The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today I am angry. I can't say that there's any change, but then again maybe that's it. Same old story. Same routine, silently drink away the night. No problems, no swearing, no fighting, no family activity, no us, no anything. There are times I want to run & snitch to his family, to the world, what he does, constant daily numbing drinking. Although, I know it would do no good. So instead of starting an arguement, or of being silently angry, I choose to come here, to vent, to try to let it go. For the moment I despise him, but only because I love him so.
__________________
Come back when you need us, come back, we need you.
Your friend, ~De Anna~ 8-D
Hey DeAnna, I know exactly how you feel. He's upstairs with a beer in hand (his umpteenth for the day), which we can't afford to buy, watching a stupid movie that he rented. From seeing other's posts, I sometimes feel I should be glad there isn't all the shouting, yelling, and abuse,etc, but it still hurts nonetheless to know that his craving for alcohol supercedes all else..including his family.
Vent away, that's what this site is all about..healing.
Hi Deanna, I feel for you. i am glad at least you can say the hate is because of how much you love him. I have truely grown to hate mine... he pushed and pushed and pushed... kept telling me I didn't love him... well he wins. i've hated him passionatly for 2 days now, hope he's satisfied... Sorry 'bout the bitterness, how selfish eh? taking over your vent.... Wanda
I have been told that our Higher Power is crazy about us , and wants us to be happy joyous and free
I have chosen to believe that , which is why i come to alanon
I would have killed myself without it
maybe the literature will also help ? I find reading from One day at a time and the courage to change invaluabel
I look in the index and read about what is bugging me
i have an awesome sponsor and i keep trying to trust in my HP and turn it all over to Him
* shrugs* it seems to work ....
in my case , i had to leave mine after 17 yrs of this sort of thing , i simply couldnt take it any more he was gonna kill me
he was gonna kill me thru driving me to it , i had so much despair
now that he has been gone for 4 yrs and i am back in alanon for 2 yrs...life is not like that
there is no one who traets me so badly and i have energy and space in my head for some pleasures in life
i am NOT suggesting you leave ... that is not my place ... I am only sayiong that i am on the other side of the bridge now ( dovorced and away from all active As ) and there is peace and serenity ... and a new life
i still miss my ex , and the good parts of our life i miss the dreams
but i do NOT misss one BIT of the garbage i had to put up with
I wish you peace and love in your lives
hope you keep coming back ...maybe the answers for you are in alanon
I know how you could be feeling!! it isn't easy to be a bystander, and to witness his drinking. It is a good thing that you are able to vent your feelings. During those times, it is helpful if you can keep the focus on yourself. If it is possible remove yourself physically, and go to a friends house and have a coffee. If you have a sponsor, I find it is helpful to call, and be reminded to keep the focus on yourself. As we are always told by older members, to keep the focus on ourself. The only person that we can change is ourself. I find that since I go to meetings, and express my anger, hurt or whatever emotions I could be feeling, I feel better. My attitude with my husband, or my sons sets the pace. In time, we learn to detach ourselves with love. Be kind with yourself, and focus on your own needs. Take care of yourself, and try to attend meetings if possible.
Thankyou all for your replies. Today I feel better.
I keep hearing the bumps & thumps when he drinks, I thought it was me being sensitive at first. It's nice to know I'm not hearing things. You hit it on the head with the lack of companionship! I do keep myself busy. Got a hair cut, color, did my nails, biked, rollerbladed, walked, got online, & even read my lit. I vent to appropriate people, go to face to face meetings also.
I've been in the program 2 months. I feel much better, much progress, & thankful. I used to live today with yesterdays fears becoming tomorrow fears. I've improved much. Yesterday means nothing to me anymore. I won't let yesterday determine what today will be. Tomorrow isn't here. Plus I feel each new morning is a chance to start over, do it differently, do it right, or do it better. It's the today part, or should I say it's the tonight part that gets to me. My hardest time is the evening between 6-11 pm. That's when I feel lonely (he's the quiet drinker, doesn't particpate in much of anything) I really can't leave, or really don't want to go out at night. I'm more of a daytime person. At night I find it hard to focus on myself enough so that his drinking doesn't bother me, so that I don't feel so lonely. Any suggestions for the nighttime?
I haven't gotten a sponser in person yet. I'm looking but not in a hurry. I want the right person & I don't know enough about the people yet.
__________________
Come back when you need us, come back, we need you.
Your friend, ~De Anna~ 8-D
At night I learned to always stay busy. I cleaned up from dinner, got things ready for the kids to go to school the next day, did homework, walked the dogs and when I could read a good book or took a bath.
He wanted to be solitary, so I found things that I could do here by myself. Basically, I ignored him.
The answers we need come to us through the HP's guidance. Over the years, I have had a difficult time to focus on myself. I was not comfortable doing anything on my own, especially in the evening. Very often, come evening I felt exhausted, and I did not have the strength to go out. When I started going to my meetings ,which were in the evening, it helped me to go out of my comfort zone. As of lately....if he does not want to go somewhere, I can go alone. The more I take care of myself, and my needs, the less resentful I become. When we hear.....at meetings, IT BEGINS BY ME...it really means, learning to take care of us.
Our HP will do what we can not do, the rest is up to us.....Remember the comfort zone....I have learned that I need to remember this one often, because it helps me to advance, and learn to put the focus on myself first. You will see....in time, if you apply this in your life, just maybe....your partner will see you happy, and he may also change his attitude. What have we got to loose, by trying something different. Keep the focus on you, and find your own serenity first. idea:
