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OK, so I took some suggestions from people about my earlier post regarding off-traditions, some might call 'swick' meetings...decided to go do some active practicing 'take what you like and leave the rest'. The highlights:
arrived on time, mtg started late. 'How important is it'
a woman came in, and started asking me a lot about where I was from, (loudly across the room), and all that. I decided I could choose what I answered, and did so.
mtg started. same woman announced she was going to 'Take us through the twelve steps'. OK. I started getting some good things along the way, she kept the focus on herself, and didn't do the 'you' thing too much.
(picture me giggling). an HOUR later she was just getting to 10. OMG I was getting twitchy. I decided, with the help fo a 'Let Go' sign and 'How important' sign, that I had 2 choices: stay, and listen. Or leave. I asked HP for help, and what came up was not to take a resentment. I stayed.
EVerything was going along, until, at the end of her walking us, it got very advice giving, and culminated in us being told that the basis for the 12 steps was the Bible, and something about the sermon on the mount. Oh Dear.
WHen I shared, I pointed out that I relied highly on anonymity, and that 'AlAnon is not allied with any sect, religion, denomination,..." etc. a few gasps went around.
A few minutes later the chair tried a side-statement (as the meeting perpetually devolved into chatting and crosstalk) 'do you think my share was too long?'
'Cooley, I was able to pause, and take a breath before falling for the bait. "I am grateful that you kept the focus on yourself" is what I chose to say, although I needed to be back at work well over an hour 'ago'
Then I was challenged: "have you done the steps?" my reply after a breath: "yes, and I am doing them for the fifth time. I'll get it right someday, or never" - more gasps
I was able to remain until I felt my little HP voice 'time to go'/ Part of this was because another member was being told that something important to her - her yoga practice, was akin, to alcohol and was not a replacement for AlAnon. I just told the person next to me that I had to get back to work.
What I learned: although I feel very traumatised by the event, I am grateful that I was able to use some slogans and listen. As a result of doing so, I was able to not take a resentment, and to feel the uncomfortable feelings, but also choose how I respond. Although I absolutely LOATHE this stuff, especially at meetings, 'this too, passed'
Now, I can keep shopping meetings, but I might go back to this one. Dunno, but again, although I feel traumatised, and am stil pretty shaken by a complete diversion from the traditions, I am sure that this person did not do so out of malice. I am grateful I am able to see that.
Great post Scott. Kinda, Sorta like what would have been available to me also. She was and it was enabled to be the way it is today. You can enable it to stay that way also or practice your non-enabling responses over again. You must have sounded so un "usual" to the rest of the group. (((((hugs)))))
Thank You so much for sharing your success at that trying meeting.
Great Share- I do hope you can locate a more traditional meeting and am glad you feel you can still atttend this meeting and be able to practice program.
Sounds like you did a great job considering the circumstances.
Maybe this person is not aware that in Alanon it is principles above personalities.
The sixth tradition tells us that outside interests, politics, etc. have no place in a meeting or anywhere in program. It is solely to help friends and families of alcoholics. If someone elses' drink or sobriety bothers you Alanon can ease the pain.
We don't take others' inventories - in or out of a meeting - completely inappropriate to ask anyone else where they are in the steps or how they are working them.
