The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks for the loving support re: my job and my other stuff...What would I do w/out my recovery family?????
I have noticed something...I am having a REAL hard time, staying in my body...staying focused and keeping my scrambling thoughts CALM and in the NOW....in otherwords I cannot RELAX...
I did an excercise last night and had to really, almost use FORCE to clear my mind...to STOP these racing thoughts.....it was stretching excercises and meditation on stuff that makes you relaxed....
my typing dislexia gets real bad when I cannot be grounded and yesterday, garage saling, I wasn't paying attention (what else is new lately??) and I left part of my purchases back at the g/sale....3 real cute little simple pictures that I could have hung in my office and made it cuter....
i got sooo upset with me, i just SCREAMED!!!!! I had to get it out and its like there are times I think I am HOPELESS as to staying in the now/ staying grounded/ stayin in my body/ QUIETING this awful racing mind......I got out the step 3 last night and I really really had to just say "i can't fight me anymore, YOU take over me".....i just felt like "whats the use???" i feel like DUNG!!!
I know its the ptsd....i just hate this condition....I get this pressure in my head, and that awful "spacy" feeling and the adrenalin surges......I just HATE this
I am gonna really detach and give over this job thingy, b/c I think the "what is he gonna do to me today???" feeling when I drive up to work is starting to bother my ptsd....also, the fact that i may have to give up this unhealthy thing to spare me the abuse, then its "worry time" about finances...yea, i can "get by" on SS, but i will need to find a pt thing SOON.....
So for TODAY....i am going out and gonna jump on the trampolene......Take betsy and daisy for a walk.....daisy is so fat she needs one......i am gonna SLOW DOWN......EASY DOES IT..........HOLD me in the NOW.............practice my slogans and try and SLOW ME DOWN>......
ptsd is a livng .....i just pray that SOMEDAY they (docs) take us sufferers seriously and can come up with a GOOD medicine or treatment for it that LASTS......i do everything i can to *manage* it and sometimes i feel like i am doing ok....and then , like lately, i feel like a am sicker with it......
OK.....I shared my feelings.....now i am gonna go jump and work off this extra adrrenalin that my poor adrenal glands keep producing....
i wonder if that is why i keep getting back spasms....b/c i am always like on "high alert"......and my muscles don't know, anymore, or I should say never learned how to RELAX and LET GO...........
what affirmations can i come up with that I will BELIEVE that can convince this thick head of mine that I AM SAFE NOW????? trouble is, if I don't really "buy into" the affirmation, it hasn't , in the past, really worked....
Thanks for listening.....and, if, any one has ptsd or any loved on with it...what do you/they do to manage this torture of PTSD???
-- Edited by debilyn on Monday 15th of June 2009 02:21:03 AM
Rosie, I don't know if this would help, but I read a centering/grounding exercise that said name 5 or 6 (I forget which) things you see, 5 or 6 you feel, 5 or 6 you hear, as many as you can that you smell. It just helps to keep you in the here and now and in your body. Sometimes when I'm feeling very small and alone and overwhelmed I get myself into a ball and wrap my arms around my knees and rock me to make up for the rocking I didn't get as a baby. And I self-talk every affirmative, caring, nurturing thing I can think of. If I were there, I'd offer to swaddle you. It comforts upset babies; it might work for adults. And I think going for a walk with your doggies has to be even better than that. Saying, "This, too shall pass." and "It will get better" (a mantra I used after I spoke to the nice woman who answered the phone when I called Alanon a long time ago, in an absolute panic. And I know you have all your slogans by heart. And you know that your HP is going to get you through this. Would it help to tell yourself that you don't even have to go back there Tuesday if it is too much? Or whatever it takes. You know? If you have made up your mind to leave, you may go back and find that they have picked up on some vibe in the field and will act better. I find that when I decide that I am going to do Y if X happens, then X often doesn't even materialize. (I still applaud your decision. Only somebody with the same syndrome you have can know how stress affects you.) That doesn't include me, btw. I was a little shell-shocked and am still hyper and have a hair trigger startle reflex, but I don't think my adrenals are entirely shot. I wondered there for awhile. You can do this. I'm sorry you are going through the suffering right now. The anticipation is probably worse than it will be if/when you go back. Because then you can be active. It's the what if's that get a body down. Blessings, Temple If I knew how, I'd change my sign off from "How Do I Sign This?" to "Duh!"
__________________
It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
I am PRINTING this and keeping this...........God bless you!!!! I can soooo resonate with this......a lady at an OLD meet was talking about panick attacks...she was in a grocery store and she began a panic attack and she said that to catch it and dispel it she STARED at her wrist and counted the brown spots on her wrist....THEN stared (always something close to her) at her dress and counted the dots on her dress.....she said after doing that for a few moments, she was calm and no panic attack....
