The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hey everyone. I'm new here, and I first want to say how great I think it is to have a place like this on the internet to help people cope. I hope this message isn't too long and I hope someone will read it because I really just need to get this off of my chest and finally tell someone about the emotional pain I have gone through and I need to learn how to deal with it for the future. I'm only 17, but I feel like I have already been to hell and back. I've pretty much been counting down the days until I'm 18 since I was about 10 years old. However, I know that by no means do I have the worst life that could possibly be. My father was a heavy alcoholic but my mom left him when I was 4 years old. I haven't talked to him since. My mom and I moved in with my grandma, where my great uncle also lived. I knew my mom drank, but I guess I never realised the extent until I was about 6 years old. Same with my grandma. However, my uncle was the worst alcoholic in my entire family. He would be drunk non stop for months straight. I remember the cops coming to our house so many countless times because he would call them on himself. Not only was he an alcoholic but he is also a diagnoised schizophrenic too which only made when he was drunk worse. I had so many sleepless nights because of him. He couldn't walk, that we had to have neighbors, taxi drivers, whoever was around to actually get him in the house. Sometimes he wouldn't even make it to the house..he would just pass out in the yard. This went off and on for years and years, but when it happened, it was the most horrifying days of my life. He had a violent record, but he never got violent with anyone in the house, but that didn't mean it couldn't happen. I had so many sleepless nights because of it, knowing that he was capable of being violent. He finally moved out a couple years ago, which I thought would make my life go more smoothly. It did I guess..for awhile. But while all this was happening with my uncle, my mom and grandma would also be drunk at times. Not to the same point he was, but it never helped the situtation. Now that he moved out, I was expecting there to be a lot less drinking in the house since it was just me, my mom, and my grandma. But there's not.. they both get drunk. Not everyday, but a few times a week nonetheless. It also doesn't help that my mom has an alcoholic boyfriend. He doesn't live with us though but I see him enough. No alcoholic I have lived with/been around has ever been able to admit that they have a problem. I am SO sick and tired of finding empty beer cans hidden in drawers, under the sink, etc. because they think they're hiding it from me. They know I hate drinking, and anything to do with alcohol. I have fought with them countless times, cried to them countless times, and begged them countless times to stop. They believe there is no problem because when they're sober they do go to work, and they do get me things which they think that when they drink it'll be okay because they do do those things. They don't miss work or anything because of their drinking, so I guess you can say they're "functioning" alcoholics. I have become SO bitter towards anyone who drinks, even if it's just one or two, because what I have gone through. Most of the time I'm not allowed to go anywhere because my mom and grandma are extremely paranoid about my safety I guess. Any time when I know there is a situation which involves drinking, I want nothing more than to leave, and not be around it, but I can't even do that. I'm completely trapped. I would have liked to speak to a counselor or therapist about my problems just to be able to get it off my chest, but my mom doesn't allow me to get one because she thinks it's unnessecary and that I don't need one. I really have no friends because I never have the opportunity to go anywhere. I have one best friend who I wouldn't trade anything in the world for. I have a boyfriend too. My parents say I'm overreacting about they're drinking and that all I do is try to ruin everything for them. But I believe that no one but the people on here will ever truly understand what it's like living with an alcoholic. please, help x
Great you are here! Your story sounds very familar and I am certain many on here can relate to it.
You came to the right place and I hope you continue coming back. You will learn a ton of valuable information from listening to others share.
One thing we will not do it tell you what to do. We are here to share our experiences with you.
I remember when I was your age my mom would buy alcohol for me and my friends and what to sit and hang out with us. Some of my friends thought she was "cool" but I always hated it! She never really had friends of her own and still today doesn't. I have realized many A's in my life are only friends with other A's because others are not like them and don't sit and drink all the time.
I remember when I was younger she would have some friends over and they all drank and would be loud. I remember constantly telling them to be quiet I was tired and had to go to school the next morning. And they would just say oh just go to bed we are not being too loud.
You should read about ACOA which is Adult Children of Alcoholics. I learned a ton about myself and always thought I was just different, but many characteristics I have are because my parents were A's.
Many Alcoholics are in denial and don't want to admit or don't think they have a problem. This is very common. And some A's know they have a problem, but just can't seem to stop. They are powerless over alcohol.
