My AHsober said that he had put in a bid on a house. Although, he says he wants a divorce we are still legally married. I told him that he can't do that. And if he does he will have to sell it when we divorce. He got really angry and hung up the phone. He has always been a good provider for our family. Every few years or so, he wants to make a big purchase. In the past I would ask him not to - can't afford it, too much, etc. He would always go ahead and purchase it and I would go along. This is no different. Whatever he wants he intends to get it whether he can afford it or not. I saw him a couple of days later. He refused to talk to me. He told me it was none of my business why he was mad at me.

I called an Alanon friend. I was crying in the Safeway parking lot. My pattern is that I always let what he does upset me so much. She said let him go. He gets upset because he thinks I am holding him hostage when I won't give him a divorce. She said that this is a program of honesty. She said to pray about it. It is a pattern. I know it isn't healthy for me. She asked me what I was afraid of. I cried and said that I was afraid of losing my family. I never wanted my kids (grown) to have to go to two different houses to see their parents.

I am powerless. This man doesn't drink but his disease seems to have escalated. I have gotten better but I seem to have gaps in my emotional sobriety. I went to three meetings last week. I read my literature, I meditate, I take care of my health. I wish I could get out of this cycle. I think that the disease thrives on our dysfunctional pattern. How do I get out of this?

Nancy