The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my last post, where EXABF sent me the Mom's day card.
I realize that I do not need to know WHY he did it, nor his motivation-as I doubt even he does. However he does know me well enough to know that I am ALL about manners, always have been, so I will reply with a short "Thank You" and get into nothing more. I wish I could not but it is me and who I am, and I am not going to give up the good parts of me for this or any man.
I feel for him. He must struggle so, but I am growing happier and healthier everyday. And with every passing day his ability to pull me back in is replaced by compassion for the man I thought he was, and pity for the man he turned out to be.
Today I choose to live in this moment, and this day and trust that my HP has me right where I need to be, doing exactly what I need to be doing for the time being, even if I am not alway comfortable being here. I know better than to not trust HP's will for me-but sometimes I forget:)
Keeping it simple, keeping it in the now...... Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I'm not sure that I agree that you owe him a "thank you," but it is your decision to make. If you feel you must respond, and you are being honest with yourself about your motivation in doing so, then it is up to you.
In my experience, however, the A will take that as a sign that he can still get to you, that he is still important to you, that he can still get a reaction from you. So, do not be surprised if your response opens the door to further contact from him. Could that be part of the reason that you feel compelled to respond to someone who continues to cause you heartache?
Just my thoughts based on my experience with the A and, as always, I may be wrong so please, take what you like and leave the rest.
Yours in recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
You are sounding very centered and determined to stay in the now. AlAnon did enable me to examine my standard "Rules" for behavior and determine if they were valid in all cases.
You are right No One should take away your positive principles that identify who you are. After searching your established principles of courtesy and honesty and you feel that "Thanking Him" for a card that upset you is the right thing for you do then do so. If not then you can always respond in a new manner. We have choices and can always change our minds.
SHELLY___so I will reply with a short "Thank You" and get into nothing more. I wish I could not but it is me and who I am, and I am not going to give up the good parts of me for this or any man. I feel for him. He must struggle so, but I am growing happier and healthier everyday. And with every passing day his ability to pull me back in is replaced by compassion for the man I thought he was, and pity for the man he turned out to be. Today I choose to live in this moment, and this day and trust that my HP has me right where I need to be,
######### yep, WHY give up my good points for a toxin???? Had a bad sponsor a while back...She had this habit of dumping us sponsees RIGHT WHEN WE NEEDED her the most.........I , when I decided to quit working with her, told her I would remember/honour the good we shared...Leave the rest......I was not going to be acid or nasty to a woman whom I feel sorry for....THREE of us she dumped in like 2 months time...And it was not a "nice/ humane" kind of dump...1st she worked all of our inventory (she did not know that I was friends with the other two) anway, she worked our inventory in a nasty way and then "poof" she was gone from our lives....I sent her an email, because I have manners and thanked her for the good and said I would lift her to God and DETACH.....I, too, feel sorry for this person...She will end up alone and when SHE was in need, which I saw on her post on this other board we all belong too...NONE of us "dumpees" answered her...We just passed it by.....and the one of us who would call her all the time told me she said a prayer for her and NO PHONE call.....
I guess we reap what we sow eventually....I will not raise my hand against one who does me wrong (unless , of course, I am entitled to damages and then its BUSINESS not revenge) but I will not interfer and help them either....I just walk away and let go......
Just my esh for today...Please use what you can and dump the rest