My exboyfriend A is becoming very sick from all his drinking. I really think he needs to see a doctor, but he is too scared and refuses to do it. I can't make him do this so when and if he is ready then he will see a doctor on his own.
Many alcoholics do not miss work. My xbf rarely missed work but often drank before after and during work.
It can be extremely tough dealing with A's especially since you are a minor. Just take it ONE DAY AT A TIME and worry about YOU. Alanon is to help you change you (the only person you can change or fix) and to become happy and find serenity.
Learn about detachment! It takes time, but is one thing I found extremely important. Try to learn when it's the disease talking and when it's your loved ones talking and separate it and when they say something mean just say it's just their disease talking and let it go, forget about it, don't let it bother you. Often times from what I have learned in the morning when they sober up they don't even remember what they said to make you hurt, angry or frustrated.
Just keep coming back and things will be more clear and you will learn a ton of things to help YOU deal with your life and living around alcohlics.
-- Edited by Melissa21 on Friday 29th of May 2009 01:16:09 AM
__________________
"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
Believe it or not...you are not trapped!! You just found one door out and this door connects to many more. Many of the members here are members of the Al-Anon Family Groups and a part of that is Alateen for the teenaged relatives of alcoholics.
If you go to the white pages of your local telephone book and look for Al-Anon you may find the hotline number to the program in your area. Look for the times and places for the open meetings and go as fast as you can to sit with them. If you need a ride or some other support ask for it. You are not trapped and it will take your own willingness and courage to find the path out.
Don't wait and don't make excuses not to. Where you are and what you are going thru is real. Alcoholism to me is the most cunning, powerful and baffling disease in the world and besides heartache and insanity it can also lead to death.
You will find lots of support at our meetings including people to talk to and literature to read to bring you up to speed about how crazy your situation actually is.
I hope you take these suggestions and I am grateful you found your way here with your openess and willingness.
Look in the phone book or online in your city and state for "ala teen." It is what you need. Also Al Anon may be easier to find.
What Al anon teaches us is how to cope with the A's we love. We learn to work on us so we feel better.
My A is addict H is husband, my AH had a sister that was twelve when I met her. She went through what you are.
But sadly she dove right into drugs, after being as adament as you.
When a person has a lot of addicts in their family, chances are they have a real predispostion to be an addict also.
I am telling you this because with out advising, I invite you strongly never to try any kind of drug including alcohol.
Ok, do you have a plan for when you turn eighteen? What have you thought about as far as after you graduate? College?
Sometimes setting up goals helps us. Then we figure out how to attain them.
I know counselors at school are mainly for setting up schedules,but they may be able to direct you as far as al anon, and or other groups or counselors you can go to.
Is there a teacher or teachers assistant that you feel comfortable with? I was a tutor and always had kids coming to me with this kind of thing they needed to talk about.
This is a great place to get support. I hope you keep coming back and venting. That's why we are here.
It might help you to find books on addiction to educate yourself. Your school library probably has some geared to your age and hopefully will help you with what you are going through.
What may also help you is to get into your interests. What do you like to do? Lets say you love animals, work it out so you an volunteer at a shelter walking dogs. It feels good helping them.
My AH's dad was horrible. What he did was play guitar. It took his mind away.Would your mother object to your having a job?
Usually there is a career center in a high school, have you checked that out.
Anyway I am soooo glad you are here. It shows you are a very mature kiddo. You have made your very first and huge step to making your life better.
If you like you can always click on my name and send me a private message. I also have my private email address available.
Alanon and Alateen will be of great assist to you.
This may be the perfect time for you to begin planning for practicalities such as an apartment, a job, starting college or trade school, etc. 18 will be here before you know it. If possible, keeping the focus on YOU will also help.
You do not have to spend your life ducking alcoholics and their bad behavior. Please keep seeking help for yourself and allow yourself to grow a little every day. Coming to this website was your first big step. Good luck!!
Thank you all so much for replying. I would reply to each individual post but I don't have much time right now. With your caring words, I feel even a little better already. You guys are great! *hug* I'll definitely continue coming back here to find ways to help me deal with this now, while I have to.
