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Ok, Bare with me here... HP always seems to come around when I am not looking... Yesterday, I was having an Off day if you read my post you will see that I was struggling with ALOT of past memories in my life, and just "Some" of the many hurdless in my mind that I have tried to come to terms with and find the me I want to be not the Me that I was then..
Most days I get up and read my daily's... I have (4)...lol.. Need the help. Well yesterday I did my volunteering at the school so I had limited time in the morning, and only got to two of them... So today when I got up I figured I would catch up on what I didn't get to yesterday... And how Ironic that one thing i needed was right there all along..Thanks HP... Too bad I forgot to read my Courage for Change April 29th :) SO I am going to share it with all of you so that it will sink in to my mind...lol... and hopefully help one or two of you get thru your past as well...
I grew up with guilt and blame, amidst harsh cridicism & constant fear. Even now, after years of Al-Anon recovery, when past mistakes come to mind I tend to react with Guilt, exaggerating the significance of my errors and thinking very badly of myself.
In Al-anon I'm Learning to see myself more realistically. Sure, I have wrestled with alcoholisme and taken a fall or two. I've made plenty of mistakes that had nothing to do with alcoholism. But I'm NOT Evil. It's time I stop treating Myself as if I were.
There was a time when the only power I felt I had was the power to mess things up. Today, because I am leaning to believe in myself & my ability to make a positive contribution to my own life, I am free to look at my mistakes without blowing them out of proportion. I can learn to STOP repeating those errors, and I can make amends for the harm I have done.
Today's Reminder: I WILL NOT CHAIN MYSELF TO THE PAST WITH SELF-DEFEATING GUILT, OR BY INFLATING THE IMPORTANCE OF MY ERRORS. INSTEAD I WANT TO FACE MY PAST AND HEAL OLD WOUNDS SO THAT I MAY MOVE FORWARD INTO A RICHER, FULLER, AND MORE JOYOUS LIFE TODAY.
QUOTE: You DON'T have to suffer continual chaos in order to Grow" John C. Lilly
Now see if I would have stayed on my recovery, and read all my readings I SO NEED I would have seen that one and maybe not had my melt down. However I have noticed that when I Stick too it, and Keep at it, I do see the struggles I have over come, I do apprieceate that the things of my past that have given me the strength to BE who I AM, but like it says above.. I Can NOT CHAIN MYSELF TO THE PAST WITH SELF-DEFEATING GUILT.. So for now, I just have to "Easy Does it" and accept, that things weren't always rosie... Never rosie... In my past, and I am going to do something for myself and get back into journaling...I had another ACOA say that help him with his recovery, and for me that is just what I needed *A PUSH*... I have always enjoyed Writting and Journaling, but since my Afather past in Nov. 08 I quit for I felt that I had nothing to write about anymore, nothing I did could bring me joy since I lost him... Or so my mind thought, So I am going to see how it goes... See what I can make of this and see if I can gather my "Self Worth" and bring it up a knotch..
I just want to thank ALL of you that took the time to respond & read my post.. I am slowly seeing what in the program works for me and what does not, and I know that i am the one that has to do the work to get the responses that are going to put me on the path to recovery, so I am going to get started and get it rolling, rolling forward not back... Just me and my HP... :)
Thank you all for listening ...Sorry so long... All Input is welcome... :)
I learned that one of the check points of recovery is humor. When I am laughing I am not hurting, sad and crying. I'd rather laugh and I always like surprises from my Higher Power...always. That is one of the ways that my HP shows that it is real and still with me...inside.
"it is okay to look at your past, just don't stare..."
Tom
AMEN to this...my sponsor told me this too.....i put a timer when i am *looking* at my past.....then its time to STOP.....get into the now........right on , Tom
