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Well, my husband/oldest baby threw a fit last night. He was in a bad mood. He was eating in bed and my baby daughter spilled his soda. I was so pissed at him, cause he's the adult. She's a baby, he's the one that has to take care of her nad see that she doesn't spill soda all over herself.
He asked where the extra pillow was and I kinda yelled It's in the closet!! Well. my fault, I walked right into that one. I should've just ignored his attempts to make me feel angry. Do not react!
He decided to go sleep at his parents house, without telling me he was going there. Had to find out from his mom today. I shared all of this in the meeting this morning, and truly let it there. I'm not angry anymore.
Buy I am thinking about talking to him and letting him know, that going to sleep somewhere else every time he has a hizzy fit, is NOT an option. He can either accept the fact we live with a one year old who spills, cries, yells, poops, etc and be a grown up. Or he can go live with his parents and be a baby forever. His mother certainly thinks he still is...
We'll see what happens. I just hate that modus operandi of his to run away. Reminds me of the not so long gone drunken days.
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
He can either accept the fact we live with a one year old who spills, cries, yells, poops, etc and be a grown up. Or he can go live with his parents and be a baby forever. His mother certainly thinks he still is...
awwww they are sooo cute and clean and innocent when they are sooo young....Dont ya wish they could stay that way sometimes???? Under our protective wings????
Priscilla I too know how it feels for the aH to jump ship when the going gets "tough". For the majority of our 10 yr relationship (7 yr marriage) whenever things got upsetting for him, he'd bail. Last October was the last time, when we had a fight about me having a problem with his being "tipsy" and driving our 4 yr old son around. He left for the final time then.
I have abandonment issues to begin with, with losing my father at 3 months old, and the man I knew as "Dad" walking out on me when I was 12, along with a Mother who always chose her men over her children.
I guess it's not so unusual that I would choose a man who walks out on me any chance he gets. Though, that doesn't take away the pain, for how that feels. If I could turn back time, I'd accentuate and enforce the abandonment boundary with my aH the first time he did it and there'd be no 2nd chances.
Walk out on me once...you're a fool Walk out on me twice...I'm the fool
Just where Im at with all that. Take what you like, leave the rest.
I know the ex A I lived with could indeed be very very childish. I think for me until I had a plan be it wasn't an option to tell the A very strict boundaries that meant he could behave or go. I had to get to a place where I was financially and emotionally independent of him. For me that was a long haul. There is a saying in Al anon that we don't say something until we mean it. I know for years I gave the ex A ultimatums, they meant a lot to me but I could hold onto none of them. When I made a plan be, when I focused exclusively on myself for a long long time I could then set limits much more effectively I had the boundary up to take care of myself. In some ways setting ultimatums I could not hold onto made me feel even more full of self doubt because I felt like I was ineffectual.
I thought I wanted to have a child with my exAH but when the reality set in and when I look at the whole situation in hindsight, I thank my lucky stars and HP daily I did not have a child with him.
I realized that I did not want to raise a child alone, much less two children alone as a single parent. This would have been my cross to bear for the rest of my life and I would have had a lifetime connection with him because of it.
God, we laugh about having 4 babies in the house. 2 real babes, a dog and AH. He looked up at me the other day and said, really I'm like another baby. I couldn't help myself and just laughed.
But on a more serious note. my AH storms off all the time, he is always looking for another excuse to leave. I have pulled the same ultimatums and they never work out. I've been in the program almost 9 months and most seriously the last 3 months. I have found silence is golden. I seriously don't know exactly what to say or what not to say, so I respond to some of his simple requests but when he gets pissy I just stay silent and wait. Eventually he comes around and uses a little respect with his request or just storms off all pissy and doesn't hand over his pissy attitude to me. That's the biggest blessing in all of this is that I don't get as worked up about it. And certainly, not verbalizing my acknowledgement of his attitude has lessened it's effect on the whole situation.
Good luck. It's tough enough having one baby to clean up after. :)
