The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not dated or even talked to any man since my AH. I have been alone for years now. So I go on this JW match site. sigh. NOT me to do this as you guys well know. I am in no way knowledgeable how to do this. I have always been persude. Did I spell that right? OK Chased.
Being on my mountain the chances of meeting anyone... well zero except for the guys who fixed my septic tank...
Anyway so I see this one guy who I find interesting. His bio intrigued me and he is, in my mind VERY handsome. But it was his bio that was neat. ANYONE can be attractive if they have this certain "thing" that attracts another.
Anyway I paid a one month subscription.And I am also sure you guys know it was a MAJOR Splurge for me. I send him a post. He answered back. I sent another one, he sends back a one liner saying he has not joined yet. So he can only send these one liners..I figured it out he must only have so many to choose from? ?
So I go ahead and write a couple more. OK I feel I have made myself look so stupid. Here I am writing to someone who "cannot" respond. Does this sound familiar????sigh
Last night I decided I am not going to write anymore if he does not subscribe or figure it out how to find me.
With out meaning to I said my place was Potter's Eden and it tells in my bio I am in Oregon. All ya have to do is put that in a search engine and find me.
I know I put it in HP's hands from the beginning. Still is. I am human, I feel sorta sad for being such a dipstick. One of those I shoulda....now I wish I would have had the brains to say,"oh ok well I am interested to, so when you subscribe please respond to me." Leave it at that. OH NOOOO I just write like I do....
dumby. You guys know I don't have conversations much with anyone,most my family is dead, friends too. I talk some to my brother/friend. But he can get well uno the inuendo stuff I HATE. He is not really my brother but I have called him that since we were 17!! And I FEEL that way. So the flirting icky thing makes me gag.
My son and I talk. BUT the point is, talking to single men,writing to single men, nada.
I am venting. I sent him one more note saying I felt stupid and would love to hear from him when he subscribes and let him know he could find me by my bio.
What is my concern? hmmm first time i reach out and I look like I am crazy.
As you guys know, my life is unique. This morn I put my very old pot bellied pig out. Oscar. He is about 20. I think hmmm I gotta let him back in. OK where is he? I could not see him anywhere. I call and call, no way he can get out of the back yard I have fenced in.
I go in and see if I already let him in,nope he is not in his blankies in my big bedroom closet. Back out,fed the other two,Lingling and Boo. I think I hear uh uh. But think it is Lingling. Gads then see this fence I have in front of the deck sorta mushed out.
The deck is a foot off the ground so I have a little fence around it to keep the dogs and chickens back there. I look under in the muddy muck and there is my poor old wobbley Oscar. dang, now what? I shake a sack of food and he gets close. But in no way will come out as it is too small a space. He had been pushed or fallen off the deck and got stuck inbetween the fence and the deck so sorta wrestled around ending up UNDER there.
omg. sooo I go back in and get tuna fish, they LOVE anything that smells like that. HE gets close I grab his leg and his tusk and pull, he is screaming, it is muddy, I am tugging and NOT going to let go, asking HP to please help us!
While we are struggling, I have cats around me in the way as they can smell the tuna, Lingling can smell it too and is doing his best to crawl UNDER the deck to get it. I am trying to push him with my sholder and he is mad and nipping at me.sigh
Finally he pops out of it like a cork in a bottle. Acts like nothing happened and eats his tuna fish. I am covered in YUCKY mud, tired as heck.
Well at least this time I was getting someone from out under there I had some pants on. Last time I only had my nightgown on and had to crawl under to get a chicken out of a dogs mouth.
I had tenants in there, it was 7am or so. The gal heard the racket. I had to tell her I was under her deck...and would she please be so kind not to let anyone come out as, when I back out my butt would be in a full moon...
geez
Anyway am I crazy?
thanks for reading if you got this far. Is there any wonder what makes it hard to believe any man would love me??? haha love,debilyn and Oscar who are showered and all tucked in and warm again.
You are a doll, loved the post, and just so you will know I closed my eyes while you were backing out from under the deck. I did not see a thing, I promise. LOL
Being with your pigs, chickens, and dogs, ain't all bad. Sometimes "US" men will just add problems to the peaceful life I know you are living. I would venture a guess there are many members of this board that are jealous of what you have. I'm one of them.
HUGS, RLC
P.S. If the guy does not answer back, he is the one who is missing out, not you. Besides, you always have the "Septic Man" to fall back on.
