The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Some of you will know by now that I am very slow to anger, even quicker to forgive and not aggressive though I am assertive. I know enough of myself to be able to say that about myself.
However, what is strange to me is that I cannot even begin to tell you how angry I am feeling right now...I am so very angry...I hate this disease, I hate that one of the gifts of God could be turned into a substance that is so so abusive if taken in excess.
I know, there are lots of things that we could abuse, yes anything can be abusive if taken in excess and not in moderation. Food, to the obese, chocolate to the person who does not control how much consumed, gambling as a fun game becomes an obsession, cigarettes when I cannot see one thing good about them even in moderation and as a non smoker I can be annoyed that someone elses habit contaminates even the air that I breathe, and so here I am at a point of ANGER against alcohol that is quite unreasonable.
The alcohol is not the problem, it is a know fact that a glass of red wine can actually be very good for the body and the iron content of a good sherry was even prescribe by my midwife, not that i took any notice of that, when I was so annemic.
It is the inability that some have to be able to control the consumption before it has a hold on them and they become dependent on it's affects that it becomes so dangerous to life and limb and all those who are affect by the relationship the alcoholic has with them.
Why, why, why is it that some are not strong enough to resist the urge to consume more than is good for them that it becomes an addiction.
I am angry that this disease took away my friend. I am angry that the family chose to ignore that there was a problem here and that it was killing my friend slowly but surely. I am angry that my friend was in denial and so brought her life to an early end. I am angry that I had to watch once more someone destroy their life and take away the happiness I had in sharing my life and love with them only to be hurt by their addiction once more in my life. I am angry that I have been hurt once again. I am angry that this addiction has hurt so many others too. I am angry at the selfishness the disease brings about in the A. I am angry that this great gift of life has been abused and ended so cruelly. I am angry that the fruit of the vine, one of our wonderful gift has been used to destroy.
I am angry, I am angry, I am angry.
And this has surprised me and frightened me and so I am venting it all herein the safety of this understanding wise knowledgeable informed family whom I trust and know will understand and help me gain my equilibrium again.
Thank you for letting me let rip and get this out of my system, out of my head, allowing me to acknowledge how angry I am and letting me share so that I can make a start on dealing with this is a healthier way.
__________________
Out of the ruin of my past I have found the fortress of myself and I know how to defend it.
Strive for WISDOM; Seek SERENITY; NEVER compromise your INTEGRITY.
Feel your anger, you have your rights to it. I too had this right after I lost my Afather last Nov. I was Very Angry when he past, just because like you said, we get to watch it happen... My father finally about a month before he died, told me flat out... I CAN'T Do It!! I watched him try, he had nothing left... The only thing I think some times that keeps me going is knowing that he is in God's hands now, his pain is over, and I still need to work on mine...
I have been pray'n that you "Take it Easy on You", and just "Easy Does it" for a while, it has been a long week.. You have givin so much up yourself here, that is only seems fair you keep a little of your Strength for yourself.
I too was angry at my AGrandma for spoiling my AFather and allowing him NEVER to handle his own affairs, she to now is suffering for those deeds. So I understand your being angry with the family as well. I have had alot of loss in my short life already, and it does not get any easier for me as times go on... I have lost My best friend by a Drunk Driver our Senior year of high school, Its going on 20 yrs here soon, and it hurts and the anger still come back. For the one that did it still is walking around the streets, and lives right next door to my step son... He goes on, She does not...
Feel your angry Suz, You earned it.. Hand it to HP, and let HP take it from there... I love this place for it helps me get back on track, and move forward instead of staying stuck.. You are an inspiration to many, and a blessing...
Anger is a good emotion...It signals us to set boundary, or to make a change in some other way
Its OK to be angry at this pain brought upon us by others and yea, its hard to understand the WHY of it all...I guess that is part of life that we just have to trust that we will know all things when we leave this earth...
I ask all the time "God WHY can't my daughter quit drugs??? Why are my 2 brothers drinking themselves to death????? WHY????"
Its OK to ask why...to me its OK to get mad.....and yea, I hear ya....I relate....I am losing my kid to this.....I have to move on adn take care of me...
Anger is something I don't do much. Not anymore. I remember and sure did not like it!
I know for me the "whys" don't matter as I can't change it anyhow.
I think it became a non emotion for me most the time becuz it wasted my energy.
If I could do something great, if not, gave it to hp.
Part I suppose is vengence is not mine maybe.
When it is a great loss as you have gone thru, it is perfectly natural. Anger that you could not stop it and no one else could either.
The thing that concerns me is sue is that you do what you can! Do a special ceremony just for her. Like plant a special pretty flower just for her and leave a candle near it all day.
Or put her memory in a chair in front of you and tell her how you feel.
My losing everyone except my kids, and my daughter is being a putz still, has made me sick for so long.
Months ago something changed and happiness returned again. I still miss MOther and gma. I have these two darling puffy puppies shih tze, poodle and maltese. I want to take them to see them so bad.
They both would love them. Brimley for Wilford and Pabu means puffball in Tibetan. I call him Pappy.
Or I want to know how to make something, or I need to get a hug from my husband....
But I feel it quick and move on.
You have lots of wound to heal hon! I guess who or what are you angry at? Addiction does not care. It is not the creators fault.
NOT saying we should not get angry, thinking out loud. If I see injustice, I get protective like a mother bear.
or that saying," I got angry enough to do something about it."
Right now I am frustrated that this stupid board won't work.....)o:
Wish I could drive over, throw a coat over your jammies, stick you in my car.
Then take you to this park and have you sit with me by the waterfalls and feed ya breakfast! Gritz, fake bacon and egg sw on cheese bread! And some grape juice of course!
I remember taking my hands and throwing away the pain, throwing it as hard as I could.
Anger is a completely normal part of grief - and if you have stuffed it at other times of grief, then new grief will bring out the anger at the new AND at the old.
You're acknowledging that that's how you feel - what a healthy, hard, brave step. I'm glad you came here to get it out.
(((((Suzannah)))) Anger is one of the steps we have to take toward acceptance of an event we are powerless over. You didn't cause it, couldn't control it and couldn't cure her and it's nasty and sick. Anger is also about fear of what is so powerful that it boggles the mind at the number of victims there are especially the ones we try to attend to. We cannot cure it/them.
Soon you will arrive at acceptance and you get a chance to practice acceptance more often and it results in freedom from fear and anxiety, anger and confusion, and more often leaves us in the belief that no matter what happens we will be fine between our HP and ourselves. Acceptance also allows us to participate in events that normally would shake our serenity, with awareness and hope.
You haven't caused the way things are they just are and you get to choose how you move around it.
I had to rage 22 months b4 I could get to the crying stage....Like the anger was a "lid" to my grief.....so yea, its hard, but it has to get out otherwise we get a big nasty bill re: sicknesses, muscle spasms, et al in our poor bodies....I FEEL now and sometimes the feelings are painful, but there is two types of healing
HARD pain of denial SOFT pain of coming out of denial...FEELING the feelings, then comes acceptance
You did good!!! You FELT....I couldn't say that about me not so long ago...Thank God, I can FEEL and then move on...
I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. I don't know about your friend's family but I have done real hijinks for my sister (who is an alcoholic). These days I don't have that to give. None of us really know what a family goes through because most of the time people are too burned out to even speak of it.
