took most of the day but we're home from my 2 hr evaluation (in addition to the 12 hr DUI 1st offense school) - i did end up speaking to the counselor and telling her some of my past - left here this morn not sure what way i was going to go with it - end result was not what i was hoping for - mad at "the system" - honestly think they're out to get all they can from me monetarily and thats it -

been ordered to do an alcohol program - but because it was "ordered" not sure if im ready to listen, still want to fight the program

was told i'll be randomly pee checked once i get a counselor either by the counselor or my probation officer - guess im assigned a number and if it comes up that day im told to come in and do a pee test - however right now im thinking of a drink until im given a # - i know that wont help however - i do think because my judgement was impaired - (from drinking i switched seats) that i do need to stop drinking and know putting off stopping isnt helping at all

actually wanted to be ordered to go to AA but wasnt - feel disappointed in this - lost my license and dont want to ask for rides to anything not court ordered (except the gym!). however ive been wondering the past month if it might help me spiritually/ help me find a higher power (boyfriends a big time christian)

boyfriend knows i want my hardship license - been told since it was an out of state license that was surrendered i might never get a hadship license - been telling boyfriend i want the license to "get a life" - recent move to FL from ma - never given a chance to explore on my own - but mostly i want the license so i can get to aa without asking for unneeded rides

so theres my thoughts for today - just felt i needed to share - thanks