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Just for today, I feel honored to have such a wonderful life, and family...I just made it thru a pretty trying weekend, not that I didn't have a wonderful time, because I did. But I got to try out some of my Al-anon tools in full force and I have to say... It felt pretty dang good :)
Most of you have heard me speak of our camp by the river, well of course with this being one of the bigger weekends, we had famliy and friends from all walks of life that stopped in.. Some spent the night, others the day... Of course the most trying for me was Abrother, and Asister...
I own the camp, and have always invited family to spend time there... I love it and I want them to have that too for their kids, and grandkids, and neices and nephews... So my Asister has her own camper that she leaves there thru the summer, my abrother of course has nothing... I did not want to see him this weekend (selfish I know)..only because with all I had to deal with last week with deseased Afathers belongings, and I wanted to be happy, that it was over, and figured he would ruin that for me...
WELL... My Asister came and said he wanted to come down, which i politly said I didn't think I was ready, and I wasn't about to deal with him... She said she advised him to contact me BEFORE he show up...(Well... There is NO Phones, No Internet, NO Nothing in those parts<Which I LOVE>)
So Saturday, He just showed up... With of course his "NEW" Girlfriend, beer in hand, driving... No Licenses, not his car.. Never did ask if he could stay... He came over, gave me a hug.. told me he loved me and went back over to Asisters camper... For I think he could feel the tension in me... I went in my camper.. did some daily readers, and basically just prayed that no matter what... I hold my composher, I still enjoy myself and don't get wrapped in his crap... And that I did...
Thank goodness, Our Camp is 2-1/2 Acres Long... He was at one end me at the other, he popped a tent, stayed away from me, he floated, and drank, and drank some more, he only stayed the one night, and got up Sunday, "Beer In Hand", had breakfast with my Asister, and just dove head first in the beer cooler. I knew he had to be a work that Night, but that did not slow his drinking ANY... I stayed out of his way, didn't speak to him till he was leaving Sunday, he came back over to my camper, gave me a hug, told me he loved me, I hugged him, told him I loved him, and just said... All I ask is you becareful... And turned around and walked away from him...
I Did NOT make his business my business, it was nice to be able to enjoy myself without getting wrapped up in the anger, disappointment, sadness, hurt, and just heart felt PAIN.. That comes with him making the choices he does... I have realized that I love him more then he will ever understand, and That is OK... I have realized, that "MY" Thoughts on his life, are just that... MINE... He knows I love him, and he knows what he needs to do to make it right, but I know in my heart that will never happen till he finds recovery, and that AGAIN.. Is not my place to tell him what or how to do things... It wasn't easy, but al-anon has taught me ALOT about what I should and should not do when it comes to my responding First, and thinking Later...
So my progress is coming... But it is NOT Perfect :) But because of my choices, I got to enjoy the rest of my family, I got to enjoy my grandkids, and nephew, both my step sons, and their family's/girlfriends, all my puppies back together, (But one)...It was truly a blessing from God... Kayaking, rolling down the hill in tubes, Fishing, dirt bikes, 4 wheelers, Floating, boating, swimming, dancing around the deck, playing cards, and singing like we just didn't care...Just for today... I am still taking it, One Moment at A Time :) Thanks to al-anon, and my WONDERFUL MIP Family...I am slowly... Get'n were I need to be... I almost feel complete..or at least like I am closer to it...Don't know if I could have got here without all of you :)
Hope you all had a wonderful Memorial Day Weekend, and had as much peace, and serenity... Thanks for letting me share :) there will be more tomorrow I am sure, but I am whooped.. :) So thinking I see a Nap in my future... :)
"I Did NOT make his business my business, it was nice to be able to enjoy myself without getting wrapped up in the anger, disappointment, sadness, hurt,.."
It sounds like you chose to have a lovely weekend with your family, despite what anyone else was doing. It sounds so simple doesn't it? Well, I guess it IS simple, just not always easy. Good for you. Your camp sounds lovely - I'm a little bit envious!!! (okay, a LOT!) I have a nest of 4 baby robins in my backyard right now, that I've been enjoying watching grow up! I love being out in nature and enjoying the elements and all it has to offer as well!
I too try and enjoy the finer things in life, like Gods creatures, and the nature of the outdoors... It is what helps me remain with in reach of my Serenity... We have a Robins nest as well at our camp, they haven't hatched yet, and it is right on our deck, which did not make the robin all that happy about us being there, but I guess now, it is hers as well as ours :)
