"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

StephanieKay · Newbie

Starting

canadianguy · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Stephanie... I think you've landed in a very good place here... Your post brought a smile to my face, and I have copied below a post on this same subject, from May 2004, that was brought back to memory....

Some good replies were made to this original post, including the reminder that there is something very freeing and cleansing for us to face the honesty of talking about our problems in front of others....

Hope this helps, and please keep coming back..

Tom

Support of f2f meetings...

We quite often read posts on hear referring to either really good OR really bad experiences that people have had at f2f Al-Anon meetings they have tried. Some feel immediately welcomed and loved - others feel shunned and judged.

I'd like to offer my own personal experience, and then a few other comments/thoughts.

For me, I have never experienced ANY negativity at meetings. I have probably attended ten different meeting groups over the years, and found one as my "home group". I honestly believe, we get out of Al-Anon what we are ready to get.

When I first attended, some eight years ago, I went twice, and then stopped going - deciding that these people were all "stuck", and it was a bunch of bitter old ladies complaining about their alcoholic husbands, and I wanted no part of all that..... I was different, I wanted to learn, grow, be positive, find out what I needed to do for me, etc.... So I left, and didn't come back for two years..... And I was miserable, and my life became even more unmanageable..... I finally went back, and found these same people to be wonderful, loving, caring human beings (boy, had they ever learned a lot, lol :)) - my point is - it was ME who wasn't ready before, not them....

In that way, we perhaps aren't all that different than our A's, in that if we aren't ready to find Al-Anon and are not "sick and tired of being sick and tired", then perhaps we aren't ready to get the value of Al-Anon. It has been my experience, from both myself and the dozens of friends that I have made in the program, however, that this is usually more about US, and our readiness, than it is about the "other people" in the meetings.

For those of you who really have had negative things come out of your Al-Anon meetings, I would simply offer you the encouragement to try again, and if possible, try another meeting, even if it means going a little further away.... I make the analogy of "being a Christian" vs. "being religious". A Christian loves their fellow man, regardless.... A religious person judges others, and tells them how they should act, or puts conditions on their acceptance. If you have had negative experiences at Al-Anon, I firmly believe that they stem from "people" acting out, and NOT the program itself.

There is my two cents on this subject....

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

Hi and welcome , well too bad your first meeting was a bust , but perhaps u just werent ready yet , You said u stopped drinking to support your brother , nice gesture on yor part . Have u considered finding an AA meeting to see if that is where u belong , u don't have to speak just sit and listen , then try an Al-Anon meeting for a couple of times , it won't take long to figure out what u need . goodluck Louise

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP Stephanie.

ESH = EXPERIENCE, STRENGTH AND HOPE

Gail

Maria123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome ((((((((Stephanie))))))) <---hugs,

I, too, was the daughter of an A, who is now deceased. It took me some 39 years to get into program. Good for you

, you are light years ahead of me. I didn't know of this forum and attended face to face meetings where I was basically a wallflower for the first six months taking everything in and speaking much.

I am glad you found us, both this forum and face to face meetings are wonderful.

Welcome aboard,
Maria

P.S. Here's the link http://www.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42727&p=3&topicID=13820090 to the FAQ's at the top of this message board. In the FAQ's, they have a lot of the acronyms.

-- Edited by Maria123 on Monday 20th of April 2009 08:58:59 PM

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Stephanie!!

Some day you will hear lots of members on both sides of recovery state that they
got here when everything else ran out. Thats part of my story also.   I literally had
not another inch to move in any direction without touching "the end".   Like CG
I did a couple of early Al-Anon meetings and came away with the same impression.
It was later that I could admit that my thoughts and feelings at first were unfounded
because I didn't know anything about alcoholism, ics, disease or whatever when I
first truely arrived.   I didn't know and didn't know I didn't know. I found a seat
and sat down and didn't move or ask questions or raise my hand or make a face
or even go potty...I sat cause I didn't have anywhere else to go. I didn't know
where I was for certain or how I got there for certain...I was there.  I wanted to
meet the person I had talked to on the hot line because it seemed that she knew
where I didn't and I really really needed to know cause I was certifiably nuts.
One thing I learned and accepted later on was that I arrived when I was ready
and not before.   I was ready and I have made my self ready to continue since
that day.   I didn't understand a lot and had a lot of time to come back so that I
could understand better and more... More of what I came to understand was
that I was also alcoholic.  That was 9 years without a drink in the Family Groups
before I filled out an assessment on my past drinking habits and consequences.
The hardest part about that was going to my first for real and on purpose open
AA meeting and identifying myself.   After that event I came to understand that
I found it necessary because of the character of relapse in alcoholism.  This
disease lurks and is patient. I was taught in Al-Anon that the disease a fatal
one that can never be cured but can be arrested by total abstinence.   Okay
AA for total abstinence from alcohol and Al-Anon for peace of mind and soul and
serenity.  Thats simple. I am a believer. I can practice and keep and open mind.
I can keep doing that to have any chance at all of going insane.   You got lots
of family in program   YaaaaY!! I may have one cousin still in and the rest? well
their somewhere.

Welcome here. Hope to see more of you.   (((((hugs))))) smile

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"