The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My A is starting a long summer vacation and, rather than stress about the misery and drama possibly coming my way due to such close proximity, I have decided to relax and try to get my mind off of my stress with a little comic relief.
My apologies go out to the "double winners" out there, this top ten list is not in any way meant to offend. We ALL need to learn to laugh at ourselves. None of this is mean spirited or meant to give insult. It is my own way of blowing off some steam and maybe will do the same for someone else.
THE TOP TEN THINGS AN ALCOHOLIC AND TODDLER HAVE IN COMMON
1) Both think they are the center of the univers. The toddler because it is a normal developmental stage their brain goes through, and the Alcoholic because they say so!
2) Both have to have it...and have it NOW!!! The toddler because they have not yet learned patience, and the Alcoholic because they also have not yet learned patience...because their emotional growth was stunted in childhood after they began drinking on the sly.
3) Both leave the kitchen a disaster area after trying to prepare a meal. The toddler due to not having enough fine motor skills and brain connections to have good coordination and planning skills, the Alcoholic because they DO have good fine motor skills...and use them to "accidentally on purpose" make a mess to teach you a lesson to not have cooked their favorite meal yourself.
4) Both scream at the top of their lungs when frustrated. The toddler because they have not yet developed enough maturity to know that there are ways other than screaming to get what they want, and the alcoholic because they have chemically paralyzed the higher functioning parts of their brain, and so are functioning on a primitive brain level...that of a toddler.
5) Both wet their pants on a regular basis. The toddler due to not yet having developed enough nerve conections to fully control their bladder, and the Alcoholic due to drinking a substance which disconnects their conscious brain from the nerves controlling their bladder...except they do it on PURPOSE.
6) Both will consume their substance of choice until they throw up and or lose consciousness. The toddler will eat cookies and candy until they throw up and fall asleep from the blood sugar crash that follows. The Alcoholic also ingests a substance until they throw up and pass out, but there is a lot of funny walking/singing/dancing/talking in between.
7) Both can become very adept at throwing crowd stopping embarrassing tantrums. The toddler because they have not yet learned how to use words to express complex feelings and emotions, the Alcoholic because they just don't care who looks or stares and how much of a scene they are causing, they just want to GET THEIR WAY!
8) Both sleep at the most innopurtune times. The toddler needs frequent sleep breaks due to the growth spurt that usualy occurs during this stage of develpment, while the alcoholic simply choses to induce a chemical coma by means of a chemical substance and does not mind being unconscious at times when most responsible adults are awake and alert.
9) Both have a wierd fashion sense. The toddler due to learning about colors and their personal preferences in their clothing, the Alcoholic due to spending most available cash on a chemical substance, besides the fact that planning for, purchasing, and imbibing their chemical concussion substance does not leave much time and effort for silly things like personal expression.
10) Both are unrealiable. The toddler due to having not yet developed good short term memory skills, they usually remember only what they have a vested interest in remembering, like where the cookie jar is. The alcoholic is unreliable due to the fact that they ONLY THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES, and, how to obtain more of their chemical concussion substance to imbibe until they wet their pants, sing and dance funny, scream, have a tantrum, throw up, pass out, and wet their paints.
