The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A son went to a MVA hearing today for his dui. His lawyer told him to bring someone with him as he would probably not be able to drive home after the hearing. The other day he called and made an appointment to have one of those things you blow into installed on his car. The appointment was for 1:00 today. He went to the hearing alone. He called when it was over and I drove my husband to MVA to drive him home and then to the place to have the thingy put on. I feel like it is enabling but it is something we had to do. This is where the thoughts of my dad came in.
While driving back to work I thought about all the alcohol related things my dad went through and he had nobody, that I know of, to help him with anything. I know he must have went to court many times because I remember him being in trouble a lot. He hung in the bars and would get beaten up and stuff like that. Eventually, he didn't drive anymore but was usually staggering around our neighborhood if we saw him. He lost everything...his home, his family(wife and 5 kids) but still managed most of the time to keep himself clean with a haircut. I was grateful that he was not a lay in the gutter drunk but it was still very sad to see him stagger down the street all alone. He was not invited to my youngest sister's wedding for fear that he would show up drunk. We didn't tell him about the wedding but somehow he found about it and called her that night. She felt such horrific guilt about that. My father spent his last Christmas sober with his family at my mom's house. He almost felt like a stranger to me at the time. He passed away that April after Christmas alone on someone's front porch.
My A son's father's bottom was death also. At age 52 he passed away. I think my dad was 56...the age I am now. What a waste of precious life. My ex lost me and my son. He never got to know his grandchildren. He did live with his enabling mother until his death but I don't think he ever expressed a desire to get sober. Both my father and my ex were great guys. Everyone liked them but that horrible disease took everything from them.
I don't know why I am posting all of this except that I know that my A son has a deep desire to get clean and stay clean. He has done way more than my dad or my ex to obtain sobriety. That gives me hope because I think that the most important thing is that you have to want it and take some action to get it.
I have been thinking about my dad as well. He died at 57. If he were still alive today, he'd be almost 94... so unlikely he'd be around to make it to my wedding, alcohol or not. But I did ask my mom (age 79) if she ever thought that she'd be seeing both of her sons get married when she was 79 years old. We've both been married and divorced and are going around again.
It is hearbreaking what this disease does to people - at one time these people did have the chance to have wonderful things to offer their families and the world around them. It is sad to see that disappear.
I pray that our children that are affected by this disease will continue to have the desire to work their program of recovery and seek help thru their HP.
Sending you a BIG Louisiana HUG and lots of prayers of comfort, Rita
__________________
No matter what me and my God are going to be ok, even better than OK -
I know he must have went to court many times because I remember him being in trouble a lot. He hung in the bars and would get beaten up and stuff like that. Eventually, he didn't drive anymore but was usually staggering around our neighborhood if we saw him. He lost everything...his home, his family(wife and 5 kids) but still managed most of the time to keep himself clean with a haircut. I was grateful that he was not a lay in the gutter drunk but it was still very sad to see him stagger down the street all alone. He was not invited to my youngest sister's wedding for fear that he would show up drunk. We didn't tell him about the wedding but somehow he found about it and called her that night. She felt such horrific guilt about that. My father spent his last Christmas sober with his family at my mom's house. He almost felt like a stranger to me at the time. He passed away that April after Christmas alone on someone's front porch.