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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> feeling low today
Post Info TOPIC: feeling low today
xter


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feeling low today
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i've been home sick for the past 3 days.  walking pneumonia.  ah has been very short tempered.  i've been walking on eggshells, swallowing anger.

i'm hurting today.  i feel hopeless.  i have a f2f meeting tonight, thank goodness.  i'm trying to turn my obsessive thoughts over to my HP, but it's hard.  today my obsessive thoughts are: if i leave him i'll never find anyone ever again and i'll never, ever have the kind of relationship i want - long term, healthy, happy, with children. 

we have couples therapy tomorrow.  i half don't want to go because it's going to make me get into work late and i've been out for 3 days already.  but at the same time, i'm hoping that he and i will get a chance to communicate tomorrow in the therapist's office. 

i'm tired.  any esh would be great.  thanks.

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canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

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Two thoughts, one affirmation, and one to contemplate....

1. My sponsor used to have me get back to basics, and bring it back to "one day at a time" (or one hour, or one minute, depending on the need).  When our obsessive fears are way out there in the future, we're just not always able to deal with that far out, elusive time....

2. Couples counselling with an active A???  Hmmm...  I would think that would be as much fun as running full speed into brick walls over & over....  :)

Take care
Tom

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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
kitty


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The only way for things to be different is for you to change.  Saying anything about the future, dooming it to failure - is projecting.  For one thing you dont know what will happen, it's just not true.  If you dont feel worthy of getting waht u want, then you could just manifest  more misery by thinking it is doomed, focusing on how it is doomed & then creating that life as u go.  Get into now and today.  You can decide about your meeting right at the time to go, u dont have to decide b4. 
      By learning to focus on now, it allows you to be free and gives space for happiness and peace.  It has been a miracle for me to stop recalling past traumas, events and projecting fear into the future.  Life is now.  Think about it, now is all we ever really have, this is reality and u can create it to be anything u want.  It is all up to YOU.  This is what I have learned in program that aside from simply just lieterally loving myself - focusing on now is reality, this is life & this is all we ever have.  The future is unknown to everyone. 

For me when I did get into Now, it was boring at first, only focusiong on me & not everyone else.  But then I found I had more time and I could relax.  When I had things to do, I made lists, to stop thinking about them & got more organized. 

I usually go to chat everyday, and it helps me a lot to talk to others who know me.  Didnt go today b/c my b/f is home sick.  I like to get to the meetings there & go in the am & then hang out to chat for a while.  This forum has allowed me to save my life, today I have hope, happiness and peace and a loving partner whom I live with.  I would never have attracted a non-A without working this program and getting my mind healthy first.

"Bloom where you're planted" -abyal   You can start making changes now to get healthier and happier.  Focsu on YOU, determine your needs, work out unresovled feelings, set boundaries and express yourself.  In time you will figure out the right answers for you regarding your relationship.  kcb  & hope u get well soon.

Take care of & love you, whatever that looks like.  hugs  Glad ur here xter.



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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Jerry F


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Aloha Xter and thanks Kitty for your response.  I also relate to the subject and
have a lot of time in program with still no guarantees of anything other than
progress...and this is the progress.   Great post and response.

Xter I often use metaphors for my conditions to help me find solutions and I saw
one while reading your post.   Picture a room with all of those hopeless feelings
and thoughts, problems and fears and the door that leads out into a warm sun
lit area.  You go to the door, let your self out while turning the light off behind
you and then close the door with the lock set.  Put a sign in tall dark letters on
the door, "XTER KEEP OUT!!"  and then walk out into the sunlight. 

(((((Hugs))))) smile

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debilyn


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Hon you are very sick. Walking pneumonia is serious. I know for me, I never make decisions when I am sick, depressed, hurting, lonely etc.

I too am not understanding what kind of counselor would even consider thinking an active A is going to say anything with clarity!

The drug of choice is always talking!

My concern is YOU. Do you have someone to take care of YOU?

love,debilyn

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"If wishes were wings,piggys would fly."
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xter


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i feel kind of trapped in this therapy thing now. like, we started it even though he's still active and i feel like if i say, "hon, let's wait until you get some real recovery" it will be all over and it will be my fault. but no, we're not making any progress. it IS like running head first into a brick wall (canadianguy - too true).

jerry - i love the visual and i'm going to use it. kitty - your words are so wise, thank you. debilyn, thank you for caring.

i couldn't make it to my usual f2f tonight because i was working on something from home for my boss. she's never demanding and she's very supportive of me, but we just needed to get something done by 9am (which means i'm going to have to reschedule therapy with him anyway).

i feel like such a jerk. some of my posts are so positive and some are just a hot mess, like this one. i guess that i have to give myself even a LITTLE credit for having the good days and keeping with the program.

thank you all so much for responding. i needed it.

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kitty


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((( xter )))    Anytime I ever thought I knew or had something under my belt in program, it would seem like the very next day it would be tested.  It is a process, and it ebbs & flows just like waves.  I related very much to ur "hot mess" b/c I would be the same way.  One day calm, focused , the next all over the place.  Don't even worry about it or judge your progress, just know u are making some.  hugs

Take care of YOU, whatever that looks like.

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
xter


Senior Member

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well, here's an update: instead of therapy i'm going to ask him to move in with friends until we get a separation agreement in place and until i can find a place to live. last night i received a text message from him that was meant for his whatever-the-hell-they-are-to-each-other. she's his AA savior, the one who showed him the way (barf). supposedly she's got recovery and working the steps and supposedly they're just friends but i don't believe him. i said that i don't want him to be friends with her while we're working on our marriage. and of course, he's lied about being in contact with her.

i hope he doesn't fight me on this. i'm sure he will. but this is the right thing for me. i'm so unhealthy physically and emotionally staying in this situation. maybe someday he'll get recovery and we can give it another shot. but i know what's best for me right now and it's make changes and keep on with my own recovery.

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Temple


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Bless your heart, Xter.
You really have a lot on your plate. Good for you that you have a good boss, that you are seeing your way to take care of yourself. I hope you get better physically very soon.
Thank you for keeping us posted.

Hugs,
Temple

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It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread.  --Gray Charles

 
Loupiness


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I've been there. Not easy. I am proud of you.  Being alone doesn't feel nearly as awful as being lied to and cheated on.  Good for you.  You need to give yourself A LOT of credit.

Blessings,
Lou

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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace.
~ Ronald Reagan~

Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't
~Marguerite Bro~
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