Everythign I am about to tell you I am ok with. I have made peace with, and the program delivered me through it yesterday. I have no other explanation how I could have survived it.

   I get a call yesterday from the boss in Topeka, KS. They recinded the job. Apparently, there was a cosmic screw up on their end, and, like all good screw ups, they tried to pin it on me.

  Apparently, there was a mistaken belief that I was going to go quietly into that good night. Looking back, it was probably the balliset, over the top, move I've ever made, but I'm proud of myself and have no regrets. I probably should, but that's ok.
  
  I told the boss that it was not my fault that she, and the state office in Topeka, screwed up. Further, pinning their screw up on me was beyond unfair, it was plain wrong. That it was a matter of paper work was a non issue; the fact was that the proper people on my end weren't even in the state of KY, so they would just have to wait if they wanted the paper work at all, which I didn't have at my disposal, nor did I know who did, and if she wanted me in that position, she was gonna help me with this process. Moreover, I had started the process of moving--selling my stuff, closing my food stamps account, givng my land lord 30 days notice, and my family notice I was coming, that they were expecting me. So, this is what I wanted: given that the job at this position was closed, I wanted her to find me a new job within the system--she got me into this mess, get me out. (At this point, she suggested a civilian job, to which I said, no no no--I'm working where I am; I'm a VISTA. You find me a VISTA job). Lastly, I said, I want to talk to the site supervisor. That you're telling me this very important piece of information--why did SHE give me the news?  (Later I did apologize to this woman; do apologies you say and don't mean count? )
  Then, the site supervisor called. Who, again, made the mistake of trying to pin this on me, to which I said that, had you all done your work, there wouldn't be an issue. "you sound like such a difficult person, I don't know if I could deal with you," she said to which I said "You know what, I'm getting the impression that I'm not wanted there, and if I'm not wanted there, I don't want to be there," She begs me not to think like that, and we agree that if anyone screwed up, it was the state, and her non profit got caught in the cross fire, which I was sad about.
   So, I tell my corporate boss, who is just blown away by all of this. And he makes phone calls on my behalf. And, it comes out like I suspected, but it gets better: no one read my resumee, my letters of recommendation, or even called my references. So, no one knew me from Adam. And to cover up their complete lack of work, they blamed me.
   This is where the program comes in. All I could think to do after this was go to my sponsor. And, for most of the after noon, she let me lick my wounds. Then, after whining for...4 or so hrs, she "persuaded" me to get over it.  In the words of a friend, It's good to have a sponsor.
  Friends called all after noon. My mom and dad were sober when they got the news. Family was universally supportive, and sad for me. I journaled for a full hour.
  I bought myself a candle I had been debating on for like a year. And I prayed
  I'm emailing the proper people today.
  And, I'm telling you, I have no idea why I'm at peace, except the program is in control and I'm not. I promise.

   There's a  saying that this program will work no matter who loves you, leaves you, dies, or drinks. I think this is proof. Thank you so much. For everything.