"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

Gods_DancingGirl · Newbie

Im not sure about posting here

cdb · ~*Service Worker*~

Debbie,

I am so sorry you felt bashed before. ((((((((supportive hugs))))))) It is hard for people to know exactly what situation a person is in with posts. Please do try again to vent or reach out. You may make a note at the end that you only want positive feedback or maybe none at all. In alanon they say to Take What You Want and Leave The Rest. I do that. I remember what I want to and forget what doesn't apply to me or maybe even hurts me. This site is very safe. When I haven't felt safe I post about it. This is one of the safest sites I have been to. I will be up for about another 1/2 hour and will check back. So, if you want to reply and add more about yor situation, I will reply in a supportive non-judgmental way :) :) cdb

De Anna · Veteran Member

Hi Debbie

I agree with what cdb stated. Just letting you know I'm here too.

karenk · Member

Hi, Debbie

It took courage to tell how you felt. I am proud of you. It is hard to tell your feelings to people you really don't know. I have read a lot of the postings here and am very impressed with the sharing, caring and compassion I have seen on this site. I hope you stay and share more. Take care.

Karenk

sooner · Veteran Member

Hi Gods DancingGirl!

Thankyou so much for sharing! Please keep talking. I want to hear what you have to say.

Sooner

Anew123 · Member

Dear Debbie, Thank you for posting again in here. Your feelings are important. Sometimes we do not get the responses we expect. I am glad you returned to express your experience and feelings from the responses to your prior post.

I love the little book called "Courage to Change". In it on April 5, page 96, The Reminder for the day says: "I will allow myself the dignity to discover exactly how I feel about the changes that are happening today, and I will share those feelings with an Al-Anon friend. "Al-Anon gave me the awareness that what I felt did matter..... In All Our Affairs".

You are loved. Your HP loves you and I do too.

Your friend, Anew123

debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

OH Debbie I am so sorry something happened that made ya feel that way here! Believer
me that is not the norm.

Please tell us more of what you are going thru.

We have many here who have parents who are A. For me it is my husband. I have been comeing
here for five years now. I have never felt bashed, probably becuz I am so scarey
lol.

Mainly I am glad you are back becuz you are taking care of you. That is the first sign of
working toward health. I am sad your father is A. It is hard for him to have this
horrible disease. Believe me, no one would choose it.

Serenity is possible as we learn to see this as a disease and focus on us and the A as a person
My A has done horrible things, but I know he is very very sick.

Anyway glad you were brave and came back. love,debilyn

Jeannie · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Debbie

Welcome! I am sorry your first experience here was not a good one. If you keep coming back I am sure you will find the people here kind and caring.

None of us are perfect and maybe on any given day our writing does not come across as supportive, but I am sure it is meant that way.

We have all been where you are. We all have suffered because of having an alcoholic in our lives. Here you can begin to feel good about you, and the life you live.

I'm glad you are giving us a second chance, trust takes time to develope.

Love Jeannie

megan · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi Debbie

and a very warm welcome.

I am sorry if your reception here at first did not go well.

Please give us another try.

i try to remember that we are all in various stages of recovery ourselves.....

Welcome

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Well Debbie, I, for one, hope you stay, and thanks for having the courage to post again....

Our recoveries are helped sooooooo much by talking to others about our feelings, and learning from others who have been in, or are in, similar circumstances....

Not sure what has happened to you in the past, but if you find the responses on this board, or Al-Anon meeting, or another board, etc., not healthy, then please try to find somewhere where you DO feel safe, because your recovery is very dependant on this openness.

For me, when I started going to F2F Al-Anon meetings about six years ago, I went home after my first one, and didn't come back for six months, as I had felt that the group "wasn't for me", and that they weren't going to help me get better..... When I returned, six months later, I attended the same meeting, with basically the same people, who turned out to be just awesome!! As it turned out, it was ME who wasn't ready, in my recovery, to listen and learn the first time... This is all a very interesting journey, and I wish you well.

Tom

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Good morning Dancing Girl, am sorry u fell u were bashed . You are the child of an alcoholic and you belong here. This is a safe place to vent , please keep comming back and saying how ufeel,it's very important to your recovery. You don't say how old you are, I in the past have been involved with alateen if you are a teen , please feel free to email me and I would be happy to send you some sharrings from the teen daily reader. until u can get some of your own literature. Please feel free to email if your not a teen. hehe.

We have a chat room here on this site you will meet alot of adult children in the room who will be only too happy to share thier recovery with you. Hope to meet u there soon.

take care of you Louise abbyal2003@yahoo.ca

Takomawoof · Member

Many of us have felt the pain of being "bashed" so you are in the right place Also, when trust has been repeatedly violated, it's easy to understand someone having intimacy issues. Keep coming back - it works if you work it, so work it cause you're worth it!

Welcome!

Paul F

DanaAngel · Senior Member

Dear Debbie,

I don't know who made you feel uncared about, but speaking for myself this board and chatroom in general are full of loving, compassionate souls. I neither am not a very trusting person in "real life", in fact sometimes it takes time for me to warm up to people and open myself up. And even more so now since my A is also a recovering sex addict who thankfully is in program. Please keep coming back like the end of our meetings say, the welcome we give may not show the real warmth we have in our hearts for you at first.

Yours in recovery,

Dana

gardengal · ~*Service Worker*~

I am so sorry if someone was bashing you. In alanon we do not tolerate any gossip or talking of one another. Alanon is for us to open up and it is most important to "begin" to talk about things that trouble us, and feel safe and comfortable in doing so. Many who come to alanon have been put down, slandered for their thoughts or feelings, but alanon gives us the freedom to say what is bothering us without being judged or condemned. It breaks us from isolation which most of us who are affected by anothers drinking, we tend to do. Breaking the isolation and going to meetings,,and talking about issues in our lives, makes not only self esteem grow, but our inner self and how we think about ourselves. There is a saying we are only as sick as our secrets. I know for myself,,,it took years for me to finally come out and talk about the HELL I had been living for so long. I too lived with an alcoholic father, so you are not alone,,,you are in the right place. Debbie you are not to blame for your fathers drinking, and in alanon you will learn this. If you are a teenager or younger,,there are Alateen groups that you can attend, where there are others just like you,,exactly in the same situation etc,,,together we heal,,alone we cant.

Keep coming back,,,the support is here,,and we will listen, please do not let one persons comments destroy your trust. You are not alone anymore,,welcome.

gardengal

GypsyRose71 · Veteran Member

hello debbie, i understand how you feel. im new here,only joined a few days ago. i too dont trust easily, if at all. but i understand that not all people are the same. everyone is different. i didnt grow up with an A parent. but am in a relationship with an A. everyone deserves chances, and to have hope. i live with fear and hope everyday of my life, kinda used to it now. my A hasnt been drinking for about two weeks now. the meds he takes gets him through the hardest part. the cravings. everyday i hope he makes it , just one more day, one more step.enough of me though,please post again and share with me, with us. i too am going to post again. as soon as i can get my thoughts and feelings together, and not feel scared to post myself. and, {{{{{{ hugs and love to you deb}}}}}}}

-- Edited by GypsyRose71 at 21:15, 2005-04-26

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"