The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi Guys! I saw my ah today, we have been separated for about 4 months. After 3 and a half months of blustering and threatening he is now entering his sad phase. Though it is very real to him and I have empathy for his deluded mentality, at the same time, I am so glad that finally I can see the "game" before me like on a great big screen!! I was terrified for 15 years that this man would kill himself. I have babied and propped him up through thick and thin. When he used to get in his depressed phase I would be right there counselling him, worrying for him, giving him lots of "love" while he would just mope and suck it all in. Little did I realise that I was draining my life away. I may as well have been loving a bottomless pit! But today thanks to Alanon and the awakening that God has given me, I can let him get in his "pit" on his own!! I can look into it (say hi, be friendly and caring)but I am looking at it from above. No more will I be afraid of him suiciding. Thats where this disease can take you, to the horrible places that an alcoholic goes. Fear, blame, control, anger, lonliness, escapism and soul wrenching misery.....for some strange reason I clung to a sick person so hard I got sick too. I still have times when that old fear rises up and i want to caretake and counsel and help him through it. But I can think first now as those horrible heavy emotions have passed. I am not afraid of his down side anymore. Alcoholism, is a sickness of repetition. We/they do the same thing over and over again. IN recovery, it becomes so obvious!. But tomorrow is a new day for me, every day, one day at a time. Silverbrumby.
Once we are in recovery our previous actions are a real forehead smacker. The ole *smack* What in the world was I thinking?? For me, it was like fog clearing when the sun comes out.
Good for you!!
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
