The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
about 30 years ago when I was a teenager, I lived with my alcoholic father. My parents were divorced and my mother moved away. I still had school so could not move with her, so I went to live with my Dad. To this day I will never understand how my mother can send me to live wth my dad as he was at that time drinking. We had no proper home and he never looked after me properly as he was always out drinking. At times I get upset thinking about those years (I lived with him 8 years) but at other times I forget about it for quite a few months even a year, but should I be able to put it behind me. There are two sides to this because although we never had a decent home, I could come and go more or less as I wanted and my dad never questioned me. He said much later on that he never guided me properly, but then again I had a free reign. I hated discipline
Growing up acoa is really hard, you have to grow up really fast. I was responsible at five & very very aware. I was able to come & go as I pleased too, so I know what u mean, with no guidance. My mom didn't have a lot of emtional maturity and she was controlling, perfectionistic & manipulative, and so was I, but we did always have honesty together & I could go to her & talk about most anything. Teen years were tough, I was a runaway 4 times. I quit high school & took my GED & went to community college. Which I didnt like, so I quit & worked full time @ 16. I always had jobs & worked as a kid from 10 on. Those first two summers, I was at a camp & taught gymnsatics in the summer for 7 weeks or so, my first jobs working.
Anyway, I'm just glad ur here & glad u got to have a relationship with ur dad. Again, sorry for you loss.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
I can relate, but my mother was the A. Well my dad was also; they divorced when I was about 3 and he started AA and still does AA. Since I came to Alanon I have always wondered why he never tried to get custody of us. My mother let me come and go as I please, she would buy me alcohol at age 16, smoke pot with me, not question me if I came home at 5am, I would make her write me letters for school when I chose not to go and she did every time. If she wouldn't then I would just write them myself and she never told the school on me.
Im not sure if this is the right word or not; but I have a lot of hate towards her now that I am older and look back at how she raised us.
Still to this day she is an A. And honestly it's like I just can't stand her especially when she is drinking she just drives me insane more than any other A's in my life and there are quite a few.
I guess I don't have any good ESH for you; just thought I would let you know you are not alone. I know what you mean.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
N 46 your past had some big losses. Just like deaths. I have experienced my grief as being just as horrible, but now the episodes are years apart. As time went by I realized this is how we heal.
I don't believe we ever get over anything. Just have relief for longer periods. My gma passed at 106. She still had not forgiven Grampa for bringing all the kids over to look in this hole under the shed.
As they looked waiting for the big rat, out came a skunk and got them "all!!" lol lol
hugs and ps, I never liked that word, should. love,debilyn
wow, missy ur first paragraph ~ the same was true for me & my mom, all of what u said. She had pot parties from when I was say in 5th grade on, so at ten I was allowed to hang out with them -ugh- I guess I hate writing this with all the mother's here & contemplating on me having kids in a year or 2 b/c I certainly wont smoke pot with my kids. But in 5th grade @ age ten, I was her officially stone faery, delivering powr hits - in it with them - not smoking but certainly gettting contact highs. *sigh* Kids ought not be involved in adult affairs.
She allowed me to get drunk at age seven for NYE.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Grieving that kind of loss is incredible. There is a great book on abandonment by Claudia Black I belive that may help. I know for me abandonment issues are very very difficult to deal with. Therapy, bibliotherapy and this group have helped me immensely. They are the family I never had.
