The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
HI everyone, A short share on my progress. I have been straining my brain thinking that I feel my head will blow off! Not knowing where my life is going, single or married etc. I want to make plans that don't include my AH anymore but what if he gets sober? Any plans I make while he isn't thinking about AA are all me focussed and I know that is okay. But plans about where I live and property sales and all that... Aggh!! It is a big wheel to turn, and difficult to get the ball rolling. I am getting impatient. I could make it happen and do what is right for me easilyl but this nagging in the back of my mind that I should wait to see what he does is holding me back. But heck, didn't I "wait" for 15 years for him to change? Didn't I hope till I was hopeless for a glimmer of a glimpse? Didn't I go crazy crying, begging pleading to God and the alcoholic to DO SOMETHING? I also have to be careful that I am not missing the crises so much that I want to make something dramatic happen too. I am so grateful for alanon meetings and members to talk and share and reason things out with. Thankyou one and all. Thats me for now! Silverbrumby
make changes now, for you, do not wait for your A - get on with your life, who knows maybe he will join you -- but still, who knows what u can achieve, until you try. *smiles* take care of YOU. You can do it & you are worth it!
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
My suggestion, is to stop thinking for now. Get quiet, there is no rush into the future. When you are connected to HP, you become graceful and you move with ease in the right direction. When I feel panic, that is my fear, that is my dis-ease. When I am connected with HP, I do not rush. I am calm.
Wait. Wait until you feel the joyful connection with your HP again. Then, you will go forward unafraid.
Consider steps 1, 2 and 3.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
What if he gets sober ??? What if he dosent ?? A couple or not u have a right to a life of your own , friends of your own keep doin what your doing keep the focus on you and your needs . When I make (someone) the only reason I am happy I am in big trouble because once again I have lost me . Remember to ask husb to be a part of your life , if he chooses to not participate that will his choice remember plan B , make your plans , don't plan the out come , if at the last min he decides to not go with you a simple ok see u later will suffice and go anyway . Not ready to leave then use your time to BLOOM WHERE YOUR PLANTED often when we make changes the alcholic is encouraged to follow and stop thinking , just BE. Our booklet on Just for today has some awsome things to work on , pick one and practice it for a week then move on to another one , that little booklet kept me busy for six months. my fav was Just for today I will accept what is , and adjust myself to it . * acceptance* ??
silver brumby wrote: I have been straining my brain thinking that I feel my head will blow off! Not knowing where my life is going, single or married etc. I want to make plans that don't include my AH anymore but what if he gets sober?... I am getting impatient. I could make it happen and do what is right for me easily but this nagging in the back of my mind that I should wait to see what he does is holding me back... I also have to be careful that I am not missing the crises so much that I want to make something dramatic happen too.
It's interesting to me that on the walls of the AA side of the building where my f2f home group meets, they have the slogan, "Think, Think, Think" and on the Al-Anon side of our building we just have the slogan "Think". At least that's how it is at my home group. Our Al-Anon literature, ODAAT in Al-Anon and Courage to Change also use the one word "Think" as a slogan. It was just an observation by me and I wondered "why the difference"? Anyway my thoughts on the subject as it applies to your post, Silverbrumby, is that sometimes we need to "Think, Think, Think" through a situation. It becomes imperative that we give it deep thought before going into action. It's not enought to just "Think" about a situation but to really get to the root of what it is that we want to achieve in a particular situation and "Think, Think, Think" it through.
I hear ambievalence in your post, "what if he gets sober?" and "but this nagging in the back of my mind that I should wait to see what he does is holding me back." You might want to "Think, Think, Think" where this is coming from.
"I also have to be careful that I am not missing the crises so much that I want to make something dramatic happen too."
This is something that we as al-anon's tend to miss and try to create for ourselves. Drama is what we've come to thrive on, it's what we know, it's what we've lived. It's hard to let go of that at times. So again another thing to "Think, Think, Think" about.
We in Al-Anon of course won't tell you what to do with your marriage that is a personal choice for you. I've just tried to point out a couple of things that concerned me in your post and give you something to "Think, Think, Think" about.
Take what you like and leave the rest.
Yours in Recovery, Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I was just thinking about you today! I love your aussieness!
hey we ALL think of that. What if they get sober. Even if they do they are still A. That is why we have to think of ourselves!
Not base our life choices on them.
My experince tells me to make my life as rich and happy as I can. Have fun, eat well ,do for others etc. If I get to love him some great, if not, sad but ohwell.
To me, the Think slogan, is a reminder to apply the principles and tools of the program, to the best of my ability.
For me, I "think" that my thinking can often become distorted. So if I'm applying the slogan, I will "think" that if I wait too long to call my sponsor, I will suffer longer than I have to. Phoning my sponsor is one of my al-anon tools.
I sometimes isolate and try to figure it out on my own. Typically, that doesn't serve me as well. It depends on the situation.
-- Edited by glad lee on Wednesday 15th of July 2009 08:40:53 AM
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
didn't I "wait" for 15 years for him to change? Didn't I hope till I was hopeless for a glimmer of a glimpse? Didn't I go crazy crying, begging 
pleading to God and the alcoholic to DO SOMETHING?