Oh WOW!!!! NOW I get it...its like HOW can i be scared if i am "busy" in the "task" of telling myself what I smell or hear????
AND....another thing she said was like when your washing the dishes....narrate OUT loud what you are doing, LOL, it sounds funny, but yea, i can see the "Mechanics" in this
isn't it funny, reading your post just like BOINNNG hit a bell....like maybe i wasn't ready to really "buy into this" until now...............
BIG hugs of gratatitude to you......I am gonna fix dinner and i am gonna narrate what i am doing and count how many things I see and hear and also what I smell
WAY to go, TEMPLE........WHAT a blessing you are to answer me when i am sitting here thinking "ok, i ran the dogs.....NOW what can i do to HOLD me in the now????" and you come up with this PEARL!!!!!!!!
Your a peach!!!! I am gonna print this...save this....memorize this...LOL.....and yea, "this too shall pass" and "its OK...getting better"...
on the mantras i always use the present....like not "deferring" my good, but claiming it NOW.........
On the sign thing...go into your personal profile thingy like when you are on the page, you see your name on top r. and you go into your thing and there is a place for the "signature" thingy.......
I'll pm you in pvt after i go in there and have the steps ok???? I OWE ya for this GREAT idea you gave to me....glad I can help YOU with the signature thingy....
Oh Rosie, You made my day. Or the middle of my night. And old friend is visiting me and we sat up talking very late. I like Your hint about narrating. And after I posted to you earlier, I wondered if you are resisting a feeling. And I can understand if you are--overwhelm is not a fun feeling. However, I've been told that resisting an emotion is like trying to hold a beach ball under water. Feel it and release it. Thank you for the stupid signature fixing recipe. I will try it tomorrow when I am able to think better. I'm so tired. If I could do anything for you, I am just pumped, because reading your posts just gives me such hope and makes me applaud the human spirit. Ditto for the other ones who are so far into recovery and take the time to share and encourage us baby steppers. OOOx, Temple
__________________
It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
thanks to YOU reminding ME of an old thing that was told me and did not "sink in" at the time, my ptsd is better....Not as sick as I was...in fact I am quite feeling better.....I love the "beachball under water"...
as to feelings??? Mine had "freezer burn" on them they were frozen for so long....thawing out is a slow and arduous process as "thawing" too fast can put a body in shock and do harm......so HP has us go as fast as we can handle it....
"baby steppers"...Hey, 5-1/2 years ago I was a babystepper and ya know what???? I get as MUCH out of posts from "babysteppers" as I do the marathon runners......I enjoy reading your stuff too......
Oh Rosie, You made my day. Or the middle of my night. And old friend is visiting me and we sat up talking very late. I like Your hint about narrating. OOOx, Temple
I told my cousin that tonight....I am gonna be her sponsor I guess and she was having same trouble as me...I told her when she gets off the phone with me, and washes the evening dishes, to narrate what she is washing...what the soap smells like, what color are the dishes.....all that....she calls me back and said "oh my stress headache is GONE".....she gets real bad headaches like so bad she is "driving the porcelene bus".....poor thing....
Oh Rosie, You made my day. If I could do anything for you, I am just pumped, because reading your posts just gives me such hope and makes me applaud the human spirit. OOOx, Temple
Oh DITTO........and you did a BIG thing for me....its funny....i can hear something...it goes in my ear and out the other.....does not stick...then later, someone ELSE says something similiar and BANG!!!! it STICKS.......like they say...when the student is ready the teacher comes.....i am practicing it.....0000xxx back at ya
Sometimes when I'm feeling very small and alone and overwhelmed I get myself into a ball and wrap my arms around my knees and rock me to make up for the rocking I didn't get as a baby. And I self-talk every affirmative, caring, nurturing thing I can think of. If I were there, I'd offer to swaddle you. It comforts upset babies; it might work for adults. And I think going for a walk with your doggies has to be even better than that. Saying, "This, too shall pass." and "It will get better" (a mantra I used after I spoke to the nice woman who answered the phone when I called Alanon a long time ago, in an absolute panic.
#### Temple I did this last night, well, sorta, and it WORKED......I love this"I'd offer to swaddle you".....Your a dear to post this......
And I know you have all your slogans by heart. And you know that your HP is going to get you through this. Would it help to tell yourself that you don't even have to go back there Tuesday if it is too much? Or whatever it takes. You know? If you have made up your mind to leave, you may go back and find that they have picked up on some vibe in the field and will act better. I find that when I decide that I am going to do Y if X happens, then X often doesn't even materialize. (I still applaud your decision.
