The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It seems like the drama is never ending for me right now . Yesterday i learned that my father ( recovering alcoholic) who abandoned us when we were very small and we are going to visit in Hamilton ( we live in P.E.I ) next friday , landed himself in the hospital for a coulpe of days . He is suppose to use a cpac machine to help him breathe at night ( he has congestive heart failure )and decided to not to use it because he was feeling better i guess . He is not in the best of health , has to use a wheelchair to get around . Anyway , my aunt ( his sister , who we are very close to ) has been keeping us updated . My sister is all concerned and worried and i just don't seem to feel anything . How am i suppose to care for him when he is a stranger to me ? My sister has written him a poem and questions down she wants to ask him .
This past week i have been doing a lot of praying and handing things over to my HP . I feel like i have come to a place in my life when i realize the harder i try to control things the worse they end up . I think it's the first time that i "really" got step three . I made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of god as i understood him . Monday night i clapsed my hands tightly together and handed everything over to him . I let go of my exAbf and my Afather . I said it was in his hands now , i'm handing it over , i just couldn't hold onto it anymore . Whatever his will for me will be . Tears rolled down my cheeks as i did this , i didn't even realize i was crying until i had finished praying . He will if you let him , he won't if you don't . If not for this realization , i'm not sure where i would be right now . I have a peaceful mind for the first time in a very long time . I've been a member of Al-Anon face to face meetings since 2003 , on and off . I guess i just wasn't ready to deal with a lot of things in my life until now . I think i'm slowly going into step four " Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves " . I'm starting this by meeting my father . I have to realize my sister and i are at two different places . She was 4 and i was 2 when he left . She remembers a few things ( not all good ) and i have no memories . I have to own my feelings and she has to own hers . I think i've just answered my own question .
I'm so thankful for this MIP board and all of you here . Your sharing really helped me realize that i'm not alone in this . Many of us have gone through similar struggles in our lives and continue to do so . Thank you for being here , thank you for listening !
Whoa chevy that was dejavue for me , if were lucky even the toughest of us all eventually come to the place u just described , we have finally hit our bottom , I can relate to the tears , not realizing that you were crying , when I finally accepted and decided to live in step 3 ,the same thing happened to me the relief was so great I jsut cried silently for days . When I accepted step 3 my life has never been the same , it just gets better all the time . I get up every morning and say good morning God what are WE doing today , it jst reminds me that I no longer am in charge / A dear friend who was killed by a drunk driver 3 yrs ago always reminded me that God is in every thing OR nothing . he is a part of the bad stuff and the good stuff , every decission she said I had to invite him in . It is amazing to me that God does not help those who help themselves , He helps those who Ask. thank you for the reminder of where I come from . Enjoy . there is no where to go but up now . buckle up your in for one hell of a ride . Louise
chevygirl, that post you wrote is amazing. I know you are in pain but you are displaying a lot of courage. I know this is not at all fun but you are doing some wonderful work and you will experience the reward of that hard work. We all arrive in so many different ways and at different times, etc. I loved your post and i thank you for bringing yourself out here to me, it really touched me and helped me to realize how we are all at such different places despite such similar circumstances. hugs, J.
