The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have just started my journey into my healing process. I'm just starting counseling and trying to learn as much as I can.
I've learned I am quite co dependent.
I've also learned I am an ACOA.
My husband just came out of rehab the beginning of the month for alcohol. has gone to one meeting, and has drank a couple of times since being home, but wasn't drunk. The last time he drank, which he hasn't drank since, he said that the beast had quietted again. (the part where I make excuses, or enable him) I actually love my husband and my counselor says we can work through all of this, and my marriage won't fall apart! (fear of abandonment anyone?)
My parents drink quite a lot. They don't believe that they do though. I don't like bringing my kids around them anymore. They smoke about 3 packs a day a piece. I am starting to resent(?) them maybe? Actually I just don't like being around them at all and they don't really respect that I still have nicotine cravings or that after being around them for an hour or two my babies cough for the next day or so.
I am in my 4th day of quitting smoking (with the help of welbutrin), here comes the perfectionist, its not good enough that I have to use welbutrin to quit smoking, I couldn't just quit smoking?! I'm very happy that I can finally start this task. I've said that I was going to quit for the last 3/4 years or so and had never even taken it seriously. Here I am and acknowleding my cravings and talking about them. Acknowledging what triggers my cravings.
I have not started going to meetings yet. This is my first reaching out to others and its kind of scary letting you in my head. But I'm ready to start healing. I'm ready to be me!!
Thank you!
-- Edited by haasity on Monday 20th of April 2009 11:58:01 PM
Nicotine free!! Yay...I've got about 5 months myself after a major relapse. God I have never like being controlled by people, places and things but then again... the Al-Anon 64 thousand dollar questions always has been, "What's my part in it?"
I wish you success in your recovery; nicotine and the other needs you have to arrive at self love and care. MIP is such a supportive forum and you will find a lot of support from the members here. For me what saved my life...butt first...was the Al-Anon Family Groups. They are in the white pages of your local phone book. ACOA is a powerful program for Adult Children and is growing in our area also.
Keep with your efforts for peace of mind and serenity. Glad you are here. (((((hugs)))))
I'm currently in relapse mode with the cigs. I'd like to quit again, it's getting out of hand. I know I can it's just so painful in the beginning - keep at it, it gets better!
I put down the cigarettes cold turkey about 24 years ago, and am testament to the fact that it can be done sans drugs. It is said that the body no longer is addicted to nicotine after four days. The "addiction" then becomes one of mental addiction to the act of smoking, not a physical addiction to nicotine. Good luck to you. You are wise to refuse to allow your children to be subjected to the ravages of second-hand smoke.
The family drinking I will leave for others to address.
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
This is a great place to reach out, anytime, always. Good for you for beginning to make distinctions for your children. It sounds like it is about to turn into a (natural) boundary -- everyone knows second hand smoke kills & u see what it does to your precious innocent children. Of course they dont see anything wrong with their behavior, they are in denial about it.
I have been told quitting smoking is one of the hardest things to do b/c cigs are so addictive. So many thousands of toxic material in them. I'm ACoA & go through letting go of "perfectionistic" tendencies. Seems I let go of a lot of it but then a new plateau gets uncovered or I am dealing with it in a new situation... so, I get the opportunity to realse more of that negative expectations, once again. The point is, you are quitting smoking, that's the result you want ~ who cares how u acheive your goal. Right? They used to give me these IQ tests all the time -- sometimes I'd work a problem backwards but I had confessed to my mom, I felt like I was cheatting. She'd say, the only important thing is that you get the correct answer - that's what is important.
A's are master manipulators. They are the greatest actors, I've ever seen. They can justify & excuse any behavior (on their own behalf of course). Know this is a progressive family disease. For a long time I felt much more sick & insane then my A's appeared ~ I was the one with all of the problems about it. Get to meetings, pick up pamphlets, study & learn. The greatest gift I learned here was to have my own life and to actually own it. I am entitled to be happy & have peace in my life. So do YOU.
Your AH drinking right out of rehab, is disappointing at least, some A's never get sober. Get to mtgs for you, so u can learn to stop enabling him. We do that by focusing on us & getting busy in our own lives. Boundaries & detachment help us seperate the sin from the sinner -or- seperate the disease from the person.
-- Edited by kitty on Tuesday 21st of April 2009 10:21:05 AM
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
