The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I'm finally meeting the boyfriend's parents after 5 months of dating and am sort of beating myself up a little bit. I am full of reasons that they are going to hate me, I'm fat, I'm old, I have a bunch of kids, I'm liberal and they are very conservative, they are religious and I'm not, he deserves better, why is he choosing you, etc.....
He loves me, I love him, I really shouldn't care what they think except we all know that it matters. I think part of this is what he has built up in my mind by keeping me a secret all this time because he thought they wouldn't approve of us. I also know that no matter how much we want to think that it doesn't matter what others think of us it really does. He lives with them and if he has to hear constantly that he deserves better he may believe that. I know, I know if he does then I deserve better... But still the fears are there preying on my mind right now.
So the fears are unrealistic probably and if they're not then it's just something else for him to deal with. I would love to find a way to get past this so it doesn't shine through when I meet them. I have been telling myself how awesome I am having a hard time believing myself and seeing the positive in me and not the negative.
I believe in universal laws and karma..so if negative fear is what you are thinking, that is what you are sending out there. AHHHHH Stop!!!
Imagine the "perfect" way it will be!! Even if you don't believe as I do then believing that it will all work out will take your mind from the negative direction.
Remember too that fear is all imagined. If you can imagine fear, you can imagine perfection.
You are awesome, how can they resist??? LOL!!
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Wait a second, what other people think of you is none of your business!!!! That includes The Parents!!! And actually, 5 months is just about the right amount of time to be dating before you meet the parents. Your relationship has moved faster than the adverage, but so what.
And lets not forget that YOU have an opinion of THEM also. Take them off the alter, CG and remember they are only human. It is good to try to make a nice first impression but it isn't the be all end all of the relationship, right?
Maybe you will not like THEM. Maybe you will have no desire to ever interact with them except on a superficial level. Or maybe you will become fast friends.
Good luck, you are not fat or old. You are perfectly you. And they will see that.
Thanks, I keep telling me that too... LOL Just the bad thoughts keep creeping back in, I just have to get right by tomorrow. I'm going to visualize perfection, thanks Christy. Using the secret... :D
Have you ever thought about how Al Anon skills may help you?
What slogans could you use in your situation? The 3 C's can fit if you are concerned if they don't like you. NO control, did not cause it, can not change it.
Serenity prayer, fit the situation in. Our lives can become so much easier and richer if we use the Al Anon tools offered to us.
Going to meetings helps us to know ourselves and learn to be more confidant. We also learn to share and realize other people do like us.
The disease will follow us and be in us until we work the program. If we are to be good for anyone else, it helps to go in with out that baggage.
I know your kids and you will be well accepted, will look for an update!
Ps even if you are fat, who cares? I don't get it, I have had beautiful men in my time and have been slender, average pg, overweight, too overweight back to average.
NONE of them ever cared at all. If a woman is beautiful, she is beautiful. I have hear major bands say they wish the girls who has some meat on them would come to their concerts!
Fat is NOT a negative thing. It is not a crime, it is not perverted, it is not wrong. I mean what is it, is someone afraid that a heavier person will take up more room?
