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My step-father is an alcoholic and refuses any sort of help whatsoever. He has been to a meeting in the past, but decided that it wasn't for him. I don't deal with him on any sort of regular basis - but my problem is his drinking and driving. He has a tendency to drink in his truck driving around this rural area and so far his problems have been only ditching himself along the way.
It concerns me a great deal what is going to happen on the day that the damage he causes isn't just limited to his own automobile and hits someone else. And how I would feel knowing that I could have stopped that from happening with an anonymous phone call or message to the police.
I don't even know how to turn someone in for drunk driving - much less deciding if it is something that I want to do without a single malicious thought in it. Any advice or help here would be very beneficial.
-- Edited by windyturn on Friday 24th of April 2009 03:29:36 PM
Your not responsible for your step fathers behavior , and I understand your fear . You can go to a pay phone and turn him in annonymously, but odds are they wouldn't catch him anyway , trust me i know tons of women who have called the police to report and they never did find them . a few have been caught and fined occasionally sent tojail then that when the guilt hits , u beat yourself up for reporting him , eventually he finds out who did and the whole family is ticked at you , have seen that once or twice too. Do what u feel is right for you , just don' take on the responsibility for his stuf . Our slogan Live and Let Live usually takes care of these problems for me or as my sponsor says MYOB hate that one hehe
-- Edited by abbyal on Friday 24th of April 2009 06:57:44 PM
Although I have to agree that you are not responsible for what your step-father does, is there any way you can go to the police station and ask them what they would do if you called them and told them you suspected he was driving drunk? Perhaps there is nothing they can legally do unless they witness him driving uncontrolably themselves? That way you have peace of mind knowing that you looked into the matter beforehand?
If you know when he is behind the wheel and and is drunnk, get his plate numbers and direction he is traveling. Call your local law enforcement and report him. I am pretty sure they would go after him.
__________________
Clara
------------------------------------ What don't kill you, makes you stronger!!!
I am reminded that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I have worked the local DUI circuit passing out information. One of the things I do with them is fill in the blanks....Friends don't let friends drive _____ . Don't _____ and drive. They all get 100% on the test. They know the answers even before they do it. The compulsion of the mind convinces them that they will be safe and not caught.
My step-father has been married to my mom for thrity years. He has no intention of stopping drinking. He is a fairly young man, he's only 48 but he already has congestive heart failure related to alcoholism. He's had a few accidents, once he "fell" stepping into the hot tub, breaking his heel. Took him three weeks to go to a doctor to find out what was wrong. Two years ago, there was another fiasco - July in Houston, TX - it was over 100*F - he was out messing around in the truck, dogs crawling everywhere. Shut the truck up, went inside - ten minutes later he was looking for one of the dogs - only for my mom to find one dead in the car - his brain exploded in ten minutes from the heat. This is the last incident that I'm still working to forgive - not for him but for me, b/c I am tied to him by my unresolved feelings. I really want to forgive but I am still hurt & conflicted - I do blame him, even though I KNOW it was a tragic alcohol related accident. Tough stuff.
Detachment has helped me -- b/c I know it is his problem to deal with & not mine to obsess over -- I have to live my onw life. The time I spent obsessing about my parent's lives & issues was time I was NOT living my own life.
Abbyal, mentioned some consequences, say if u did call on ur step-dad, & the family found out, how would u handle that? Would u feel better about yourself if u did call to report him or not if he hit another vehcile or person or animal.
I remember hearing of ppl who called on their A's. They get word they are about to come home or leave their location - call the cops w/ their drunk A's location & license plate. I suppose states have different laws, I guess most would take him into the drunk tank to let him sober up. I guess if I were going to do it, I'd want to know how long they'd hold him & what would happen. You can call the police to ask those & other questions w/out giving any information - just ask them what they would do & how they would handle it. Most of us are desperately enabling our A's when we get to al-anon. It sounds like you are working hard to detach from his behavior & that's really positive.
In the meantime - get to a face to face meeting, get some pamphlets, listen & learn at the mtgs. We have 2 daily mtgs online, here in our chat room. Sometimes just going to chat & having a live person to talk to can help us gain insight - immediately. You may even find someone in there dealing w/ a similar issue or circumstance.
So I guess, u need to figure out if you would feel better living with your conscience if u reported his drunkenness or if u didnt & something tragic happened. No one can determine that for you.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
