Alcoholic seems very detached from ME - Al-Anon Family Group

Bella333 · Veteran Member

Alcoholic seems very detached from ME

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Bella,

It seems that A's do what A's do. No logic. We are suppose to detach from all their razzle dazzle. We have to set our boundaries to take care of ourselves.

In support
Nancy

Bella333 · Veteran Member

How do I detach and not repress my feelings?

Right now I am repressing my feelings about his detachment towards me. I am afraid my top is going to eventually blow.

Jean4444 · ~*Service Worker*~

Let your top blow- in an al-anon meeting. Do you have a sponsor? What do they say? His life is his business, not yours and he is totally free to do whatever he would like.

"ACCEPTANCE is the answer to all my problems TODAY..." Accept him for where he is at. Let him go. He has his own HP and you have yours. Its the truth. You cannot change him, you can only change yourself and KEEP THE FOCUS ON YOU. He is not your business. This is my ES & H, take what you like and leave the rest.

You have answered your own question in your own post. You do not need to repress your feelings, in fact, you should fully feel your feelings all the way thru. With your sponsor. With your al-anon group. with your therapist. with the appropriate people. Not with him (an A). hugs, J.

glad lee · ~*Service Worker*~

Your experience is for your learning. How does this experience FEEL? How do mixed messages feel? Does a future feel right to you?

I learned to STOP listening to the words (oh! how I loved hearing the words I wanted to hear. This kept me hooked for years!) Watch the ACTIONS instead. That's where the truth is. ((((hugs))))

maresie · ~*Service Worker*~

I know when I feel obsessed with the actions of another person its time to detach. There is a primer on this at www.coping.org. The thing you need to do is the opposite of what you are doing. Focusing on his behavior is very upsetting so focusing on yourself is the active active active key to many of al anon's tools.

Maresie.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.