##### yea, and now I am needing to use them.....YES...HP is getting me through this......I will go in on Tues...this week i will know a lot more, but just the *decision* that Yea, its gonna be over....and yea, I CAN leave if I must...I will be OK...eases up a lotof tension.......I think my mind is made up.....TOTAL detachment from here on.....MYOB..come in do my job...MYOB and keep focus on me.....I wonder if they are smart enough to p/u on the vibes....but i know what ya mean here.....GREAT ideas.....thanks for validating me...
It has me wondering - I kind of think many of us Al-anoners suffer from ptsd to some degree or another and don't realize it. It is traumatic to live with active alcholism. Some of us unfortunately are victims of other abuse in addition to the chaos of growing up with As and become even more susceptible to ptsd.
I really like what you both have to offer in terms of techniques to bring me back into the NOW.
It has me wondering - I kind of think many of us Al-anoners suffer from ptsd to some degree or another and don't realize it. It is traumatic to live with active alcholism. Some of us unfortunately are victims of other abuse in addition to the chaos of growing up with As and become even more susceptible to ptsd.
I really like what you both have to offer in terms of techniques to bring me back into the NOW.
Great stuff!
Hey Blender-------nice to see you!!!!!
yea, I think lots of folks have ptsd and may not even be aware....it used to be called "shell shock"....or "battle fatigue"....it can be in varous forms of severity......
My first attack, I fell down a flight of stairs...head first......docs at the hospital, had me hooked up to so much wire, I could have been a readio conduit to england and I am in USA.....anyway, doc told my mother "mam-- whatever is causing this, you better remove it (my abusive father) or she will DIE...YOu got it,mam , she wil DIE"
I was sooo bad, i now have damage to my nervous system, my adrenals and also my brain chemistry is changed....I'll be on meds for rest of my life UNLESS HP performs the miracle I need to be healed....Its not just mental/emotional for me, it became physical....the LONG term subjecting me to trauma by my OWN father, coming into my room and murdering my hope/dreams/trust/love/potential, had its effects on me...ptsd is nothing to mess around with.....a lot of cases can be overcome by meds and intense recovery work.....mine??? well, I can at best manage and improve, but I am not expecting much more.....I go it ONE day at a time....LITERALLY.....
This thread remind me of learning and practicing in the program. I once was told that if I didn't like what was happening to me as a result of what I was doing to do the opposite. I didn't listen alot, talked alot, used my constant talking to keep the silence away and to put up walls against other peoples' (with more experience) in put. I was diagnosed PTSD and only one of the remedies was practicing the new believe that the past cannot hurt me unless I allow it. I stopped allowing it by not talking about it, by working forgiveness, by repreating the awareness "it is over" and the slogan "Let it go". I hung on to it for a reason and that reason was I had learned nothing new to replace it. Quiet for me was a strange place to be. I had needed the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual disturances to overcome my fear. I had to learn to stand still, quiet myself in and out and become receptive to HP's Love, Voice and Will. It worked(s) in spades. Today I am mostly PPTSD (Post Post traumatic stress disordered). I have been on occassions in the early years of program asked to leave meetings because of the problem. I've been told in the past to shut up and sit down and listen listen listen and then practice. I've been told to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth that I could not learn from talking only from listening. That all challenged my fear which was a part of my PTSD that was a part of being born and raised under the sign of alcoholism.
I'm still working on it because it works.
Heres hoping that you get more answers to the problems you discover.
GREAT stuff!! I am gonna try ANYthing short of hanging myself to get rid of this PTSD.....my doc said its uncurable if it is due to long term trauma...it changes the body in many ways, but my HP CAN....HP CAN heal me....I am gonna do ALL the legwork he needs me to do to achieve this healing...
Hi RosieLight, My friend and I have talked nonstop all day today. Note to Jerry: I stopped talking at least half the time and listened. She has come so far from shaky beginnings and has always prayed and relied on her HP. Tomorrow I'm going to ask her about her boundary setting. Hope everybody is having a good night. I really liked Jerry's post. Let go and Let God. And Listen, is what I heard.
__________________
It's easy to be graceful until someone steals your cornbread. --Gray Charles
.....i just pray that SOMEDAY they (docs) take us sufferers seriously and can come up with a GOOD medicine or treatment for it that LASTS......i do everything i can to *manage* it and sometimes i feel like i am doing ok....and then , like lately, i feel like a am sicker with it......
