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My son is in juvie & it has really taken it's toll on me. I thought he'd go to juvie, I'd go visit him a few times and that would be that. But it is so complicated. There are set visitation days and hours. I have to provide him w/any medicine he may need. I even had to make an appt to go in and cut his hair myself!
I guess my problem with the whole juvie business is that I had lost all control of my teen and turned to the courts for help. Only now the have ME dancing like a dang cat on a hot tinned roof! I am missing so much work for meetings with this person and that person. I am having to rely on family members to watch my daughter whenever anything (including visitation) occurs outside of my babysitter's hours. It is crazy and it is wearing me out!!
Now come to find out he is being charged w/another crime. I can't figure out how they have pinned this one on HIM unless someone gave up his name. And this particular incident was not a one person job! He claims to be innocent of course.......but now I am thinking that this crap in dealing w/juvie could go on for a long long time!
He will be out for the current incident soon. Only to have to face the new charges less than 2 weeks later. So he may or may not be out for a month or so before he goes back in!
I am just so frustrated with jumping through hoops b/c of my son. And I am not getting much support from his dad right now either (that is a whole other story). He is going through something right now and I don't know what it is but it is effecting our relationship big time. Therefore he has been very distant with me, physically, emotionally, mentally. So I feel as if I am going through all of this with our son by myself!
Oh well, thanks for listening. It helps to write it out sometimes. Sincerely, QOD
I well understand the pain, problems and cost of an alcoholic gone awry. When the ex A slipped so precariously two years ago it took up all my time. I hope you will be kind to yourself. I also hope you will let some of the "demands" go as a way to reinforce for your son that he got himself there and you have your own needs to attend to.
The thing about the court system is that it is a system; you play by their rules. I'm not sure if you've worked with a lawyer yet, I imagine you have, but some of these smaller things are just how the system's set up. I hope this helps you: none of these things that you're experiening are personal. The system is broken, underfunded, understaffed, overwhelmed. None of what you're experencing is meant to insult, patronize, condecend, or anything else. The rules are shaped around the lowest common denominator, the most dysfunctional individuals--and the healthy ones get scuffed. I think the hardest part, as you shared, is the lack of trust. After everything you've gone through, more keeps happening, more keeps showing up, etc. I really recommend that you work with your lawyer to figure out the next right move (but, again, you probably already thought of that).
geez even though mine is thirty something now, I remember that pain.
Ya know I told my son a loooong time ago, you go to jail, I will NOT visit you. You got yourself messed up in that not me.
Needless to say, he never went to jail. BUT he was heading there so I sent him to Survivor school and he made that the best learning experience of his life. It is up to them.
We can be the foundation, but they have to figure out how to hold themselves up.
You are a good parent. You can also choose to say no, I won't be cutting your hair, or visiting or whatever. I love you, it is your life, your road. I found when my son learned the difference between needs and wants, his life changed for the better.
I can promise he will grow up quick. All along we can show our love by sending cards, books etc.
As long as he is safe, allowing him to learn from this could be a big turning point.
Hey take your rest, build you back up if you choose! You will feel better when he is ready to be out and get his self back on a good path.
What does he love to do? Encouraging that is a major key.
I hope this helped a tiny bit. Being a parent is such an important job. You are really stepping up, he is fortunate to have you. Watch him, I bet he will make ya proud. He still is that kid ya love you know!
When my youngest spent 60 days in a maximum security juvenile facility, it was a 3 hour drive for me one-way.
I visited her twice. I went once a month. When she was in the other juvie facility at the beginning of the whole ordeal after she ran away, and it was back and forth to court, I visited her once a week.
I needed my own space, my own time to work through all the feelings I had been dealing with all those months as things were escalating.
It didn't hurt her one darned bit to not have her mother show up for every available visitation day.
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"If a dog will not come to you after having looked you in the face, you should go home and examine your conscience." - Woodrow Wilson
I feel your pain, I'm having lunch with the family counselor today, she's coming over tomorrow and I have to meet with her three times a week because of daughter but I can say it is helping somewhat. Seems like it's getting worse before it gets better with the middle child. Now the oldest is better and the middle is a nightmare. Not to mention I have to move in a month so every single night has moving tasks on the calendar and trying to see my boyfriend who works the opposite shift as me on opposite days and I either sleep or see him. I'm on 3 hours sleep now. I'm a little frazzled, I feel stretched to maximum capacity. Right now I'm seriously contemplating laying my head down on my desk and taking a little nap.
