The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I had it during the illness and death of both of my parents to whom I had a very close, loving relationships, during the diagnosis that my youngest son was Autistic, and when I suffered a severe case of depression, it has sustained me living with my oldest son's on going addictions for ten years.
I don't know why, but for the last year I have sensed my faith dimming, I can't understand it. I still pray, read scripture and try to meditate on my blessings.
Is it fatigue? Am I growing hard? I can't cry anymore. I just can't lose the one thing that I have relied on for all my life to see me through hard times. One of my earliest memories is sitting in the floor as a child looking at Bible pictures, I was so young that I couldn't read yet.
Your HP is such an important part of working your program, I am scared.
I have the same thing from time to time. I have bought several books about faith, but the best advice I have gotten is just to stay where you are. Just don't stress. Acknowledge where you are with HP and let him teach you what he is trying to show you.
I totally relate to what your going through. I went through a similar experience when I lost my dad and also had the church that I had belonged to all my life turn on me. I won't go into the details here, but it was a devastating loss. To help me through this pain I wrote a poem...I hope it helps you.
Angel Eyes
...right now I feel as if I am walking a path that is totally foreign to me-
As if I am in someone else's world and I need to find my way back to my path...
so, I grieve my loss and remember that there is a plan-
I will "act as it" ... trust God to give me courage...
look up and see I'm not alone...
and keep taking one step at a time
until I see my serenity returning...
I have had that serenity...
and I ache for it's return...
I feel serenity's slow ebbing warmth
creeping through the east window
of the Son's rising light.
He comes to me in the early morning,
just before dawn breaks the beginning of a new day.
His peace passes all my human understanding,
and I accept His unconditional love for me.
As I release my need to be in control of my life,
I feel my faith and hope return.
It's been long coming and long missed.
"Welcome home God"
"I never left, my child"
(circa 2006)
Hope this helps. Faith is a journey. Faith is a test. Faith - Faith Always Inclines Towards Healing.
May your faith journey be successful. Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I ask for more. This is often what gets me out of bed in the morning, "Give me more faith! Give me more strength!" HP seems glad to supply it from the endless storehouse!
My faith is also renewed at face to face meetings. When my light is out, there is always one shining there.
((((hugs))))
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Some one told me that God never leaves we are the ones that move . When things go badly we tend to blame God = I have to remember that God gave man free will to do with our lives as we choose and some of us don't always choose wisley , it took me along time to believe in anything , but I know today that God is not a punishing God he only wants the best for me and gives me what I need to become who i need to be . I just have to pick them up and quit staring at them . do the footwork . I heard someone say once that God took everything she ever wanted away and gave her what she needed . I don't think I have that kind of faith yet but I keep working at it . When times get tough Look UP . Louise
Dreams...I love the responses you got. They worked for me also during the times I just wanted to give up and Lo and Behold!! that is what I was supposed to be doing after...giving (it) up. Give it up ask for it to be taken and don't attempt to take it back. Just reinventoried some of the miraculous events of my life in recovery and the rebuilding of my life with my Higher Power and my life with myself and related to some old lessons that have come to be true for me and for others like "God doesn't give me more than I can handle" and "God does for me what I can't do for myself". Just the faith to believe those two truths when I first heard them was huge and then watching other members do it gave me the courage to have that kind of faith myself. It does take courage to have faith and as Abbyal says...turn it upward. Part of how I have learned the practice of that is standing still in one place lifting my arms upward palms to the heavens and saying, "Please take this." I have done that in parking lots and malls because I needed to right then and that kind of faith works for me. No one ever stopped and asked "Hey mister whatch doing?" God is real. God has told me so Godself. Inventory the times faith has worked for you before and believe.
When you feel like you are not in touch with your higher power, ask yourself this....
WHO MOVED?
Your higher power didn't move, he is always there beside us, we are the ones that tend to forget the most important thing in our lives and that is our relationship with our higher power. That alone will get us through anything.
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Everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over it.
I once had a member of the 'cloth' once tell me that in order to believe, he had to stop believing entiurely for a while. In my experience, when this occurs, I find it is me not getting quiet enough to allow growth and change to occur. I was raised on religious fear, which makes this stuff hard.
Perhaps it's time to explore a variety of faiths, HP sources, meditation practices, avenues? Just let go and see what you end up with? Perhaps the same-ole same ole isn't working?
Perhaps forcing faith is just as futile aws forcing a solution?
Let go, Let (your) God?
-- Edited by alanonicScotland on Friday 3rd of July 2009 01:49:16 PM
For me, I always have faith. NO matter what. Sometimes when I get so tired from teh emotional stuff, I ask hp to please hang on to me tight. He has never, ever let me down.
Because of aism and immaturity in Al anon on my part my life has been very hard the last some years.
When I truly put my life and all my loved ones lives in HPs hands, I never worry, I have experienced miracle after miracle.
My animals nor I have ever gone with out, never, even if I did not have a penny to my name that day.
I believe I don't lose it becuz my life is totally in his hands and I NEVER lean on anyone but him first. So how can I lose faith?
I am talking during deaths, illness, money short, no vehicle, pain, sadness, hunger, emergencies and on and on.
Hope this helps! Maybe it would help to give it allllll to hp? do the steps but know he is who brings the result.
Maybe you do have faith, but you are really just needing a rest?
you said-------------I don't know why, but for the last year I have sensed my faith dimming, I can't understand it. I still pray, read scripture and try to meditate on my blessings.
Is it fatigue? Am I growing hard? I can't cry anymore. I just can't lose the one thing that I have relied on for all my life to see me through hard times. One of my earliest memories is sitting in the floor as a child looking at Bible pictures, I was so young that I couldn't read yet.
Your HP is such an important part of working your program, I am scared.
I have gone through the same thing.....as a former non believer it took a lot of work to believe in anything so when life would throw me a bad curve, i just thought AGAIN i was abandoned by my HP....i did not realize that we are under choice and free will here......all, or at least most of my pain has been from man....men, especially....so bad i have given up on men, but not my HP....and not me anymore.....i do my best and surrender the rest............just "toss it off me and onto my God"..............let it go...whatever will be will be..........i quit fretting and worrying and fighting and protecting b/c it did me no good..........it was hard and i still slip, but i am learning..........GIVE IT OVER...........TURN IT OVER.........life works a lot better when i cause the darkness to fight GOD over me instead of me over me........like the evil forces within and without me would love for me to fight them in their own arena so they can beat me down.............now it does not work............things start getting crazy and overwhelming?????? TOSS IT OFF-------GIVE it OVER-----------take my hands off..................things work out for the best.......................and I do not have to *feel*anything to know HP is there in the background waiting for me to reach out to him for help..................hope this helped
When I begin to feel a little bit lost in my faith, I remember *Footprints in the Sand*
It's about a man who would always notice that there were always two sets of footprints in the sand as he walked through life. One set belong to himself and the other was the footprints of his God/HP walking besides him always.
One day he was reflecting and noticed that when things were going well, there was always two sets of footprints in the sand...his and his HP's. BUT...he also noticed that when life was toughest, there was just one set of footprints in the sand.
He questioned his HP about this. He wanted to know why he was left on his own without his HP when things were tough and he was facing his most difficult times; to which his God answered..."when there was only one set of footprints, those were the times that I CARRIED you."
Remembering this particular poem has helped me remember that my God/HP will always be there to carry me when I need carrying most. He never leaves us to fend for ourselves.
I hope this will help you during the tough times, just as it helps me.
