The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I think I am finally waking up! Literally! I have been asleep for so many years mentally that I am ready to wake up. I have had trouble sleeping for a long time but today I am awake & it is good! Even my Ah is helping me get it together. I have seen him through a lot too. Lately he has been getting used to this new me who is demanding & controlling but I am not proud of all this crap I pull. I want to "change" but I am having trouble--I get so moody & sometimes really anxious. I have a lot to work through! Sometimes I think I haven't recovered from the past but am still recovering from this disease of course! I have a lot of recovering to do. I know we will never be " cured"! Just yesterday my Ah told me I was being mean to him & I was but I wouldn't really admit it. I just get so tired of trying to please him even though he is easy to please. Crazy huh? I will keep doing not just " trying"! I am told often that you don't try you do! I have given up just attempting something. I have to really work on taking action. This is probably the longest rambling post I have ever done --forgive me! I have to tell myself to just get to the point & shut up! I am done! Kathleen
I am currantly having myself a dragging Week, just can't seem to pull it together, and get busy myself...
I know what you mean about giving to them, even tho they don't ask... I am too trying to break that habit, and I have noticed that when I do, there are times of bordum on my part...lol... I guess because I feel i should do it any way... Hard to explain really, I just last month "Stopped" making my Husbands Dinner Plate... I have done it for 13 years, and his weight has always been in issue for him, so I have desided, that maybe I over do him at times, and if he made his own plate that maybe he could work harder on himself... "Like getting off the recliner and getting it himself"... lol... Now he has never ask me too, but it was what I trained myself to do for years, for I just thought that was how it was.(My Momma always did the same...) The thoughts of turning in to her scares me to death..lol.. I love her with all my heart, but she has been a Door Mat for about Anyone that needs one, and that is a trait I hope to work tords fixing in me as well.....
I love this program... I am Letting Go & Letting God, my husband, my son, and ME... All Fend for ourselves and have seperate responsibility's... Who knew it wasn't ALL for me to do... :)
Aloha Kathleen...We will never be perfect nothing ever is; we can only work the program one day at a time; it is all about progress, practice not perfection and you already have the "never be cured" thingy down. Kathleen is (((((human))))) and a (((((child of God))))) therefore practicing your amends making with your alcoholic and others means that you also get to practice them with yourself. Put the mallet away you don't get more wide awake by hitting yourself on the head with it.
Apologizing doesn't mean we're bad people. It means we make mistakes and do the wrong thing at times often for the wrong reasons and using the wrong tools.
"I apologize for _________" and now I move on. "Smile" right after and express gratitude again for your awakeness.
