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For the strangest reason, i find myself missing my ex AH more not less, even though my life is calmer. Because he got in touch via silent phone calls, i thought he missed me, he was just waiting to have a go at me (see previous post) but now his sister has asked him to leave me alone, now i feel left alone..friends have nothing good to say about him, hes betrayed me in every way possible.My best friend said he was horrible about me for 18 months. I asked her tonight if that included the 6 months he wasnt drinking, she said no, that was they only time he didnt, because he wasnt in pubs... So why do i miss him, my life is changing but sometimes i get this really sad feeling for the person he never was....thanks for listening. Lilly.
You are not delusional. You loved this person and spent 7 years attempting to build a life with him. What he did and how he felt are on him. You cared and are grieving. Please give yurself time to grieve the loss and yes, try to get the new alanon book Tanansforming our Losses", it will help you to understand and process your feelings in a constructive way.
I can relate. For me, I miss my aH terribly...obsessively almost...and I love him and long for him. And I think about all the hurt, all the disappointments, the lies, then I realize I don't even like him very much...and then I wake up and do it all over again. "my illness".
I can relate. For me, I miss my aH terribly...obsessively almost...and I love him and long for him. And I think about all the hurt, all the disappointments, the lies, then I realize I don't even like him very much...and then I wake up and do it all over again. "my illness".
I would have to agree with your comments. That is how I feel.
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"Live in such a way that you would not be ashamed to sell your parrot to the town gossip." Will Rogers
I miss my AHsober and the life we use to have. He left 4 years ago. I miss the good times and him. I don't really know if there were really that many good times. But when he walked away from our life, it hurt. I don't like how he is now, his life choices, and how he treats me. But I still miss him. I don't call, ask for help, or bother him much. When I break down and do call, it really just brings back the hurt and that he left (and all those nasty things he said to me). I asked my HP tonight if I would ever love someone else or would someone ever love me again. Waiting for the answer.
hi .sometimes the alco is feeling bad about themselves.they look for someone to unload on and it is generally someone close...you.alco is a disease and baffles us them and doctors. Look after you ...you are a child of God ((Gerard))
-- Edited by Gerard on Thursday 16th of April 2009 12:16:00 AM
Lily I was told that it would take me 2 and a half years for every year I was in the relationship to get over it. UGH!! Then I learned to do the substitution program. Substitute taking care of and loving myself like I use to love the alcoholic. Course I never loved her perfectly either and I was a part of our problem and all of my problem so I had lots to work on. Get into the program and you and how you are dealing with the problem will change. If you don't do something different things will stay the same. You get what you do and what you don't do.
Of course you'll miss him. Emotional attachments remain long after the person has gone. I miss my Abf so much, every minute of the day if I let myself. Missing someone is normal but allowing it to take over your life isnt. I ask my HP to take it from me as I cant do it on my own. Its early days for you so dont be so hard on yourself, allow yourself time to feel your feelings. Then turn your attention back to you.
Thank you all for your kind posts. Some say its hard to lose an alcoholic but thats obviously not always the case and even if he did reappear I could never let him hurt me again so could never let him into my life. Ive removed what I can and have to deal with the other reminders, but I have someone new coming to lodge with me soon and I know that a different presence in the house will change things. I feel a bit better this morning, its when I see friends who were mutual friends, still happy in their marriage and I feel like half of me is missing, which it is so to speak. Jery F, my doctor said it takes about a year to be ready to move on, so perhaps that stark possibility of so long in grieving, is not the case, I really hope so for everyones sake...its enough all the hurt and chaos whilst they were living with us and all the attempts we made to keep things right, wherever we were on the merrygoround, to have to suffer for years afterwards, seems like a gross injustice. Surely we dont deserve that. Thank you again.
I always say that the A's are HUGE people in that they are very dramatic, charismatic, hypnotic, have large persona's, etc. When they enter a room all the oxygen gets sucked out. When they leave a room, they often leave a hole. I know when my A left, there was a HUGE hole in his place. I mean, the size of grand canyon. Thats how much room and energy he occupied which then exited when he did.
Time is your friend. But I know that feeling. It will get better. Hugs, J.
-- Edited by Jean4444 on Thursday 16th of April 2009 05:15:03 AM
