The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Dear All, Thank you to the people who facilitate this. I am going to just give it a whirl, and am grateful for the opportuinty.
I moved to the UK four years ago and W-O-W are there some cultural differences. Istarted my recovery in NEw York City. I am very much in stress over how to proceed with my recovery.
I need meetings that are recovery based, follow the tradditions, etc. What I've found here, on the whole, is a very troublesome deal. People keeping lists of names of 'registered' meeting members, being attacked in groups meetings and group consciences for trying to list a 'gay friendly' Al Anon meeting, having the chairpersons sit and comment on share after share... this is a very short list.
ALthough we are 'not allied with any sect, religion, entity..." I've seen people swing into the Lord's Prayer (in the US) ... Although service people 'are but trusted servants, they do not govern' it seems every meeting I walk into has it's bosses. IN stead of "I" statements, I hear more "you, shoulds...hands down".
a dangerous place for me to be is getting into fusses and disputes over traditions and the like. replicates my family of origin - nor am I out to fix the meetings...question is what on earth do you do when a fellowship in a region seems to be entirely off the traditions???
I don't need to have commentaries on my shares, I don't want to have to list my name down to come to meetings...I need my anonymity! I cringe and feel like running out of the room when some chairperson sits and calls on people and puts them on the spot to share...
I just don;t know. I am staying away from meetings at the moment, unless I could find a healthy one. It is hard for a male to go into these rooms full of mostly women anyway - which I accept - but I need the traditions!
I just typed in "New York City Al-Anon Meetings" for a search and hundreds of locations came up. Hope this will help, and hope you find the right meeting for yourself.
Sounds like fun -- not . I have been to meetings that u described my sponsor told me to just work my own program the way i am accustomed to doing , when given the oportunity you could chair a meeting on the traditions , maybe someone will get the message. for me it's kinda like working a program while living with active alcoholic , powerless . I managed to do that for a couple of yrs , keep the focus on my needs , say what needs to be said and then let it go . We have a lady on this site by the name of Belle from Scotland I have no idea where she is located , perhaps u could meet her in the chat room as she is there almost every day . there are on line meetings here daily 9am and pm eastern time , chat room is open all day . hope to meet u there . Louise
The short of that for me...and I have been here done that myself (both sides) is practice taking what you like...leaving the rest and looking for more secure meetings of recovery or setting one up yourself...have been there and done that also. Only one little part of the program is moving away from dysfunction in our own thoughts, feelings and behaviors and moving toward peace of mind and serenity and non-reactive unworkable behaviors.
The consequence of coming, keeping and open mind, applying the steps, traditions, concepts, slogans and philosophy and literature and sponsor (seems like quite a list huh?...I'm worth it nor not?) is that my life is much less reactive and more appropriately responsive to events that go on about and around me, in the rooms or not. If the truth is that those who have come from the disease and suffered the most have done so because of inappropriate and unacceptable choices and behaviors (It is the truth for me) than my expectations are this is what should be happening most naturally and I need to respond differently. Don't get thrown off by the insanity in the rooms...don't participate with it either.
yOU HAVE BEEEN GIVEN SOME GOOD SUGGESTIONS. i JUST WANTED TO ADD THAT i TOO HAVE EXPERIENCED THE TYPE OF SITUATION YOU ARE EXPERIENCING IN MEETINGS. tHAT WAS WHEN I FIRST LEARNED how to use the new alanon tools that I was attempting to incorporate into my life.
I complained about the meetings and I was told:
Be the Change you would like to see in the Meeting.
Focus on Yourself
Share your ESH and keep an open mind.
Let go of expectations and Let God.
Adhere to the Traditions yourself
I do not believe the meeting ever got any better but I sure did. I that meeting attended last week and it was still going strong so apparently it is working for some people.
Good Luck and keep coming back here for support and true program in action.
