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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Just for today~Very confused between a rock and a hard place.
Post Info TOPIC: Just for today~Very confused between a rock and a hard place.
shellyj123


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Just for today~Very confused between a rock and a hard place.
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I've decided that just for today I am not going to respond to EXABF's email.  I just have nothing left at this point and am not feeling really well right now.  I've read, posted, read and contacted my sponsor.  I am spent today.

I feel caught between a rock and a hard place........What I want was to have NC....the last email I sent him was to be that-the LAST email......stuff gone-the end!!!  Now if he doesn't get his stuff tomorrow, then what? 

I  have one of two options or so I feel.  #1-I email and say get it at this date and time, or it will be left outside of the fence and no longer my responsibility=I contact him YET again, 
 or #2-totally ignore it all and go NC and take a chance on him showing up when HE FEELS like it and HOPE that I am NOT there=NO CONTACT. 

The stuff is outside (grill and bike), no need for him to come in, he has no key anyway and the spare was removed from outside, but I DO like to spend my evening in the yard with my pups, and do not want to have to hide out in my own home, hoping I am not outside when he comes (I DO NOT want to see him).

I just feel soooo very stuck right now.  I'm not at a place emotionally where I feel comfortable talking to or emailing him, but on the same note I HATE that he feels that he can just tell me WHEN he'll be by....

Just for today I have to ask myself "How important is it?"  and is it worth all of this???
Just for today I am done........Just for today.

Thank you all for your support and kindness
shelly

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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!

Only God can turn a mess into a message.

Prayin' on it, Stayin' on it, I will survive it.

If nothing ever changes, nothing ever changes.
Jozie


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Shelly (((((HUGS)))))

You hang in there... The Battle is about Over... I am in agreement that the No Contact May Suit you best, only because... Let Go & Let God seems to have alot of Power, and why ruin everyday up till that point...He doesn't deserve that from you, for he has taken enough from you and your life... Go home and do what you normally do... If he shows up un announced, well he will then see that you are getting back to your life and he has No hold on you, from that day forward... YOUR DONE!... Lean his items on the fence, and if he gets them he does, if he don't then Goodwill will Take About Anything ... TRUST ME...:) Just gave them a truck load yesterday :) And they was happy to have it...

Hang in there Girl, and Quit giving him you Wind!!! He is not Worthy...

Love Ya
Jozie

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Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D
Priscilla83


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I agree with Jozie. Don't worry if he is going to pick up the stuff tomorrow until TOMORROW. And if he doesn't, then leave it. He probably just wants you to call him again and get your attention. If you ignore he'll probably show up sooner than later.

(((shelly)))

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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.

rosielightshines


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I would just  leave it alone...Physically AND in my head......He either gets his stuff or not.....who cares???  If you keep playing the "what if's" over and over, you are giving him your power...

Know what I did re: my bully boss???? EVERY time he popped in my head, I said loudly to myself  STOP!!! This is MY time off......I have SET my boundaries....I have TURNED it over.....and I keep yelling at my "commitee in my head"  to STOP.....STOP replaying the stuff....STOP with the "what if" stuff.....i disipline me to STOP thinking of anything but ME and MY needs and MY happiness and taking care of ME....

.I know it is hard, but WE make our choices to be anxious or at peace......I had to tell me several times today   "STOP.....you are OK....you are SAFE.....you CAN take care of you....you TURNED it over, so STOP"....I say that to me EACh time I "replay" something OUT of my hands, already over with, and don't need to keep torturing me with the replay....When its DONE , its DONE.....


I , when under "fire" Take extra care of me ....soak in a nice bath...play some good music....

I would .Let his stuff sit there and let it be HIS problem b/c it IS his problem.....As long as you keep a dialogue with him open, hes GOT you......cut him off???That means in my HEAD as well as dialogue..When I take care of me the negativity and toxins starve!!!! This program if you work the steps can really change us to think for US and take our power back.....

Just my take, please use what you can and leave the rest....

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Rosie in recovery one day at a time
serendipity


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No contact is always preferable when we are feeling vunerable.

In your last email to him, you told him again that you are having a hard time with all of this. That was an invitation for him to prolong the agony for you. He refuses to give up his "power" to control your emotions.

You have buttons and you keep showing him exactly where they are and then get really upset when he pushes them.

I only say these things because I have lived through it. I am on the other side of the pain you are in today. And No Contact is the only thing that worked for me. And it took me forever and a restraining order for it to begin to work. And I still have fresh scars. But I don't pick at them anymorewink.

I guess what I would do is send one more email, totally without any emotion. Just simply state "Your stuff is on the curb." That's it. No "I feel...." or "I can't believe..." or "I wish you would...." Just the facts ma'am.

It is a scarey thing to let go. Even when we KNOW how bad it is and how bad we feel, it is really scary. But you can do it. And yes, he may always hold a special place in your heart. Or you will finally see him for what he really is and have to grieve the fact that he never loved you the way you thought he did. Or once you let go, you will make room for Mr. Wonderful to step in and show you what a real relationship and real love looks like.

Let go and be happy.

That being said...I wasn't done until I was done. So, be extra gentle with yourself.



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debilyn


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I don't get it. Do you know where his parents are? A friend? Do you have someone to take his stuff to their house. Get it the heck out of there!

Wish I were there, I'd come over in my old dependable 78 chevy shortbed, toss in his stupid stuff and take it somewhere for you.

My AH did not come and get anything Shelly. I mean NOTHING. When he went to jail it was all in boxes.

He never asked for it, said he didn't want it. So I went thru it, kept the important stuff,and burned the rest.

I gave his cloths to whoever answered Craigslist stuff. I am talking his dads leather coat, nice levis, carharts, I had bought him such nice stuff.

OH well. turkey.

anyhoooooo dahling, I'm gonna wash that man right outa my hair....

know anyone with a pickup? hugs,debilyn old but unstopable!!

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Mariner


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(((((Shelly)))))

I dont believe he even wants or cares for his stuff, its just another way to rattle your cage. I hope he does come and collect his things then your one step closer to being shot of him. He has got you right where he wants you.

I have given all my energy to my ExA recently, believing I had some control in how the end of our relationship would be. Fact is I have no control, the end didnt go my way. I got no resolve or acknowledgement of my pain. I can keep on banging my head against this brick wall or I can stop. I think I'm nearly done. I have to be. He will contact me again not because he cares, but because he is an A and they need people like us around them. I have nothing left to give. I want my happiness and self respect back, I can see the end for me. No big scene, no fanfare just a quiet acceptance that I cannot control the ending.
 
Here is yesterday's reading from Melody Beattie's The Language of Letting Go.

God, help me fully embrace and finish my endings, so I may be ready for new beginings.

Shelly you will be ok. Take today back and make it your own.

Keep posting and keep coming back. Your are much loved.

Carol 


-- Edited by Mariner on Thursday 21st of May 2009 02:00:31 AM

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Just for today~Very confused between a rock and a hard place.