The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
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I haven't had a chance to be on the computer much in the last couple weeks. My husbands symptoms are progressively worse. On 5/5 he was admitted to a skilled nursing facility because of confusion and problems walking. Within 3 days he went from normal kidney function tests to hepatorenal syndrome. He is back in the hospital since last 5/10. He is in kidney, liver and pancreatic failure which they are trying to stabilize. IF he can make it, he has to wait 6 months from last drink (4/26/09) to be put on the transplant list. Doc said it is about 50/50 right now. He started dialysis yesterday and we will know more tomorrow how it is going.
This is so incredibly overwhelming, difficult, confusing, frustrating.... I can't even complete the list of emotions. One part of me just wants to go home and be with my children (2, 15, and 18) and yet I don't want to leave AH at the hospital - 1 because he is scared and wants someone with him all the time, and 2 because if something does happen, I want to spend as much time as I can. I catch myself getting frustrated with him when he is demanding water (which he is not supposed to have) or growling because his back is so sore from being in bed so much.
What an incredibly difficult situation. In Alanon they tell us to take care of ourselves. Who's helping you? Helping with the kids? Do you have time to ask your HP for help? Keep us posted.
My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time of extraordinary difficulty. I hope your husband receives the care he needs and can find some respite from his disease. You must be suffering terribly as well.
I have been in a similar situation and felt extreme exhaustion from trying to be all things for all people. I learned I couldn't keep it up and I was no good to anyone. Please take some time for you. Even if you take a few hours for a sleep in or to garden or something.
Please, also, don't give up hope. You may not feel it right now but your HP and AH's HP is right there with both of you.
Oh hon, been there. For me I wanted no regrets. Been there more than once.
It is very hard on you, it puts you into a state no one understands unless they have been thru it.
You must do the basics for YOU. Go to the cafeteria, eat well, drink well. NO time for j unk. Rest all you can. I slept in his room. No one questioned me. I stayed out of the way, and took care of my husband and my bil.
Be comfortable, bring a pillow if you need it. Decorate his room if you want to to make it homey. Bring pictures and silk flowers in. I put heart lights behind my bils bed. He did not know they were there.
He told me they would make him crazy so i put them back there. People would come in and say I like your lights! lol He never got it.
If you can arrange for others to sit with him so you can get away. My bil was two hours or so away. But I made sure there was someone there all the time. His A family was worthless. rrrrrr
Of course you want to be with him! My AH was 26 years old. I had NO idea what was going on, or what to do. I never regretted being there until he died.
I dont know but here is what I see: an adult over here in a hospital loaded with trained medical professionals 24/7 to take care of his every need and then over on the other side I see 3 kids, children with no adult around...I guess I imagine that those kids are pretty freaked out by what is going on, too? Are they alone? Is the 18 year old expected to be taking care of the 2 year old?! Don't they need a parent around perhaps? In my book, children come first because they are children and need the care of an adult.
My mom is an A and she was recently in the hospital. My sister and I left her there with the most wonderful nurses and doctors and she got the greatest care in the world. That is what hospitals are for? I sent flowers, called on the phone often, checked in with the nurses station, etc.
Sorry, maybe I am not getting it. Take what you would like and leave the rest. hugs, J.
I know exactly where you are, I myself went thru this exact same situation 2 years ago this month. You will never be able to be there enough, in your mind that is. You have to try and remember things are out of your control and in Gods hands.
My husband laid on a resporater for 6 weeks, and honestly I am praying that neither you or your husband have to go thru this hell.
Try and keep in mind that your children need you as well. They are going to be confused right now. The teenagers are going to have a very difficult time, for awhile they will probably blame him but this will pass. They wil probably be very angry, and frightened.
I know you want to be with him every waking moment however, remember your children need you.
Take care of you, you must be the strong one right now....have faith that God is beside you holding your hand. I know he carried me thru.
I will not lie to you your journey is not going to be easy and at times it will be hellish.
I am sending you my prayers that God does not give you more than you can handle. Where there is life there is hope so try and hold on to this fact.
My husband did not make it thru, I pray yours does. The best thing I can offer you is, pray and try to accept whatever road is more compasionate. no matter how hard this will be.
Hold on to your children dear friend, they will be your rock. I am sure the demanding part of your husband is fear, so try and be patient with him. Honey, he is afraid as well.
If you need to talk I am here. I have walked in your shoes. It is an ugly walk remember above all when it gets to hard and you feel you can not take one more step God will carry you thru.
I am going to send you my phone number thru private messaging, please feel free to call anytime you need to talk.....as I said, I have been right where you are.
I am so sorry you are going through this. However, you need to take care of yourself too. If your health does down hill, who will take care of the children. I think we put ourselves on a guilt trip when situations like yours come up.
I will keep you in my prayers.
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Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
I know how hard this can be on you. When hubby was in ICU I didn't want to leave him either. A friend gently reminded me that I will do him no good if I don't take some time to take care of myself. It was true. Do that for yourself. You will be better able to handle it. Try gently rubbing his back. Ask the nurse if you can have a friend or relative sit with him while you take some time for yourself. They are usually pretty good about that. We will say extra prayers for you and hubby. Much love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