-- Edited by RLC on Thursday 7th of May 2009 05:54:46 PM
awwwww Debilyn, i do NOT think you are stupid to have done what you did...
i know what it is like to think that HP has noone for me, but ya know??? the more i work on me and my relationship with HP, yea, i "hang with my friends" and yea, it would be *nice* to have a mate, but its OK if it is not in my plan anymore.....I don't have to have a guy to feel whole anymore.....yea, i would like a nice bit of romance, hand holding, dancing, hugs, but i am not gonna die if it does not happen
i guess i had such sucky partners, i just don't want to bother anymore unless HP dumps him in my lap, LOL....
take it easy on you....its a natural thing for us women to want to "pair up".....HUGS, Rosie
You made me laugh so hard...lol... I was visualizing the hole thing... You are a Hoot :)
What a wonderful share :), and I am sorry but ...You are Far from Crazy... You are doing what you have to do.. And Yes, I am one that also envy your life style in the wilderness... I would love wrestling "Little" pigs,lol, enjoying my critters of all kinds...My husband and I often dream of such a place, if it happens it will be that much more fun, if it don't I will still dream of the day :)
Thanks for Sharing your fun story, I'm sure it wasn't as fun at that moment, but it is great that you carry such a since of Self, and humor ;) Good for you!
Aloha Deb...I'm still awestruck by that post!! Gad you actually have time for some thing else much less another animal....man I mean. Well sometimes men can be like having an animal around...It could happen. Like RLC I tried not to look while you were backing out from under the steps and couldn't imagine anything being out of place or abnormal in your picture. LOL Pigs on tuna? I'm always getting more proof that I haven't heard or seen it all for that matter. Was there ever a sitcom that could mirror your life? Green Acres solo perhaps?
I don't think you looked like you are crazy. You made an overture, that's all. Now it's up to him to respond, or not. Normal human stuff (no wonder it seems crazy, lol).
When you meet the right guy, if that's what HP has in mind, he will be first both charmed and astonished, then admiring, and then very, very proud of your resourcefulness, your dedication, and your love for your animals.
Saw an article this morning about these tiny wild pigs in the grasslands in India - they're endangered, so they raised some in captivity, then prepared them for & released them in a national park, and it sounds like they're doing well. Thought of you when I saw it.
I'm reminded of.... shoot, can't remember the author's name.... she wrote "If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?????" One story in it talks about a woman who was a teacher. She decided she was too busy during the school year to mess around finding the right guy, so she decided instead to dedicate her summers to it. She interviewed - yes, interviewed - something like 45 or 75 or 105 men, and married the next one, and was very happy.
If this is what you want - by all means, go for it.
And thanks for the story. I never knew pigs liked tuna fish.....
Keep positive about the guy thing. Everyone loves something different and there's one out there for you. I found a great one - did the online dating thing and it didn't really work out but I always used the free service and never met anyone who actually wanted to meet. It's a good ego boost I guess until something real comes along. The way I met my guy... get out with girlfriends doing something you love to do (in my case karaoke) and you'll meet someone else who loves to do the same. Instantly you have something in common :D That'll be my method from now on. Talk to everyone and anyone and get out and do what I love to do. The piggies are not going to help you find a guy lol. Well maybe a vet? haha
I think many people who are single for a long period of time - male or female - find other things that take up a lot of time, and fulfill in various ways the role of a partner. For many people it is animals. Pets are needy but unconditionally loving. They are very dependent on their humans, they don't talk back. The kind of trouble they get into is innocent compared to what an active alcoholic can stir up. I understand the need to find that unconditional love, and the need to take care of another being. Even though I'm male, and I don't really have a mothering instinct, I do have a nurturing instinct I think.
I had cats around most of my life from about age 9, until after my divorce. Was never a dog person. Cats are affectionate but independent. They were a good fit for me. It wasn't until I became single again in my mid-30s that I decided I wanted more freedom to travel, stay out late, not have my house stink etc... so when my stepson moved out with the last cat, I stayed petless. I ended up finding many other activities which came and went over the years.
So I'm telling all of this because... as a fully adapted single person, I didn't appear needy. I didn't appeal to the nurturing side of many women that I dated. I also had, and still have, no intention of giving up these activities just because I am in a relationship. This all makes it much clearer to me why I stayed single for so long. It was a choice for perhaps the last 5 years, but before that, it was simply a side-effect of the effort I was making on myself. I had to rebuild myself as a single person. That was a lot of work and a lot of pain. And I will not toss it all away for the sake of a relationship. When my current relationship got off the ground 2+ years ago, it was with that clear understanding. Of course there are compromises. I have placed another person into a position of extreme importance in my life! But not to the exclusion of all else. Oh yeah, she has 2 dogs who have moved in with us. Have I become a dog person? Nope. But I've learned I can live with 'em under the same roof.
But I do think that the things we do as single people to be active, and contented in our own skins can be off-putting to some conventional relationship-seekers. One woman I knew complained that her boyfriend didn't get along with her dog. Upon further inquiry, I discovered that when in the presence of the dawg, the dawg got ALL of her attention and affection. All of it. I laughed out loud at that one... of course the guy doesn't get along with the dog, he's playing second banana and being completely ignored!
The same is true of my outside interests... I want to pursue them with passion as I always have. Fortunately my SO is willing to share in most of these interests, but I know from experience that is subject to waning over time. Even if she no longer accompanies me on every quest, I still need to make quality time for her. I guess that will play out however it does.
Define "crazy" LOL!
