The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welp... Happy Sunday too ya all... I am in a slump...I have stend two days this weekend, trim grass at Dad's and going thru all his belongings, it is draining me of all I have left...I think I spent half the afternoon here once I got back going to his old clothes, see what I can pass on and give away to good will...I was going thru them like a crazy person, I think because he didn't have much, but my Dad's favorite things were "Pocket T's and Hankies" ... yeah.. Prize possessions for sure to him, so every time I would come across one, My heart would sink, and I would cram it in my face, just wanted to feel like I was hugging him...Couple times it worked, I would smell him, and it would make me smile, or cry... Depending on the moment...Other things like his Zippo/Pocket Watch Collections.. Things that mean nothing to most, but all my father had or wanted...
I did get to see my baby sis today, and she helped me some, but by the time she got there I wasn't in the best of moods, and was just try'n to hold myself together...She is not like most 21 year olds, she doesn't like to be Outside AT ALL, she don't do cook outs, or bugs and could care if there are flowers around, or pretty curtains in the window, she is very clean, but the things that most of us stress on, she could truly care less... And it isn't that she is cold heart, because she is not, she is just "Differant" from any of my other siblings. and she is only my half sister...When she is around, I just feel lighter, I can be myself, and don't have to be someone else, or try to guard myself around her, because we are alot alike.. Only thing is, I grew up in a house with our Afather, and she didn't... She grew up with her nose in a book, and didn't look up much to the real world around her...
I told her I would come up and help her with the trailer, but only if she promised to get her hands dirty as well, she has never started a mower, or kept a yard nice, so it is going to be a new start for her... she seemed to be thrilled.. To have the help.. I only live a mile from were my Afather lived, so it will be nice having her so close...
For now tho, I have to get back to my reading or something and give my brain a "Time Out" from all that has happened in these last three days... I am mentally, and physically drained from all feelings and emotions...I ache from head to toe.. Tomorrow I am suppose to go to our local college and be a 'gnenie pig" for a back rub by one of the training students, I was looking forward to that, however, my SIL was to go wtih and now her son is sick so I don't know that she can join me :( ... We have planned it for 3-4 months now...
I just feel like, I was hit with a train, and am still paralized by it, like my body is just DONE...I have tried me daily readers, and I know that it is just because of the Here & Now of it all, and I know "This too will Pass" but i Need a shove over the bump, because I just don't have the energy...Tomorrow brings on more things to do and take care of, and I am praying that maybe one thing can get a dang "COMPLETE" sticker on it, because I have some many things happening all at once, that I can't seem to remember which order they all fall in anymore...
My Mom just called and "realized for the 1st time" in 29 years that my Abrother is an Alcoholic... She always knew that he drank and had problems but for some reason, Tonight it hit her... I told her about al-anon, and she didn't know... But I am thinking maybe next week, her and I will go together, if her shift does not change...The soonesst one is Friday, and after that Sunday, so maybe we can both see some light at the end of the tunnel.. I think she needs it MORE then I do, only because she doesn't understand how her CHILD her BABY, could do such horrible things to himself, and his family... I think now she wants to understand... She wants someone to tell her "Other then ME" that it IS NOT HER FAULT... She believes all his flaws come from her being a bad parent, since she was all he had... I can't imagine that pain, but I can see it is hurting her to no end... I can see if has already taken years off her life, the things he has done... So maybe you all could throw in a couple prayers for my momma, and that maybe I can get her to come to al-anon, and see that there is hope... I need her to have HOPE, for she has always been my strength, I have always admired my momma... She makes me proud, she doesn't don't see it...
Too Much to Fast for me... I am exausted to no end...
Lookin for an ESH Push...Feeling to lazy to do it myself...
Thanks for listening, sorry for being whinnie.. Just were I am right now...
It sounds as if you had avery emotional day going thru your Dad's possessions. I know how painful that can be. Instead of pushing yourself to do more please remember to be gentle with yourself.
Going for that backrub might be just the change you need to relax in a different setting. You are accomplishing a great deal each day and eventually all the loose ends will be tied up. Rest, Get to a meeting and try to relax.
Your mom's sudden awareness and reaching out for help is a good sign. If she can not get to a meeting, you could bring her some literature and at least open the door to her being ready to attend.
Aloha Jozie...you certainly have the prayers. Tell Momma that she already has lots of love and support she just hasn't met us yet. Like HotRod suggested go easy on yourself...plunk down on the floor flat and just relax for a long while. (((((hugs))))) and (((((some for Momma)))))
I found a couple of weeks after I cleared my Dad's stuff I felt free of the burden and emotion of doing it and was please to be able to remember him just as him, the things he said the places he took me.... to me stuff is just that...stuff.
I agree with Hotrod, go for your back rub.
When my body aches from too many stress hormones flooding through it I go for a back and shoulder massage and when I get home for some reason sleep like a baby.
Be kind to yourself.
Glad you're going to have your little sis close by you.
Powerful things in your last paragraph, your Mum sounds as if she is accepting and can now begin her recovery.
Thank you all for sharingwith me, I do feel really blessed to have found all of you... It is the start of a new day, and I am get'n ready to hit the office running, it was nice to get up this morning, and read from all of you...I think it was just what I needed to get up and keep going...I did sleep well last night, it was raining, and for some reason I have always enjoyed rainy nights, as I layed there in bed, listening to it falling on the roof, I said my prayers, prayed for my strength, and handed it over to God for the Night...
Today, well who knows what it brings, other then rain for sure :) but I'm up I'm rested and tonight, I get a back rub... :)
I think it's great that your mother wants to go to a meeting. It will be a nice thing for you two to do together. My mother passed away 12 years ago and can I just tell you we never went through her stuff, so you get lots of points for just going to do it. I cant imagine how exhausting it was physically and emotionally. You definately need to take some time for you whether it's that massage or a nice bath or light a candle and read some al anon literature (those all help me). Your in my prayers and I hope this week is a bit more relaxed for you. Your HP/God wouldn't give you anymore then you could handle.
