The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi MIP family. Thought I would just keep you abreast of my situation and hold myself accountable at the same time. I met with the lawyer today and had all the information that I needed for him to file an uncontested divorce, except husband's address (which I have and forgot to bring) and social security number (which I don't have). I called husband and asked him for the social security number but he hasn't called me back. I have a feeling that he is going to give me problems on this, but I guess I shouldn't worry about things that haven't happened yet.
I am supposed to call tomorrow with the address and social security number, so will find out then what to do, if I cant' get him to give it to me. They surely have a way to handle that, I would think.
If all goes as planned, since there is no property involved, no children, and no assets, if it goes uncontested then I should have divorce papers in hand by August. If not then....? Oh well, In God's time.
I am not sure how I feel about all this, going through it for the fourth time. I feel like I should be a pro at it by now! lol I carry a lot of shame about the number of failed alcoholic marriages that I have had though. I talked to someone on another al-anon chat site that had also been married four times and said she was grateful for her alcoholics, that they had taught her a lot about life and how to live it. I guess that is the attitude I should try to adopt.
It kinda reminded me of when an Alcoholic says, "Hi, my name is Bob, and I'm a grateful alcoholic." Before al-anon and attending open AA meetings I always wondered what they had to be grateful about! lol Now I understand that it (the alcohol) is what brought them (and me) to this wonderful 12-step program that has taught us how to live life on lifes terms. If I didn' have this program I would still be floundering around out there somewhere, feeling sorry for myself, stuck in the why me's.
Thank you MIP family for being here for me and supporting me with your prayers and encouragement that you give me in your reply posts.
Love in recovery, Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I think I am also going to try and adopt the attitude that I did learn a lot from the A's in my life; especially my sons father. I was thinking about it the other day. I met him when I was young 22 and I really did learn a lot from him. And I am grateful for it. And now that we are not together and I am working the program I can see how much I did learn.
Just take the divorce one day at a time and keep it simple! You will do just fine! You sound like you are doing pretty good!
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Wow OC, big step today meeting with the lawyer. Uncontested or not, it's still tough. I understand your feelings of "failed marriages". It's like you think people will judge you because of it, like a failed marriage is one persons doing. Not hardly, it takes two. I'm sure you wouldn't be the first person that couldn't get their spouse's information. Your attorney will be able to handle that if you can't I'm sure.
Keep your positive attitude and just keep putting one foot in front of the other, doing the footwork and let your HP do the finish work. He's soooooo good at it. :)
Thanks for posting your update. Take care.
Redfred
__________________
You can't move forward while you're looking backward
I had a friend in chat suggest that his S.S. # would be on our tax file records. I said that he hasn't even filed his taxes yet, but I filed married, but seperate this year. So didn't think I had it. I had forgotten about past years! Boy am I a dunce! I found our records from 2006 and there it was! I am a crafty little fox! Thanks to this forum I found the answer to the problem. Thanks guys!
Overcome
__________________
I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
I feel like I should be a pro at it by now! lol I carry a lot of shame about the number of failed alcoholic marriages that I have had though. I talked to someone on another al-anon chat site that had also been married four times and said she was grateful for her alcoholics, that they had taught her a lot about life and how to live it. I guess that is the attitude I should try to adopt.
Dear Overcome NEVER , PLEASE NEVER be ashamed of yourself for wanting love and companionship and yea, so ok, you made mistakes....i married 2 of them and God only knows how many dates....but the bottom line???? WE LEARNED.........WE accepted that WE and only WE can fulfill us and make us happy/meet our needs 24/7......
I am PROUD of you, the way you are taking responsibility and not "copping out" with excuses, etc....You are taking responsibility for yourself and your future......Only God does not mess up....As long as we live, we are gonna mess up...what irritates me and causes me to detach from people is when they DONT take responsibliity and they DONT take care of themselves and DONT get into recovery and work the program and work on themselves.....HONESTY which you have a ton of is the way/door to freedom and healing......Hang in there dear, you got a good life ahead b/c you are reaching for it....
I think your atty. can get his SS...if you filed joint tax returns its gotta be there...they can trace his payroll records...through state payroll and unemployment records....there is a way to get his SS#....lawyers have all kinds of ways....
you are doing GREAT.....PEACE and much prayers to you
Wow! A huge step. I am wondering how to find the strength to file for at least separation from my husband. I feel like he is controlling everything, contributing nothing and i am afraid I will never regain trust and love for him. He decided behind my back to withhold his income from our joint account, saying he needs to be in control of his $ and though he did say he would pay 1/2 of all necessary bills, he does not think we need cable (I am the one who wants it) I said that's fine I'll pay for it...BUT he has 3 sons. He does expect me to contribute to their care. I don't see how his children from a previous marriage should be my responsibility. Am I wrong? It seems like he wants to have total control over his stuff and that is fine but then to dictate to me about my stuff too??? I freaked out on the phone with him yesterday, now of course he won't answer. I am happy for you finding your strength and admire you for your hard work and ability to take care of you. I just feel so abandoned, unloved, disrespected, angry, untrusted and still afraid to leave him. How can I hope to stay in this marriage? It does not seem sane.
