The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have been on the roller coaster from h*** for quite some time now. Eight days ago I asked my AH to pack and go since he refused to see his alcohol addiction was hurting the entire family. For the first time in a long time I felt sane and happy again. He called the next morning to inform me he was checking himself in to a detox treatment center. I visited him last Wednesday night and he asked if he was able to come back home when he was released on Saturday. At that moment I told him a great deal of damage has been done that I too was extremely sick from the disease. He looked very sad but accepting of my feelings. I am ever so grateful he made the decision for himself to get well. I feel like I can sort through and begin healing day by day. I made it a full time job picking up the pieces, looking for bottles, doubting myself 24/7, etc... Long story short he was going to come out Saturday and rent a room w/a friend. A friend that drank w/him a lot in the past. I decided maybe this would not be the best way for him to recover so I told him to come home but be sure you have a plan in place. This is the final chapter for me. I cant allow my self to be hurt again and have totally turned it over to my HP. For the first time in a long time I feel safe. I know this will be a long road but one that is worth while. The first two days have not been easy but WOW the will power is truly amazing. He is having W/D symtoms from the Xanax he was prescribed for over 4 years. Not sure what the future holds but I am very hopeful! Thank you to all of you as I have actually started the online meetings and reading "Getting Them Sober" after years of denial myself!
The only hope , that I see, of making this work is you keeping focus on taking care of you and your leaving him to deal with / take responsibiity for his own stuff......as long as you "pick up the pieces,etc" your enabling him to not see what his problems are
i see that you have set a boundary (saying to him this is last chapture) and that is good.......letting him know that the consequences are losing his wife, home, etc. if he does not get into recovery and work through his problems and lead a sober life...
that was good work..taking care of you, letting him know that "this is it...last chance"....now if you don't STAND to that, then all is lost...he will see that your word means nothing.....
we have to be prepared to stand by our boundaries and be prepared for the consequences of setting our boundaries/taking care of us...it may mean loss of the relationship, but really if it goes there, what, really have you lost????? if one cannot respect MY boundaries and i lose the the relationship b/c i set boundaries to take care of me and they did not like it..., i really did not lose anything worth while, did I???
I hope this works out for you...You did good, putting it in hands of HP....now its time to leave it (situation) and him THERE.......LET GO and whether happens is for the best as long as you stay in alignment w/your Higher Power...
I truly wish you and hubby good luck. If you had a good relationship to build on in the first place, survival of the marriage is much easier. I guess my A was lucky in a way because after he detoxed he was too sick to drink. He could barely walk let alone reason anything out. Please keep in mind the first few months are really rough. Their body is making an adjustment to not having what it is used to, let alone fighting what their brain is telling them. Letting him work his program doesn't mean that you can't be understanding with how he feels physically and mentally. My A and I had many talks, in time (as his health improved) we discussed the destruction and also the future. I don't think you can be so involved in program that you don't discuss what you need to do as a team.
There's much to overcome..but it surely is doable.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
I am not a doctor, however I do know going through this process is very dangerous without medical help.
Also with out AA or rehab this is like a diabetic going off sugar with out being tested for and taught how to handle his insulin needs.
I really had to say this. It is from my own experience. AA recommends 90 meetings in 90 days whether you feel good or not. From what I have seen to just quit the drug is nothing but torture to an end of using again. NO one can go through that and feel it is worth it.
What I have seen is an addict who wants recovery, is they do it with grabbing all the help they can to accomplish it with all the appropriate help available!
In saying this, he is very,very sick. What I would do is get info on AA, and on detox from xanax, xanax addiction and whatever other information. I also would give him the phone number to a doctor who knows how to treat addicts.
It is up to him to do what he chooses.
It is sooooo wonderful that he is seeing where he is, and is doing his best to get clean. My prayer is he will get help from professionals.
I hope you too, get yourself to meetings here or at home, and talk to your sponsor.
I agree w/your post Debilyn. He is very very sick and has been for a long time. This is a step in the right direction. He does have a doctor to help with the process. The xanax was prescribed along w/his depression medicine about 4 years ago. He always took it as prescribed. They have taken him off the xanax because of the alcohol addiction and have given something else for the anxiety. We talked about this years ago as I was surprised a doctor would keep someone on that for any length of time because it is addicting. They told him at detox he was knocking on deaths door by drinking and mixing it with his meds. He is working through it and each day he seems a little less on edge. Not getting my hopes up as I always get hurt. I keep telling myself progress not profection for myself or my AH.
I am seeing things a lot different now as I heal which is wonderful. I feel as if the big black cloud I was trapped n has finally moved. As he works his program I will continue to work mine. If the marriage works great and if it doesn't I know its not from lack of trying! Thanks again for your post you are always more than helpful.
