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Hi all, I am feeling a bit ashamed. My AB has been sober for 2 months and is doing really well attending meetings, keeping in contact etc. I on the other hand am becoming very resentful after everything I have been through still feel very alone. As he gets better and better he seems to be out all the time. We both work and have children from previous relationships, plus he is going to 3/4 meetings a week. This weekend he went to an alcohol free barbie with his aa mates. I should be so grateful but I feel jelous he tells me he sat with women laughing his self esteem is growing by the day. I feel so neglected. I am so angrey with myself I know I need to be patient and understanding BUT IT IS SO HARD. I have waited for his sobriety for so long. I am hormonal at mo so hopefully things will improved soon and I can get back on my programme. Just have to ask HP for guidance on how to live with sobriety.
I use to think the same way about my A Relitives... I can not tell someone else how to "Run" their program however, I can keep our focus on My own, and better myself.
The way "I" see it, is you are doing great... Havin Faith in HP, has never steered me Wrong, so that in its self is "baby Steps" to recovery... I no for me, I have to call out my issues here on the boards, and then once I look at the ESH of others, I go back and read "My" post and then re-read theirs again, for then I can see what they see from Me, and how I came across, and that alone helps me grow in my recovery...
Keep Coming Back, and One Day At A Time ... This too Will Pass... Thanks for Sharing :) Hugs & Prayers Jozie
i can relate. why can't i go to these aa bbq's too? i haven't asked him yet, and when the next one happens i'm going to be out of town (taking a little vacation to my bff's house in LA) so i think i'm getting mad just for the sake of getting mad...
it's frustrating. and i feel like i'm having program slips too. and then when i feel like i'm having a program slip, i get mad at myself. it's a vicious cycle. the only thing that helps for me is getting to a f2f meeting.
don't beat yourself up. you're having normal reactions to a difficult circumstance. get to a meeting, pray, meditate, do whatever you need to do to find your own center and inner peace.
Your post reinforces why there are almost as many books out there, helping us with early recovery, as there are that help us with active alcoholism.... early sobriety is extremely tough, on both the A AND his/her family.... I'd encourage you to read the GTS books - not sure which volume it is, but one of Toby's books deal with this stage of early recovery....
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha Tracy... Your complaint is normal for the disease...sucks but normal. It's not all about them when you realize there are so many opportunities for yourself in Al-Anon and that recovery is a long haul event. Alkies hang with Alkies in recovery for tons of reasons and seem to switch addictions...drinking and using for using meetings and fellowship all the time. We are warned about and told about this and still we go with what is easiest. As a member of both fellowships I have made the decision not to switch addictions. The drinking is arrested and I have a life without alcohol to attend to. Yes I hang from time to time with recovering "others" but not for too long and too often. My wife and I attend "double winner" (AFG and AA) meetings and social events. I do AA social events from time to time but rarely if my spouse doesn't want to go. I will do the Holiday events without her but have I think reasonable boundaries as to when and how long.
Get "into" the Al-Anon Program. You will recover much better with the help and support and love of others in the program.
happiness comes from WITHIN me never w/out.....i used to depend on others and their approval..their attention...thier being with me for me to be happy
if i were dating an "A" which , after recovery now, i would not date a substance abuser, but if i were, and he was "doing his thing" I would do MY thing with MY friends or family or myself...
I make me happy...I validate me...I take care of me...If i want to do something/go somewhere and noone is around to take me??? I GO with ME!!!!
I am by myself now...No alkies in my life and thank you God it is going to stay that way...No toxins in my life either because I CHOSE to be not in another's drama, chaos etc...
I have many friends and relatives that are healthy and if they cannot be with me, i do stuff by myself...i have to make my own happiness and it comes from WITHIN me....prayer and meditation help so much....working my program, fellow shipping w/my recovery mates..found a good church...going back into tennis when my back heals and it is....
if another bothers me, i talk with them about it, how i feel about it, what changes i need. (setting boundary) ...depending on the "offfense" i decide whether or not to stay close to them or distance myself or let the relationship go
he has the right to do what he wants...it is his life..his choice..maybe he wants distance...maybe he just wants to be friends , now, hes early in recovery..maybe his sponsor said "nothing heavy" with anyone until you have been in recovery for a while.....i know my sponsor told me that..........NO boy-girl stuff till i was in recovery for at LEAST 2 years.....i obeyed....glad i did b/c now i can "pick healthier".....i can discern better.....maybe your friend just wants some space...either way, you are powerless......you can only take care of you.....
i would feel my feelings..get them past me and then work on MY program...get into a meet..call my sponsor.....work the steps work on ME
