The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Since saturday my AH has been through the following: Things going awful at work and his boss telling him that its a possibility that the company is gonna close. Getting arrested for fighting with a neighbor, getting beat up by the cops, getting sued by the neighbor... On saturday when he got out of jail I told him that even though I was hurt all this was happening to him, I couldn't do anything about it and that this things would happen again and again if he didn't get help.
Today he has to stay at my house, cause he obviously isn't allowed bac at his place, and I just calle dhim and he says he's gonna go to rehab. I don't know if I should believe him or how to act. I don't know if he is drunk or if he really wants to do this.
He says he's going to sell his beloved Rolex to pay for rehab and that he doesn't want his parents to know anything or to help him.
I'm so jaded that I just assume its bs.
ADVICE PLEASE!!
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
By best suggestion is do nothing. Sit back and watch. Remember the saying "watch what they "do", not what they say. You were wise in telling him this is his issue. How do act? Act as if you were watching it all unfold as if reading a book or watching a movie...detach and leave it with him.
No one said it was easy, but I know you can do it if you keep the mindset and focus :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
The only other thing I can recommend (other than what everyone else ahs already said) is that this shouldn't be a secret from his family. My husband wanted to keep it a secret too and secrets are never any good when it comes to this disease. If you think his family can give him and you support during this time, perhaps you should mention that to him or take it upon yourself to tell his parents about it.
Sorry, it is NOT your place to tell anyone about his disease, just for the sake of telling them. What would be your motive? To put pressure on him? To enlist their "help?" To try to change him? Remember, not only are you powerless, but his family is too. He says he doesn't want their help, so honor that. They can't "help" anyway.
Sure, we are only as sick as our secrets, but it is his secret, not yours. Stay on your side of the street. There is reason to believe that he may have bottomed out. He will choose recovery when he is good and ready, not a moment sooner.
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The prayer isn't for Higher Power to change our lives, but rather to change us.
Well, yesterday was a though day with my AH. Thanks to my Hp and this program I was truly able to do NOTHING, DETACH and let him deal with this. He didn't go to rehab, and I'm just glad I called his bluff.
Thanks guys.
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
Good for you for Letting Go & Letting God... That is one things I am slowly learning that I am POWERLESS... You are doing great... You are letting him deal with HIS Disease, and you can only do what YOU need for you... For if you are in Recovery, you can keep your own Mind, Body & Spirit in check...
Keep up the good work... Hang In and keep trusting in your HP.. A F2F Meeting might be just what you need :)
I think now in hindsight I took everything the ex A did personally. True he was in constant reaction to me, he was also sick with the disease, manipulative and scheming. When I detached and started working on my plan be, his life did not consume me in the same way all the time. True I slipped many times when he was in total absolute chaos and homeless. Eventually I got to a place where I let go. Letting go is indeed a very very hard place to get to and harder to implement. There was a lot of grief and anger there for me.
