ok ~ I read & u ask for a response from anyone reading.  I'd like to say, it is refreshing to see u say your picture would be next the definition of codie in the dictionary & u give a brief summary of ur life & circumstances w/ AH as of late but most of your post is about you & what you want to accomplish.  This is wonderful that you are detached enough from it all and focusing on what you can do, what u want to do -- kudos!!  I think for the first two years, all of my posts here were totally centered on other people.  Maybe ur not as desperately sick as u think. 
     No one here could tell you what to choose to do with your time. Of course al-anon is important, vital to a healthy life but u do have a great opportunity. Maybe u could help to create or initiate another al-anon meeting, maybe others in ur group would like another one, who knows. 
     I'm sorry ur AH cheated on you. I saw my mother go through this with her AH. It definetely helped my mother to  wake up to the fact of what her AH was really truly like.  The weird thing is, they didnt break up their "partnership" but she did tell me they had not been sexually intimate in many years. The fact that they decided to remain in the marriage as friends or partners to me was very hard to accept but it's what they wanted to do. I think since they have been together since 1979, is why, they were both too scared to not have each other on some level. They both have "others" too.  All four of them get together once in a while -- weird to me but it's working for them, idk.

I really was moved to write to you b/c u asked on another thread - why can't ur AH just be honest?  A's spend thier lives escaping & denying their feelings. They cant articulate them b/c they barely know what they are inside. I heard the first year of AA/NA is all about them simply just coming to terms with feeling the emotions again. It is very confusing. If ur AH has been sober & is not working the program of AA/NA, we call it "stark raving sober" b/c he isnt getting guidance. It is nearly impossible to do alone. He's a ball of raw emotion & it's all mixed up. This program is very simple but nothing about it is necessarily easy. Looking inside, being brutally honest are all departures of what the A normally does while using.
    Focus on you, if al-anon is helping, stick with it anyway u can.  For me, delving into it has radically changed my life. Today I have serenity & I never thought it would happen to me.  It means I am happy & calm & I accept life and others in my life w/out resisting. 

I dont really feel like this helped but I reached out anyway. Hang in there, keep focusing on you & what u can do for yourself.

Thank you Kitty and WildThang.  Your words are encouraging.  Please know, I'm not out of the wordwork.  I have PLENTY of self pity moments where I focus on what HE'S doing or not doing.  

I'm giving myself a 2.5 year plan.  It's a plan to get my degree and NOT be financially dependent on him or anyone.  If in that time, we can recover from this mess I'll be ok, and if in that time we can't, I'll be ok because I can move on.  It's sort of in my head now.

It's just dealing with THIS time that's the killer.

I talked to my counselor today and she told me I have options.  I can go to a different al-anon meeting on another night OR forego the course and take it another time.  That makes complete sense.  I guess in my head, and heart I'm not strong enough to go to a different meeting beacause it to everything to go to THIS one.  I'm finally a bit comfortable with these women and opening up and listening.  I am making small progress.  I can't give it up right now and Real Estate will ALWAYS be here.  I can follow it if I want again at some point.  

I may even be putting too much on my plate by taking that on, plus school, plus al-anon and my kids.  SO, for the moment, I'm foregoing the course and sticking with my little women's group.  They are safe and I like them.

The cheating was really a result of so many other things wrong in our marriage including alcohol.  It doesn't excuse it.  I'm still angry and resentful, but at least now I know when those feelings are occuring and I try to deal with them. I may NEVER get over the infidelity, in which case my 2.5 year plan has an end result. 

I'm trying to tell myself I'm worth it.  Aparently, I never thought I was before.

You are worth it & as you have seen in ur al-anon group that you are loved there. Know you are loved here too. I used to literally hate myself. Others in al-anon told me that I was worth more & worth all the love & anything wonderful I could imagine.  Now that I love myself, I know this is true. 
   There are other al-anon meetings & u may find another that u like just as much but in different ways. You seem to have a good attitude & realizing maybe ur just trying to do too much this moment, is also very positive. We aren't all super heroes, we can't do it all, we get burned out. Take your time & be gentle with you.

They say HP doesnt give us more than we can handle. I know the feelings are intense but they wont kill you & if ur having a bad emotional day ~ usually the next day is much better. Focsu on you, today & whatever u have ot be grateful for, that's what helped me experience joy again.

My ESH, focus on the degree/higher education.
I just got my masters less than a year ago and its totally changed my life for the better. RE can wait (esp in this market- I would sit it out till it calms down?!).
RE is always an option regardless of your age, location, etc. and if you get a good paying job because of your new masters degree (I did) you can pay for your own RE w/o the strings that the agent will insist on by paying for it for you : ). HP will pave the way for you, believe me. HP totally paved my way. Hugs, J.