The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The more I try to work on staying in the present, the more I begin to value how my time IS spent in the present. When I read others post about 'Enjoying today' it triggered a reaction in me that wondered - "I can't enjoy today since my job is so incredibly unenjoyable."
So then I wonder - am I not changing myself enough? I have ALOT of "shoulds" that I inflict on myself. I never feel like I'm working hard enough. The truth is I'm NOT a workaholic - I am out the door at 5PM because I can't wait for the workday to be over with. Sometimes I have this acute anxiety while I am HERE that the day will never end - it's almost like a claustrophia but, in relation to time - if that makes ANY sense at all, which it may very well not.
But more to the point -- this whole idea of focusing on the PRESENT has caused me to re-evaluate my present job. In taking it, I agreed to stay at least a year in the position and I will stand by my commitments. Then I question whether or not I'm being a baby - am not stepping up to the plate, like an adult and just sucking it up day-to-day. Performing this job in general puts alot of stress on me to complete projects and the funny thing about it, is learning to ACCEPT and REACT to the uncontrollable - slip and falls, weather, tenant's not paying rent.
Alot of you advocated tackling my duties for that time period I am here and then leaving work and leaving it behind. I have been trying to do this but, the weeks and days stretch on and I feel myself becoming bitter.
The only one I can change is me. This I know. Yet, I constantly am present when that portion of my brain starts beating me up for the lack of work I do, or how I am (now on company time) posting on this board.
My sponsor forwarded me a copy of a daily reading she found that basically said - if you're not ready to make a change in your life - stop whining about it. I don't WANT to leave this position because I have committed to it for this year. In the meantime I must work towards an attitude change.
Thanks for letting me share and sorry to be completely redundant.
We all have moments that seem to be "the Worst day ever" and most jobs can definately make me feel the same way, I have found that on those days... I don't focus on the clock, but focus on my tasks ahead, What can I do today at work that will benifit, and get my mind out of my own everyday. If I have to tell myself, Ok... Today is Invoices, tomorrow is bills, and I set little "Goofy" goals each day, that keeps my focus on work and moving forward, but also shows me that YES... I am good at my job, and I know my job, and when I line it up, and I finish what I started, I too can do what I have to do.
You set a goal to give it a year, respect that, do what you have to, and dont focus in Not being a Workaholic, but being the best you can at That Moment... This too will Pass... With an Open Mine and a Will all your own...
Good Luck you to, Go Easy on Yourself, and if "One Day at a Time" Is to much... Slow it down to One Minute... And Let Go & Let God...
Take what you like and leave the rest... Friends in Recovery Love & Prayers Jozie
Well, I don't think it's completely redundant at all. I think it's working on Awareness, Acceptance, Action - you're getting some Awareness, and it's kinda uncomfortable, and you're pointing yourself towards Acceptance of where you are right now. Action comes after that. In the meantime, by sharing your new Awareness, you're practicing your program - - yup!
Maybe see if you can articulate the specific things you hate about the job - then just pick ONE and meditate on what you can do to improve how you feel about that one.
And I've been wanting to tell you for a while now - I just LOVE your avatar.
(((rc))) If you could see the sticky notes on my monitor right now, you'd see that I get in that overwhelmed "Why am I putting myself through this for these people?" place too - sometimes it helps me to break things down into little chunks so that I have something that I CAN focus on and control in order to feel like I accomplished something during my work day.
I also sometimes have to stop and think "hmm, well I DO get to work from home pretty much all the time and I really don't like to commute, so for today, the aggravation I'm feeling does not outweigh how much i like working from home". This to me is an example of replacing a resentment with gratitude.
Just my thoughts - take what you like and leave the rest!
I got this PT job (on Social security and this I need to suppliment it) anyway, there is 2 sons and their dad...The dad is a weird dude!!!
He comes up to me and askes me "so what are you going to do next???" (He cannot stand to see an employee idle for a moment...Not even when your eating)....
.I just look at him, with this gentle, but "like are you serious??" look and I say..."Well??? I guess I am going to work.....THEN, take my shake break which, by law , I am entitled to since I am here over 4 hours on my days and that means a 15 min break at some point during my day to replenish my body"....
One time, during my LEGAL 15 min. break, I am sipping my smoothie and my niece calls and tells me she is getting married...I am joyfulfor her....Itell her I only have 10 more min. but I am so pleased for her....The dad in the meantime is doing all these gyrations, huffing and puffing coz I am on my cell for about 5 min, WHILE eating.......I get off the phone, with time to spare and I look at him, and I say "Is there something I can find for you as you look kinda upset over something?????"....He says "NO" and goes back to his work...
I think he really does not want to "p*** me off" because he knows I am a hell of an accountant and its hard to find workers that you can TRUST as well and appreciate thier work....Also, by now, he knows I am not one to give crap too...I am very good at setting boundaries w/o taking his face away.....
He does not bother me...I don't LET him have the kind of power....As long as I know I am doing a great job, he can do what he wants to do....He is an idiot , at times, and then can turn around and be nice...Bipolar??? Who knows a-hole???? yea, i think so....
His sons are happy with me....They like me/ my work....I have done many huge and wonderful things for that place.....The boys know it and trust me...
Oh well...I work Tues and Fri and TODAY is mine!!! I am stayin in TODAY....Enjoying new new computer......
I don't like my job either, or the people I work for.
As I drive to work, I phone my sponsor. She asks to hear from me every day and this is usually the time I do it. Hearing her voice gives me strength. I let her know when I've arrived, we say goodbye and then I take a few moments in the parking lot to pray before I go in. I pray that I can do HP's will today and then give thanks that I have a job. In these troubled times, not everyone can say this. This attitude of gratitude has gone a long way for me. "Thank you God, that I GET to go to work today."
Still, there are "those days." I had one last week, I was feeling terribly resentful with my boss for "punishing me" with extra chores because I had refused to come in to help the day before, on my day off. I had all kinds of delicious thoughts about how I might leave this work back in her lap. But, honestly, I knew that I had the time to do it. The only way I could do it gladly, was to change my attitude. So, I decided I wasn't going to do the work for her. I have a BIGGER BOSS and I like him much better, so I did the work for my HP. This thought made a huge difference, I was "at ease" with completing all the work. And, I felt really good about myself as I drove home that night.
The opportunities to reach for HP seem to be endless for me. HP does for me, what I cannot do for myself. (((hugs)))
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 18th of May 2009 01:56:07 PM
-- Edited by glad lee on Monday 18th of May 2009 01:57:31 PM
__________________
The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
I am lucky in that I love my job, its more of a vocation to me, and I work really hard. Right now there is a manager who's ego is sort of taking the praise for alot of my work. I'm not in it for praise and reward but I am human and it does sort of get me that someone can just come along and take all the limelight. I've been trying to let it go as I believe that good karma comes from good actions, done for no personal gain.How could I forget, of course my actions are known by my HP. I've nothing to prove, my work is done in good faith, I can leave the ego stuff to others.
With Gratitude Carol
-- Edited by Mariner on Monday 18th of May 2009 02:15:51 PM
Glad Lee, I love the BIGGER BOSS idea ALOT!!!! I am going to borrow that one! Its terrific! There are some days my job is great, some days it sucks and some days I hate it. Some days its just so-so. Just like the rest of life- in so many cultures, people are not defined by what they do for a job. They are defined by their family affiliations, their clan, their spiritual "jobs" and their deeds in the larger community. I like to think about this, also. I volunteer one evening a week for a teen drop in center. This more accurately defines me. I try to get away from letting my money job define me. I can choose what actions/activities define me more or less. We all get to choose that. Hugs, J.
- yup!
