The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well, it's me again. Same old story. You guys will get so tired of me.
I truly know what I should do about daughter. I know what I would be telling you guys if you were in my shoes, but here I am; with my head held down; tail between my legs(no that was my dog Bonnie Lou). Sorry, got to have a little humour.
Daughter moved into her apartment over week end(which I paid for the first month). She is on the third floor of this large complex. She had no help. She is just a tiny little thing. She told me she is down to 95 pounds. Something else for me to worry about.
We have an appointment to see an attorney on her behalf. She needs to have some legal advise; so far she has had none. The divorce will be final on the 16th of this month, so she better hurry. Anyway, at first she was not going to go, but then I told her that in 2 months, her soon to be ex would have a new little cutie living in the house she used to live in, loving her 3 beautiful dogs, which she had to leave behind and then this cutie would be sleeping in the same bed she shared with him. So, she said reluctantly, "Let's go". So, she has until tomorrow to change her mind.
I will pay for the consult visit and then I will beg, beg, beg, like I never have before to ask this attorney to take it as pro bono, or lead Jenn in the direction of an attorney who will. I know this is Jenn's problem, but she is just sitting there letting husband run the whole show. He showed how good his word was when he did not come up with the first month rent for her.
I am so truly exhausted from the worry about this. I am truly exhausted from crying over this. It is not my place to take care of this, but I feel if I don't, I will be having to come up with Jenn's expenses until she gets back on her feet. She is a teacher and it is a long time until school starts in September and I do not even know if she is actually looking for a teaching position. God please help her. God please help me to "let go, let God:"
Sorry for coming back with the same old problem. I realize there are people out there hurting far worse than I am. Thanks everyone for listening.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
We are here to support you. We want to listen your feelings, events, and goings on, no matter how predictable they are. But the fact that you know the answer says that you know the course of action and, for whatever reason, don't want to take it. I would recommend that be examined.
We are here to support you. We want to listen your feelings, events, and goings on, no matter how predictable they are. But the fact that you know the answer says that you know the course of action and, for whatever reason, don't want to take it. I would recommend that be examined.
Yea, Clara, the choice is yours....What are you doing for you??? What step are you working??? You know the answer, (agreeing with Tiger) and you KNOW what to do...When I am in that situation, I get into the steps 1,2,3 AND then 4 to see WHY I cannot let this GO and be loving and encouraging, but letting the other take care of their own stuff.....
I am not "tired" of you...I am here to support you and encourage you, and I , too am interested in your feelings, etc., however I am thinking when I "cannot let go", there is an issue with me I am acting out on...Do I feel guilty over something?? Misguided obligation to someone???? Do I need to control???? Is being powerless so bad, I cannot let go and let God who is much more captable run things????
Just some stuff that is coming into my head as I read your post.....HUGS, Rosie
We all have our own reasons for being here, mine was to understand and except in the beginning, and now it is more for serenity, and finding/learning about the reasons behind my choices. Sometimes I don't always like the answers to my finds, but that is just part of the recovery of it all...
I have also come here with the same problem many of times for we All Back slide from time to time, it is natural, but like above, I think you should look deeper into doing what you are doing, and WHO you are doing it for... And if it isn't Souly for YOU... I would reread my steps...Your doing great... Keep coming back it works if your work it...
Take what you like and leave the rest ... Love & Prayers Jozie
You are a mother and you worry about your daughter who is ill. You are normal!!!
She has no income at the moment, her husband has retained an attorney(she has none) the divorce will be final soon and it appears that your daughter has been unable to take constructive actions on her behalf. AlAnon suggests that we not do for someone what they can do for themselves.
I see that she has bee able to handle some difficult situations.
If you look back She did find assistance in living with a friend for a few weeks She did get into rehab She did watch your dogs for the weekend
She is functioning so please continue to pray for guidance and trust your inner voice.
Sometimes, we just need a little help. And when it comes to our kids...no matter if they have the disease of Aism or not, we have to help them. I don't know where I would be today if I didn't have people in my life that took over when I just couldn't do it for myself.
Detatchment is a good thing. Not enabling is a good thing. And there are times when both of those things may be NOT the best choice. Your daughter is sick and suffering. You are helping her. From what you have written, you are doing for her something she is (for whatever reason) NOT capable of doing for herself.
Be careful, protect yourself but love your daughter and do what you feel comfortable doing.
This program taught me that it is ok to love and help those I love when my motive is pure. Sounds like you are helping your daughter because you love her and want what's best for her and you see she is unable to protect herself. So you protect her. I didn't see where you were telling her that you will only help if she does AB and C or with the motive for her to stop drinking.
You're doing fine Clara. You are a mom first, BE her mom.
Once again, I knew the answer to my questions. I just needed to put them down and really study why I was so intent in doing this.
ADaughter called me this afternoon, while I was shopping. She decided not to go see the attorney. I have to abide by her wishes. After all, it is her divorce and her life.
And you guys were right; what was my real reason for doing this. Well, I really must admit it was because i did not want my son-in-law(soon to be ex son in law) to get away with this. His family always looked down on us because we did not have the money they have; the beautiful home, the fancy trips. Well, I now realize that I must let that go and it is not my problem if my daughter does not try to get what is legally hers.
My husband said that when she calls next month asking for rent money, that perhaps it is time for her to go to the Salvation Army or a shelter. After all, she does have a teaching degree. It is up to her to find a job and stay sober.
Thanks everyone for helping me through all of this. Your words and wisdom are greatly appreciated.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
In most/many states properties are split at 50%. Since she won't fight for herself, let's hope the judge sees she is being steamrolled. She could be getting alimony for a year and a settlement!!
Your daughter just isn't thinking of her future. I can't say I wouldn't be doing what you've done at this point. Yes, there are two sides to the story but that doesn't mean she should walk away with nothing.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
