The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
feel the need to defend myself? I hate that about myself!
I am people pleasing, stupid, weak knee, ninny.
I want to get past the point of being back on my heels, I was raised to not to confront, to keep things to yourself, no one wants to hear you complain.
All the above I have taken with me through my life, and it has caught up with me in trying to deal with my AS, the consequences has been hard on me.
I want to break the cycle, I am tired of being on the defense all the time. I need to understand this plays into my AS justifying the use of drugs. The blame game is something I take too personal.
YOu know I read your post twice and I know I often try and defend myself as well. Why? Just like you I don't know. So I am just curious to see other replies.
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I do, so well, relate to your post, Dream's Over. For years and years I defended myself for NO reason. One day it came to me, just as it has you; WHY am I defending myself against ANYTHING from ANYONE? I stopped it then and there. With the A first. I am not responsible for his actions, and I have nothing to answer for to him. That felt so good, I took that stance with all of those who might put me on he defensive. No, no, NO! It is not happening. And it never has again.
You are not stupid. Nor are you a weak-kneed winny. you are LEARNING! I sat, good for you. ANother step in the right direction.
Take care,
Diva
__________________
"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
My thought is you feel the need to defend yourself becuz you think you are a stupid weak need ninny.
I tell myself I don't have to defend me as I trust my own judgment and don't second guess it. I am confident.I am more like, get a life budy I am a strong, moral loving person, so knock it off.
Or I just say, OH! you might be right! love,deb and YOU are not a ninny or weak need kneed?
Hi, This is not complicated; i was in the same area when i first join the program; ppl pleasing, always defending myself...etc Then I realize something; this my FEARS, my self centerdness, my anxiety, my low self esteam who makes me do this. Your problem is you are to Afraid to face ppl MORE you are too afraid to face your fears; that's why you will trapped in this negative feelings: Self pettiness: OH!! POOR ME!! Anger/resentment: Like your post Non-Acceptance: I hate myself for being week And so go on the chain of reaction. On the other side, there's a positive side you ignore: You can see your problem, not blind anymore You have a will to change You are honest with yourself Courrage to admit your weakness and so & so. I beleive that everybody of us has a gr8 power inside; mine was like this: I quit Heroin, that requiered gr8 courrage, i faced my biggest fear which was PAIN!! After facing my ghosts, i realize that what really matters is me; i do not care what ppl think about me as long as i am right. I want ppl arround me to be happy, but not on my account. Search the hero inside of you, ask for guidance from your HP and just FACE it. First step was not easy, but after you take it you will find that the rest will work out with you. God Bless you
I always felt the need to defend myself because I wanted to control other people's thoughts and perceptions of me. I wanted them to have this cookie cutter idea of exactly who I was. Now, I know that is none of my business: what other people think of me is totally none of my business. I used to be 100% invested in controlling other peoples perceptions- of me, of themselves, of different situations. I have no ability and no business doing this. I will fail every time. The only person I have any control over is myself. The only perceptions and understandings I have any control over are my own. hugs. J.
