The material presented
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Hmm.. I DON'T have a 'User's Guide' but am finding my perfectionism bleeding through to my recovery.
I've been struggling alot lately with working the steps ENOUGH. Granted, I just recently got a new sponsor that I had needed for quite sometime and started working on Step One in the Path's to Recovery Book - I'm still not FEELING anything about it. No significant change and I'm struggling to REMEMBER it and to put it into practice.
I keep thinking I'm not doing enough work and if this is true - what is the work I should be doing, the effort I should be putting forth? I'm attending meetings and trying to connect with my sponsor as much as possible, but sometimes I feel like it's SO difficult to THINK differently. Sometimes I feel a tremendous amount of resistance. I am faced with situations that tax me emotionally and mentally and then get angry with myself when I fail to meet it with 'program tools.'
Trusting the process is NOT easy and I keep wondering whether or not I'm truly 'doing the work'.
Hmm.. I DON'T have a 'User's Guide' but am finding my perfectionism bleeding through to my recovery.
I've been struggling alot lately with working the steps ENOUGH. Granted, I just recently got a new sponsor that I had needed for quite sometime and started working on Step One in the Path's to Recovery Book - I'm still not FEELING anything about it. No significant change and I'm struggling to REMEMBER it and to put it into practice.
#### Its OK...That is normal...I didn't *feel*anyting for quite some time....I had to get into it..get used to it...like wading in a pool.....gradual going in the deep end....some folks just dive off the diving board and they are in....I like to wade in and one step at a time....so its OK....I did the same thing...I just kept at it and i did feel....i didnt see any changes either....they kinda snuck up on me......and remembering??? it takes repetition to remember....the steps are intense...we gotta 'digest" them....
I keep thinking I'm not doing enough work and if this is true - what is the work I should be doing, the effort I should be putting forth? I'm attending meetings and trying to connect with my sponsor as much as possible, but sometimes I feel like it's SO difficult to THINK differently. Sometimes I feel a tremendous amount of resistance. I am faced with situations that tax me emotionally and mentally and then get angry with myself when I fail to meet it with 'program tools.'
Trusting the process is NOT easy and I keep wondering whether or not I'm truly 'doing the work'.
####### I thought so too..."work harder...so something will happen"....i over did it and got fatigued....even the maker rested on the 7th day.....I took breaks but not long ones b/c i knew i needed this.....its just a process, like painting a big house...one brush stroke at a time and after a short while you begin to see new paint and nicer look.....the work, is the steps...meets and if you don't have a sponsor, post on the boards....the steps , i see, are numbered for a REASON...i just follow it....it makes sense after a while.....i just got a few workbooks on them and EASY DOES IT..went through them on MY timing...MY comfort zone...meditation on them....journalling to myself about what i discovered.....i can relate to "not using program tools" when something happens....it took LOTS of practice, discipline, REPETITION for me to get into the habit of the steps and tools.....EASY DOES IT.....Rome was not built in a day......
I think you are doing the work b/c you are HERE...ASKING.....REACHING OUT....thats part of it...coming out of the darkness of denial and into the light of accepting that I have a problem and I am now confronting them....via the steps....co-sponsoring w/a few recovery mates....meetings...posting on boards....heck you post enough on the boards, that is almost like going to a sponsor for esh, or working the steps, b/c your reading other peopl's stuff and saying "oh yea, that is me, i need to work on that"...
that is why I hate to see folks come here and share only when they need to and not GIVE...READ other's shares....they rob themselves of the "new ideas" that others can offer.....I answer a lot of posts......1..to help........2..it helps ME..........this program is gloriously selfish, in that the more i give to it the more it gives to me...
i see you trying and interested in working the program....it will happen for you in just the right speed.....as to trust??? BOY, that was my hardest hurdle...but i just had to keep giving the fear over and over and over on step 3....i have major trust issues....i can turn on a dime if a person does me a wrong turn...it takes me forever to trust them again....i can forgive *forgiveable offenses* but trust takes a long time to come back, and depending on the severity of teh offense??? sometimes it never comes back....
i have been shafted, betrayed, lied to, used, abused, broken promises, dashed hopes, empty dreams, seen too many people with actions not matching their words....i have been wounded enough for TEN lifetimes...so yea, trust perhaps will always be a hard issue for me.....HARD to win...EASY to lose....but i go one day at a time
please keep coming back b/c YOU are WORTH it....
-- Edited by rosielightshines on Monday 15th of June 2009 08:12:33 PM
I have a feeling that you are doing just fine . your here , you have a new sponsor , we are our worst critics we really don't need any enemies . Some times i think we have our expectations of ourselves way out of whack , and remember we are about progress not perfection - proffection is no longer required - thank God cause that is alot of work . --try allowing yourself to just BE. Here is a description of a perfectionist I found in a old forum along time ago . Perfectionist = PROFFESIONAL FAULT FINDER . And I know u don't want to be a negative fault finder . you probably don't judge your al anon friends and others but continue to judge yourself . EASY DOES IT
RC I learned to ask others for honest feedback on how they thought I was doing by what they saw and what they heard. I emphasized "honest". One of the problems I had was that my thinker had been never used right so reading the user guide required the help of others who had a hardly used brain also. I also learned to do only part of the journey and when that part was done lay back in my HP's hands and just be held. It worked for me that and being told not to take myself soooo seriously. Other stuff too. Easy does it is one of our slogans.
I concur, great post and just what I needed right now, I have good days and bad days, on the good days, its all so easy, on the bad ones, its like running through a marsh with armour on, and they are the days I tend to remember, instead of the good days,
Some times i think we have our expectations of ourselves way out of whack , and remember we are about progress not perfection - proffection is no longer required - thank God cause that is alot of work . --try allowing yourself to just BE. 