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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> first post at Alanon board, roommate doesnt' drink, but is dysfunctional
Post Info TOPIC: first post at Alanon board, roommate doesnt' drink, but is dysfunctional
billileli1


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first post at Alanon board, roommate doesnt' drink, but is dysfunctional
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Hello.

Billi here, and I have a dysfunctional housemate.

I realize he doesn't have a drinking problem, but I suffer from the same kind of problem that an "AlAnon" might. 

He is depressed and won't go to therapy.

I am watching him slowly die right now of depression.

I cant' afford to move out, so I have to live with him right now.

I am afraid we will end up on the street because he is unable or unwilling to work.

I don't know if he is allowing it to take over or not.

All I know is I am feeling so helpless right now.

I have lost my best friend.

He was my life.

Now he is GONE, even though he is sittting five feet away from me outside my bedroom door.

B.

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debilyn


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Welcome.

First there are depression boards for both sides, if you want me to I can help you find one.

 I sure can relate to the pain you are in.

Does he have family? They may be able to get him help, as they legally can do something. ?

This is a hard one Billie. If I were you I would have him call Social Security right away to open a claim. In case he can get benefits, they will go back to the day you called.

This is  a real illness. Has he stopped eating? Could he be incompetent? I mean so you could call for help?

I am thinking this is too big for you to handle alone. Have you confided to anyone?  Yes you know you cannot make him do anything. However you can make boundaries.

I am not sure what your relationship is.  I would be open with him and tell him what you have shared here. Possibly set a boundary of getting a job in two weeks or you are out of there?

For you, what have you thought about are your options? Finding another place to live, even if it is renting a room?

I hope you come back. Maybe someone else can help you more.

MY main thing is like I said, you need help with this yourself. I mean therapy, call your doctor, his doctor?

Let me know how it goes. I care very much. Depression is so horrible and it is also horrible to be in your position. love,debilyn

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Inpain


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Billie,
Will he consider counseling?  He  may need professional help.  Does he even recognize something is wrong?

-- Edited by debilyn on Saturday 11th of July 2009 09:44:48 PM

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billileli1


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Debilyn,

I was referred to Alanon by a therapist.

I am going thru the same problem that alanons go thru with alcoholics.

I find alanon helpful in dealing with this problem with my roommate.

I want to be here.

I find alanon helpful.

Billi

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debilyn


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Billie I am not meaning to hurt you. To say you are going thru what a  person goes thru living with or loving an A is not possible.

It is like saying I am going thru what a person who loves a cancer patient is going thru, living with an A.

It is apples and oranges.

Every disease has a set of symptoms that make it be that disease.

Addicts lie, are selfish by nature, feel horrible guilt for what they do but keep doing it,are very self absorbed, can not handle when the focus is not on them and more and more.

I have no idea what made a therapist rec Al Anon for you. Al Anon friends have what is called a qualifier.  The person or person in their lives that is an addict.

I would venture to guess that is what made it hard for people to respond to your post. I had a very hard time and I have done counseling for many years.

Thinking maybe, the basics of Al Anon of course could help anyone.Living one day at a time, not worrying and giving your life over to your hp. Not trying to help or control anyone but you.

There is no use worrying about that other person as we have no control over them.

The thing about addicts is, the disease requires the A  to be responsible for there own illness. It is none of our business.

To live with a person who is so depressed and almost choosing to die, is totally different. I know suffering from deep depression in the past, if someone had not helped me I would not be here. This disease of depression needs someone to intervene. Where with an A it does not help to try to do anything.

I hope this helped. OF Course you are welcome here. We can possibly support you.
So feel free to post. love,debilyn

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> first post at Alanon board, roommate doesnt' drink, but is dysfunctional