locked up angry and drunk most of the time. He was like us, were we are doing what we have done to take care of his alcoholism. I use to support him in AA and we talked often. He was doing the best he could with what he had and the more time he spent in the program the more he had. There was a relapse or two and personality problems with some of the other members and then....duh have we not also been there done that? One afternoon he waved me down with a smile on his face and just had to tell me that he had etched the lesson of 4 seconds pause on the inside of his head and then asked me to ask him how many fights he had been in lately. I asked him and he said zero!! none!! and then he asked me to ask him how many he had lost and I did then too and he said zero!! none!! cause I haven't been in any since I got the 4 second rule tattooed inside of his head. I laughed and thanked him for his support because he had just taught me that I could add another second anytime I needed. LOL I got in the program...staying in and with it and even allowed himself to go back to his joy of riding a Harley Sportster. He looked cool, relaxed and at peace with the world around him. He died on that Harley a short time ago and now I have the answer to my wondering yesterday where Mike was. He had not returned to drinking. He died sober without another fight on his schedule. May we all be so very fortunate...Rest in peace Mike.
Awwww am sorry about your friend , and am going to share that 4 second rule with my friends , thank you for that one . that was a very nice memory to share with us as always . Louise
Thankyou for your beautiful share Jerry I think I will try this 4 second rule out. I have also learnt lately if I keep my cool people around me tend to look at their own behaviuor as they can not blame mine. Thanks again and sorry to hear about your friend. That is something else this programme has given me though I used to be so scared of dying but now I know HP exsists I bet mike is in the most beautiful peacful state that we are all seeking.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend . I'm sure he is in a much better place now and has peace . Seems like he was able to find that peace even before . Thank you for sharng . I will try to apply that 4 second rule to my life . I'm learning so much here through all your stories of ESH , thank you , god bless .
Sorry for the loss of your friend, but what a wonderful memory. Thanks you so much for sharing the story with us. Your one of a kind, now I can add the "4 second rule" to my tool box to share with others.
Sorry about your friend, Mike. I could just picture him flagging you down and the excitement he wanted to share with you overcoming one of his character defects! What a gift.
I learned anger is one letter short of Danger.
in sympathy, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
What a lovely way to start off my week. That was fabulous. Rest in peace Mike. When I hear thunder I will think of Mike riding his Harley up above. My sympathies on your loss. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
